Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

To feel like a criminal for owning this-what to do ethically?

243 replies

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 22:55

Name changed obviously!

My ex gave me a diamond necklace and bracelet set while we were dating. We've been split for roughly five years and it was given to me early on in the relationship so quite a long time ago now.

I found out about my ex's chequered past in a 'drip feed' while dating them.

I have recently learned that this jewelry was obtained via a house burglary.

It's not worth mega but enough, roughly about £800 second hand.

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner-ex can't even remember which burglary it was nor which town it was in although not many to choose from.

I absolutely love it, I only ever wore it on occasion as It's rather 'blingy'.

A friend has suggested I put it up on various local FB pages explaining how I obtained it and asking if anyone had it stolen but this seems that it still could end up with someone who hadn't ever owned it, and could open a can of worms for me/my abusive ex.

What would you do?

Perhaps sell and give the money to a charity that supports victims of similar crimes?

OP posts:
TiAmoTiAmo · 08/12/2022 06:22

It was unwise to tell your friends about it either. They'll be on your case about what happened and will judge you as to what you did or didn't do with it. You need to learn to keep your secrets to yourself, hun.

AngelDelightUK · 08/12/2022 06:23

If you were with your ex at the time of the burglary then surely you’ll know roughly what area they hung around in, plus the rough timescale of when the burglary was.

Are you still in touch with your ex to suddenly find out that this present was from a burglary but they couldn’t remember which one? Or is it Chinese whispers?

Prescottdanni123 · 08/12/2022 06:25

If you know it was stolen, hand it in to police and say you just found out. If you try to sell it on, it could be seen as handling stolen goods.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Clothing
CarefreeMe · 08/12/2022 06:28

Is your ex in jail now?

In a perfect world you would hand the jewellery to the police, your ex will end up in jail and the jewellery would get back to its rightful owner.

What would concern me is that your ex has made you complicit in some way.

How long were you with her?

Morestrangethings · 08/12/2022 06:42

Oioicaptain · 07/12/2022 22:56

You report it to the police of course and hand it over.

That was my reaction too. OP has no idea what that jewellery could have meant to someone else.

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 06:50

You give it to the police or you keep it. Those are the only options.

If you give it away or donate it or sell it, you're passing on the burden. Someone else will be handling stolen goods.

You can hand it in to the police and refuse to tell them your details and who gave it to you. Then you won't be in any danger.

Singleandproud · 08/12/2022 07:03

Post on Facebook with a photo on to the local community pages of where it might have been stolen. I'd personally make a new profile to do this. And say that it is safely at X police station if the owner wants to claim it. The Police are then responsible that it hoes to the correct person, can check their details. You can have a clear conscience that you've done what you can and if it never gets returned that's not your problem.

Saltovinegar · 08/12/2022 07:11

I have a friend who was reunited with her stolen engagement ring 20 years after the burglary. The thief's partner had been wearing it as her engagement ring! The police still had the description of the stolen items on file.

I would hand it to the police and let them deal with it.

SeatonCarew · 08/12/2022 07:18

If you don't want to go into a police station you could post it anonymously with a covering note.

PorridgewithQuark · 08/12/2022 07:24

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 22:55

Name changed obviously!

My ex gave me a diamond necklace and bracelet set while we were dating. We've been split for roughly five years and it was given to me early on in the relationship so quite a long time ago now.

I found out about my ex's chequered past in a 'drip feed' while dating them.

I have recently learned that this jewelry was obtained via a house burglary.

It's not worth mega but enough, roughly about £800 second hand.

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner-ex can't even remember which burglary it was nor which town it was in although not many to choose from.

I absolutely love it, I only ever wore it on occasion as It's rather 'blingy'.

A friend has suggested I put it up on various local FB pages explaining how I obtained it and asking if anyone had it stolen but this seems that it still could end up with someone who hadn't ever owned it, and could open a can of worms for me/my abusive ex.

What would you do?

Perhaps sell and give the money to a charity that supports victims of similar crimes?

Definitely do not ask on Facebook whether anyone had it stolen! That's a very obviously stupid idea as it'll undoubtedly be claimed immediately by someone who thinks you're a complete mug and just wants a fairly valuable piece of jewelry to sell.

If you genuinely feel troubled ethically either hand it in at a police station claiming to have only just found out that it was stolen property, or sell it and donate the money to a victims of crime charity (do some research obviously).

