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Original poster

To feel like a criminal for owning this-what to do ethically?

243 replies

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 22:55

Name changed obviously!

My ex gave me a diamond necklace and bracelet set while we were dating. We've been split for roughly five years and it was given to me early on in the relationship so quite a long time ago now.

I found out about my ex's chequered past in a 'drip feed' while dating them.

I have recently learned that this jewelry was obtained via a house burglary.

It's not worth mega but enough, roughly about £800 second hand.

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner-ex can't even remember which burglary it was nor which town it was in although not many to choose from.

I absolutely love it, I only ever wore it on occasion as It's rather 'blingy'.

A friend has suggested I put it up on various local FB pages explaining how I obtained it and asking if anyone had it stolen but this seems that it still could end up with someone who hadn't ever owned it, and could open a can of worms for me/my abusive ex.

What would you do?

Perhaps sell and give the money to a charity that supports victims of similar crimes?

OP posts:
BobbyBobbyBobby · 08/12/2022 08:49

The police are lint to do anything as most people insure their jewellery. You would be stupid not to.

You mention he may have stolen it from another criminal so that criminal may have stolen it.

You don’t know anything for sure about where it came from and who it belongs to.

Have you had a jeweller determine the age of it?

Tripsabroad · 08/12/2022 08:50

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 23:48

Perhaps it is regional. Not my experience at all. I still speak to some people from my old job at the police so I will ask them as a starting point. Thank you :)

Show quote history

Absolutely the police. My Mum had a ring originally belonging to her grandmother returned by the police after she was burgled. It's the right thing to do and not up to you to just decide how the police might or might not deal with it.

MarcelEtCeleste · 08/12/2022 08:51

I wouldn’t want this jewellery anywhere near me. Such intimate items given as tokens of affection that turned out to not be purchased with me in mind but a gift given to someone else and cruelly grabbed in a theft? Yuk!

The most baffling part is that you worked for the police for 12 years. What is the world coming to?!

We regularly get a lists of stolen items (some with photos) printed in our local newspaper and online, and some are dated years back. High value items will likely have been photographed for insurance purposes.

You know exactly what you should do now that you know the true circumstances.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Clothing
Morestrangethings · 08/12/2022 08:54

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 06:50

You give it to the police or you keep it. Those are the only options.

If you give it away or donate it or sell it, you're passing on the burden. Someone else will be handling stolen goods.

You can hand it in to the police and refuse to tell them your details and who gave it to you. Then you won't be in any danger.

OP fears backlash from the criminal ex. So, it seems it has to be anonymously.

Can OP turn up at a police station with stolen goods and just leave them without having to give their name? The problem is easily solved if they can.

OP, of all the people in this conversation, would most likely know if the jewellery can be returned anonymously.

ReneBumsWombats · 08/12/2022 08:56

Even if you're right and the police won't do anything, you've asked what the ethical thing to do is. And you must know that the ethical thing is to hand it in. It's stolen and doesn't belong to you. Only stole from other criminals, ha ha. Did he try to sell you any bridges too?

Hand it in and you've fulfilled your obligation. If the police make no effort to return it, that's on them.

If you're worried about your safety, tell them that too.

MarcelEtCeleste · 08/12/2022 08:59

And the “only steal from other criminals” is utter BS. All criminals have a reason they think excuses their crime in their view.

I know they will want to target other criminals to get a one-up, but if someone has the balls, the skills and frankly, the lack of morals and respect to break in to someone’s property and steal things, they will target anyone who has what they want, what they can sell on, or anyone who has pissed them off or slighted them in any way.

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/12/2022 09:09

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 22:55

Name changed obviously!

My ex gave me a diamond necklace and bracelet set while we were dating. We've been split for roughly five years and it was given to me early on in the relationship so quite a long time ago now.

I found out about my ex's chequered past in a 'drip feed' while dating them.

I have recently learned that this jewelry was obtained via a house burglary.

It's not worth mega but enough, roughly about £800 second hand.

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner-ex can't even remember which burglary it was nor which town it was in although not many to choose from.

I absolutely love it, I only ever wore it on occasion as It's rather 'blingy'.

A friend has suggested I put it up on various local FB pages explaining how I obtained it and asking if anyone had it stolen but this seems that it still could end up with someone who hadn't ever owned it, and could open a can of worms for me/my abusive ex.

What would you do?

Perhaps sell and give the money to a charity that supports victims of similar crimes?

NOT FB!

You'll have all sorts coming out of the woodwork to claim it.

