To feel like a criminal for owning this-what to do ethically?

[Necklaceowner]

Name changed obviously!

My ex gave me a diamond necklace and bracelet set while we were dating. We've been split for roughly five years and it was given to me early on in the relationship so quite a long time ago now.

I found out about my ex's chequered past in a 'drip feed' while dating them.

I have recently learned that this jewelry was obtained via a house burglary.

It's not worth mega but enough, roughly about £800 second hand.

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner-ex can't even remember which burglary it was nor which town it was in although not many to choose from.

I absolutely love it, I only ever wore it on occasion as It's rather 'blingy'.

A friend has suggested I put it up on various local FB pages explaining how I obtained it and asking if anyone had it stolen but this seems that it still could end up with someone who hadn't ever owned it, and could open a can of worms for me/my abusive ex.

What would you do?

Perhaps sell and give the money to a charity that supports victims of similar crimes?

If I was the rightful owner I'd want my fucking stuff back!

If it was stolen from another thief then it won't be your exes burglary that it flags up anyway, will it? It will be the initial one which the rightful owner likely reported. It makes no difference to you what the police do or don't do with it.

Fucking hate thieves.

You clearly want to keep it though, so 🤷‍♀️

I meant it's not worth her safety is it?

Why do you think she will be able to answer all this anonymously? She has been in receipt of stolen goods, she hands it in, they want to talk or trace her considering it is a crime. Then the trail begins and it could make her life a misery.

Victim blaming at it's finest.

"Many said they'd never burgle an elderly person."

They're all full of shit.

"my ex used to only do this sort of thing to other criminals."

Your ex is full of shit.

"If as I suspect, the police will do beggar all, then what's the point?"

Yeah, you're right. You keep it then 🙄🙄

Don’t the police still hold days for stolen property? All stuff from across the country that owners couldn’t be traced displayed.

its how I was able to get back some nicked jewellery that I thought I would never see again.

Also bought some amazing stuff from their auctions.

She could do the usual line of bought from someone in a pub several years ago and since found out it was nicked 😂

Op asked people of the MN what to do ethically. People gave her the answer.

Things that came to my mind wondering was, she said she was given these early in the relationship. She obviously valued them since she knows current second hand value of £800, so it must look expensive and real, not a fake. Did it came in the proper box? Didn't she question why she was given something pretty expensive early in the relationship?

LOL..Expressing dissatisfaction with the police is 'antipolice agenda'
Ok, Suella 😂

@misssunshine4040 but she's oh so confident the police will just put it in storage - so there's no threat

Why are you mocking her?

She was in an abusive relationship that she got out of and later found out the horrible truth.

@misssunshine4040 I'm not mocking her. Her arguments don't add up. She can't both be super confident the police will do nothing but also be too scared to do the correct thing and had it in; or like many have suggested, post it anonymously.

She didn't find out after they'd separated. She found out during the relationship.

She also said he can't remember where he robbed it from. So she is still in contact with him, or was.

@girlmom21

I agree you're mocking her.
Quite nasty tbh given she was in an abusive relationship.

If you have a different opinion, fine but no need to get bitchy.

How does that mean she is / was in contact?

Well obviously she was in contact with him at one point, she was in a relationship with him...

Doesn't mean she has anything to do with him now?

Give it to police or you'll get done for handling stolen goods.

It's not yours. You know it's not yours. So you hand it into the police, otherwise you're a thief just like your ex. What happens to it after that is none of your business.

@bandage she's recently learnt this jewellery was from a burglary and he's told her he doesn't remember which burglary it was from... it's not rocket science

I'd keep it. I like diamonds.

She's most likely to get for handling stolen goods by handing it in 5 years later with lies for a back story.

Perhaps the person it belongs to likes diamonds too?

What if you were in OP's position and the ex got arrested and decided that one way to mitigate his sentence would be to tell the police that you had the loot from an old burglary, knew it was stolen, but are refusing to give it back?

A copper dated a criminal 🤣 can't make this up, can you? Can you?

@SnowlayRoundabout
"What if you were in OP's position and the ex got arrested and decided that one way to mitigate his sentence would be to tell the police that you had the loot from an old burglary, knew it was stolen, but are refusing to give it back?"

What? Do you honestly believe that's how it works?
She's not "refusing to give it back" she would claim she had no idea it was stolen and they would have to prove beyond all reasonable doubt she was lying.
Sentences are not mitigated this way either!

The ex is ABUSIVE, it's not hiding the identity of an killer is it? It's a bloody necklace.

The moral high ground is easy to take when you have never been at the mercy of someone capable of hideous crimes and will not care about who they hurt to protect themselves.

OP the consensus on here is clearly that you are to blame for getting into an abusive relationship with a serious criminal and knowingly handling stolen goods. You are hand it to the police and any consequences or repercussions are fully deserved.

Thank you all who’ve sent helpful responses.

I would like somebody who has said things such as ‘I am bending over backwards to’ or ‘clearly want to keep it’ etc, to point out exactly where I have said my desire and decision is to keep the necklace, I have said absolutely no such thing. If that was my only intent, I would think it a bit of a waste of time beginning this thread.

Strange attitude. @saraclara put it better.
I am inclined to think nothing will happen because, well for the majority of the time it doesn’t. But it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t weigh up risks.

I was with my ex for around eight years, we’ve been broken up for around five. They did not commit any burglaries (to my knowledge of course!) while with me therefore this necklace was stolen at least thirteen years ago (again, I accept that my ex lied about a lot and I’ll never know for certain, but going on the information I’ve been given).