Stravaig · 08/12/2022 07:32

How very shitshow Britain that someone who worked for the police for 12 years doesn't clearly understand that you hand in stolen property to the police, along with all the information you can.

lovenotwar149 · 08/12/2022 07:33

I dont know what you should but I am pretty sure I wouldn't be able to wear it again if I found that out about a piece of jewellery I was given! Good luck with your decision.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 08/12/2022 07:37

Kanaloa · 08/12/2022 00:00

It doesn’t matter what the police will or won’t do with it though, does it? It isn’t yours, and so you can’t keep it or sell it. That’s just the facts. You can feel sad that you used and enjoyed it while someone else was missing it, and sad that you were unwillingly made party to it all, and sad that you dated a criminal, but you can’t use that to give yourself power to decide what happens with a stolen item that you’ve come to be in possession of.

Yes, this.

TiAmoTiAmo · 08/12/2022 07:40

The selling it thing is very daft as your identity will be known. Jewellers ask for ID and even if you ebay or vint it your name will be known to the buyer. It could come back to you.

Police won't take the item without more info. Are you going to lie to the police and fudge the facts to avoid problems with your ex?
It's only a necklace worth less than a grand, we're not talking about someone died and you know info about it.

People telling you to go to police because they are thinking if they had it stolen they'd want it back. They can afford to be so moralistic because none of them will be dealing with the backlash of a criminal ex. If you work in a sensitive role there will be questions about your associations and choice of men as well. I can't believe you told your friends about it and their stupid Facebook idea. Unbelievably stupid.

WonderingWanda · 08/12/2022 07:42

I couldn't keep it knowing that. I would give it to the police even if it just gets stuck in storage. It would feel wrong to do anything else with it.

alasangne · 08/12/2022 07:46

Don't sell it.
Don't try and track down rightful owner - that could be very unwelcome if they know you are connected somehow even if he is an ex.
Get it to a police station and forget about it.

tulips27 · 08/12/2022 08:11

That's the thing about stolen goods, they don't belong to you. 🙄

SillySausage81 · 08/12/2022 08:33

I had some valuable items stolen, didn't hear anything for years, assumed the police had just forgotten about it, and then one day about 8 years later got an email saying they'd found a haul of stolen goods in a raid, and one of the items was mine.

Hoppinggreen · 08/12/2022 08:35

It doesn’t matter what the Police will or won’t do, that’s none of your concern.
Your involvement should be giving it to them along with any information you feel is relevant and then forgetting about it

LuciferRising · 08/12/2022 08:36

I wouldn't hand it in OP. Wouldn't want to be giving a statement and names and all that may follow.

You didn't steal it. It was 5 years ago it is an item. A possession. You have no idea what happened when/if it was stolen and were not responsible. You don't know it is stolen. Don't listen to dramatics and what ifs because they are from someone's imagination.

Stuff it in the back of a cupboard and forget.

Guitarbar · 08/12/2022 08:42

You seem to be bending over backwards to try and justify keeping it, why ask if you clearly have zero morals?

NKFell · 08/12/2022 08:44

Stravaig · 08/12/2022 07:32

How very shitshow Britain that someone who worked for the police for 12 years doesn't clearly understand that you hand in stolen property to the police, along with all the information you can.

I thought this. Also the "police won't do anything" attitude.

There are plenty of things in this world you could get away without the police doing anything, you still know the right thing to do. Do the right thing.

Divebar2021 · 08/12/2022 08:45

Oh he only stole from other criminals? Righhhhht.

Quinner · 08/12/2022 08:46

Given the necklace can be directly attributed to you and you would have some concerns around him potentially trying to get back at you, I would do nothing. I would never wear the jewellery,l again though.

I understand about the moral element but if he is dangerous I don’t see why you would endanger yourself for this - it’s not like you doing this will put him behind bars, but it might just land you in a world of trouble

Fleurdaisy · 08/12/2022 08:48

Do NOT sell it or ask online. Police look at sale sites for stolen goods —- won’t be looking for yours but if you put you know how obtained you’re admitting to handling stolen goods.
Hand in to police now. Say it was given to you x years ago, it’s now been brought to your attention it was stolen and you want to hand it in. Answer any questions honestly as you do not want to be done for handling.

Swipe left for the next trending thread