I would take it to the police and explain the circumstances. If you have any details at all about the robbery (brought date, area etc) tell them that, too. And they'll probably want to know the name of your ex-BF

Blowthemandown · 08/12/2022 09:19

@Necklaceowner try and get hold of the register that @TwoRockSalmonAndAHaporthOfChips mentioned maybe?

butterfliedtwo · 08/12/2022 09:19

ReneBumsWombats · 08/12/2022 08:56

Even if you're right and the police won't do anything, you've asked what the ethical thing to do is. And you must know that the ethical thing is to hand it in. It's stolen and doesn't belong to you. Only stole from other criminals, ha ha. Did he try to sell you any bridges too?

Hand it in and you've fulfilled your obligation. If the police make no effort to return it, that's on them.

If you're worried about your safety, tell them that too.

Agree. Why if you want to get rid of it, this is what you do. You don't tell your mate that you have stolen diamonds and then stick them on Facebook.

butterfliedtwo · 08/12/2022 09:20

*if you want

GnomeDePlume · 08/12/2022 09:42

You can't sell it legally, practically or ethically.

  • Legally it's not yours to sell.
  • Practically you would be looking at selling at a jewellers or larger auction house which could result in it being identified as stolen
  • Ethically it isn't your choice to sell it. Even if you donated proceeds the choice of charity is not yours to make.

If you take it to the police and hand it in than you can at least control the start of the narrative. You can emphasise the risk to yourself.

BucketofTeaMassiveCake · 08/12/2022 09:44

If it is indeed a family heirloom then surely it's recognisable by the original owners? I'd take it to the police regardless of what happens to it next.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 08/12/2022 09:45

By keeping it after knowing, whatever excuse you make, your impression is same as the person stole it. You are a thief too, especially if you were ex police. It's shameful.

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 09:47

@Morestrangethings even if she can't return it to a station anonymously, she can say she was given it by an ex who she is no longer in contact with and only knew him as random made up nickname.

Her responses just read like she wants everyone to say it's ok to keep or sell it. It's not.

Manopadmanaban · 08/12/2022 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Brefugee · 08/12/2022 09:54

well, OP, ethically you should have given it to the police, even anonymously, as soon as you knew that it was the proceeds of a criminal act. And if you don't know that, you need to revise ethics a bit.

Don't put them on social media, don't tell anyone, just hand them to the police.

You have no idea if they hold huge sentimental value to someone, and you never know the police may return them to your owner.

If you are afraid of your ex? do it anonymously and don't mention their name.
but you can't keep them. Ethically speaking.

Oysterbabe · 08/12/2022 09:56

If you don't hand them to the police then you are no better than your ex.

GetThatHelmetOn · 08/12/2022 09:57

what I found difficult to deal with is that you work with the police and have been happy to date a thief for years and accept stolen goods as gifts.

Sorry to ask this, but did you protect him as well?

Fearforfriend · 08/12/2022 09:58

Apologies if this has been said before, not RTFT.

Morals aside, I think you have no choice but to hand it to police. Being in possession of any property you know or suspect to be from a crime is actually a money laundering offence - s329 POCA.

Whether the police would be able to trace the owners is actually irrelevant.

Definitely if you have fear of reprisals I would raise this too. I know it’s hard but you should know what’s right here.

Patapouf · 08/12/2022 10:00

I'm a total goody two shoes but even I wouldn't trust the police to reunite it with its original owner. They probably long since claimed on their insurance! Just enjoy the necklace OP.

FatEaredFuck · 08/12/2022 10:00

As a small thought, could you try and pawn it? At the most reputable pawn shop you can find - they will search up information on it and see if it's "flagged". If so it will find it's way to the right owner.

After a bit of time you could pay some money to get it back and at least know it's not a missing/cherished heirloom that has been reported stolen.

I understand why you don't want it just going to the police where it might just sit but I couldn't wear it thinking someone could appreciate getting it back.

GetThatHelmetOn · 08/12/2022 10:01

I also find it interesting that you think the stolen good will be better off with you instead of in police’s stores for years. Where on Earth are your ethics??? You know that jewellery was never rightfully yours.

SuperCamp · 08/12/2022 10:02

Ooh, put them up on social media, with a request for everyone to share widely.

Then either we will have a Fairy Tale ending in which original owner tearfully relates the immensely sentimental value of the necklace (before setting the police on the OP to investigate the burglary and subsequent role of the OP)

Or

The terrifying tale of how the OP is the target of a raid by thugs in balaclavas coming in full vengeance to retrieve the goods which the ex stole from another known criminal…

Cancelledtwiceover · 08/12/2022 10:16

Donate it anonymously to a charity shop. They will probably have to check it out with police before they can sell.
If it's on a police database it will get returned to rightful owner, if no one claims it the charity gets to keep it.

RopeyOldBird · 08/12/2022 10:16

Err, so you're former police staff with 12 years experience with an ex who is, or was, part of a criminal network and thieved their stolen goods some of which you're knowingly in possession of now, and have done nothing so far because you've gone all sentimental?

Righto.

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