What I have done is emailed an ex police colleague who I trust to explain and ask that if I did submit this to the police, would they do anything about the ex/burglary situation and if so could I be kept safe, and also could I hand it in anonymously. I’ve worded it as hypothetical as to not make them culpable for having to take any action.

I will admit, some things on this thread have made me highly bemused.
@stillvicarinatutu Please do explain to me how, a police (or any!) vetting service could check if any given person could possibly be dating a criminal that they didn’t know was one, and/or be also wearing a gift that they didn’t know was stolen (that the police in a different force area may or may not also know had been stolen at some point )? Please tell me how you’ve figured that a vetting process is ‘shite’ if it doesn’t uncover that. Do you think a vetting process involves any given organisation coming to one’s house, ransacking it for items and wanting a receipt for each and full description of anything worth more than £3? A full dating history and names addresses of everyone one’s ever been in contact with? Do enlighten me.

As an aside, we oftn had donuts in the office when I was part of the force but I don’t care for them either.

I truly did not know.

@KalvinPhillipsBoots People who work for the force are still people.

I am very afraid of my ex who is not the least bit afraid of prison.
@Greenshake I may have ‘willingly’ dated my ex however I did not know many things about them at the time. If everyone could ‘vet’ who they dated I suspect the ‘relationships’ board and its many accounts of abusive behaviour would be almost obsolete.

@camdenn thank you-and truly,
I hadn’t thought of that (me being found culpable which of course ex could lie about and say I was).

@Goldpaw that’s a useful post thank you. I don’t think its owner will see it as I am not near anywhere ex frequented to my knowledge, but I still wouldn’t feel right wearing it.

Another nice story @changeme4this but I am sorry that happened to your Mum.
@Furries yes, I was very bored and just made this whole thing up-how did you know?!

@AngelDelightUK I wasn’t with my ex at the time of the alleged burglary.
We’re still in touch. A mutual acquaintance who has fallen out with ex told me and ex confirmed.

@CarefreeMe no ex isn’t in prison.

@Stravaig I almost lost my life a few years ago. I do not (and neither does the police ethos) believe that someone getting their belongings back, however valuable, is more important than someone’s life. It doesn’t mean I don’t understand, I just want to be safe.

Again @TiAmoTiAmo put it better.

I have not said I am knowingly keeping the jewellry either. I didn’t know it was stolen until a couple of days ago-I am not a mind reader.

That’s a nice story @lightisnotwhite

@BobbyBobbyBobby no I haven’t. I took it for a small repair some years back who determined the value (I didn’t ask, wasn’t particularly interested and just wanted a catch repairing).

@MarcelEtCeleste yes so baffling. I’ve worked for them and seen the atrocities people can be capable of while I worked there-so ODD that I’d want to not invite that to my door isn’t it? What a weird person I must be!

I doubt you’re wrong, I was naïve at the time of the relationship too, I admit that,
I don’t believe naivety makes someone also have no integrity.

@Oysterbabe very true. I am about to don a balaclava and go out to mug an old lady. No worse than still possessing something I had no idea wasn’t mine until a couple of days ago, right?

@GetThatHelmetOn I am not sure where you’ve had that information from. I have clearly stated the situation in the OP.

Protect ‘him’ from what?

Where have I said it'd be ‘better off with me’?

@RopeyOldBird even if I had decided there and then to hand it into a police station, my nearest one is in the next city, I have no means of getting there currently and it wouldn’t have been open apart from when I have been working. I would hazard a guess that most people cannot drop everything and run an unexpected errand that would take at least 90 minutes (being VERY generous as I know public transport), just like that.

@JijithecatI would not disclose what job I did in the force, I think that would be a step too far with this and being potentially outed. I will say however @CitizenofMoronia that if you knew me you’d know that nobody in their right mind would employ me as a cleaner-and also, that seems to be a judgmental attitude toward anyone who does that extremely valid job.
In the same vein @NippyWoowoo I have not and never would say I was ‘a copper’. I wasn’t and never have been. There are a lot more jobs than ‘copper’ within any police force.

@misssunshine4040 and others thank you for sticking up for me (and for actually reading my posts).

@SuperCamp that is ridiculous, comparing it to possession of indecent images of children. A better comparison would be that I was harbouring known stolen goods for someone. If someone randomly delivered a load of indecent images to my door, that’s more comparable. One of the most nonsensical things I’ve read on here, and that’s saying something!

@grapehyacinthisactuallyblue yes it came in (what at least appeared to be) its box. No I didn’t question it-I didn’t believe I had any reason to.

@girlmom21 it is more I do not THINK anything will happen but if it DID, the risk is rather large. It isn’t as if I don’t think anything will happen but if it did I’ll get a nasty text message, or my ex will be slightly pissed off and I’ll have to apologise and buy a pint. It’s a far greater risk than that. Does that make sense?
Find out what?

@bandage and @misssunshine4040 thank you for recognising this in my absence.

Anyway, I've detailed what I'll do and if I get a response I will update.
Thank you for the helpful responses (and a fair bit of amusement if I am honest).

So we're you with this person before, during or after your employment with the police?

Unless you're actually Cressida Dick I very much doubt anyone recognise who you are by giving a rough idea of the department that you worked in, particularly considering the high staff turnover in policing.

*were

And why is it in any way required or related to this post?