To feel like a criminal for owning this-what to do ethically?

[Necklaceowner]

Name changed obviously!

My ex gave me a diamond necklace and bracelet set while we were dating. We've been split for roughly five years and it was given to me early on in the relationship so quite a long time ago now.

I found out about my ex's chequered past in a 'drip feed' while dating them.

I have recently learned that this jewelry was obtained via a house burglary.

It's not worth mega but enough, roughly about £800 second hand.

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner-ex can't even remember which burglary it was nor which town it was in although not many to choose from.

I absolutely love it, I only ever wore it on occasion as It's rather 'blingy'.

A friend has suggested I put it up on various local FB pages explaining how I obtained it and asking if anyone had it stolen but this seems that it still could end up with someone who hadn't ever owned it, and could open a can of worms for me/my abusive ex.

What would you do?

Perhaps sell and give the money to a charity that supports victims of similar crimes?

You don’t ‘own’ it. You’re knowingly keeping stolen property. You should hand it in to the police. You don’t have to name anyone and what action the police take is not your concern. Just imagine that you were the person who had it stolen.

You hand it in to the police because doing anything else with it is handling stolen goods, which you would know if you had worked with the police.

Aside from it being wrong to do anything BUT give it to the police, it is really really bad feng shui to keep it. I'm sure a lot of people who think this is daft 'woo' thinking but having stolen items, particularly antique or sentimental items in your home/possession is supposed to be incredibly bad on a karmic level, bringing negativity into your life and stunting your personal growth.

There are various practical reasons why I still have to be in touch with ex, and another more personal one- I just feel safer not totally falling out. Ex has (young adult) children I'm in touch with too. Thanks to those who have noted it isn't a black and white situation. I've no updates since the one a couple of days ago.

What reasons? Either way you obviously just want to keep or sell the necklace, so do what you like with it. But the reason you ‘feel like a criminal’ is because you’re engaging in/supporting criminal activity. You are handling (and considering selling) stolen goods. That is a crime. So that’ll be why you feel like a criminal.

Or give it back to your ex who you want to keep on good terms with, and say you no longer want it, but don’t want to sell as it was a gift.

Starting a thread to ask what to do and getting in touch with someone to ask about how to return, and I 'obviously want to keep it'. I've already addressed that, I'd not even be on here, not to have thought about it probably. Strange manner of thinking IMO.

It'd be worse for the 'children' if I stopped speaking to ex altogether and would make me feel less safe,among others but I didn't start a thread about the dynamics with me and an ex, just about this one subject.

Ok well give the necklace back to the ex. Or give it back anonymously and say you’ve sold it. What you can’t do is keep it, and complain that handling stolen goods makes you feel like a criminal, while batting away any suggestions to turn it in.

You are a criminal unless you contact the police.

How do you know it can't be traced? The police may have the intelligence to return it to it's rightful owner.

That's ironic.....right?

I can’t really grasp why you’ve posted. The logical/right/moral solutions obviously don’t work for you - so what is the point of posting?

Id say, at the very least, give the items back so that you’re not in possession of stolen goods. But am sure there are reasons why that isn’t possible either.

Maybe bury them somewhere. Then, years after you’re long gone, some random digs them up and people can speculate on why these riches were buried.

I have handed it in :)

They did say though, it is unlikely to be reunited with its owner. They can't tell me if It's possible to trace, because they're a different force, it won't take priority and it was such a long time ago.

I gave my details but they assured me I will not be involved in any repercussions. I said I'd just found out (which is true) via a mutual acquaintance.

I think they insinuated that it is just unlikely that they'd pursue something after such a length of time-which fits with what I originally thought. They seemed mostly disinterested.

But at least It's out of my hands (literally) now.

I don't think ex was ever charged for a burglary, but I don't know and I don't want to open that can of worms anyway.

I am quite nervous, I will admit. If it IS associated with a burglary, or if ex ever asks me about it I don't know what to say. Perhaps that someone stole it from me.

I am not responding to any more ignorant posts :)

Is this you OP?

If it did get back to your ex, tell him you gave it to a charity shop and it must have been flagged when they tried to sell it.

That isn't a bad idea although ex will probably be livid if she asks/finds out, no matter what I say happened.

You tell the police where the burglary took place. I'm police and used to investigate burglaries. Many people with nice jewellery have photos of it and provide these to police to assist. The police may have a photo amd can cross check the date your shitbag ex gave you it with a description. Imagine how happy the owner would feel getting it back. It could have great sentimental value. Please do the right thing.

It seems odd that you’re still so terrified of ex being ‘livid’ or what they will say. Is there nobody you can turn to for support? You don’t need to keep in contact at all with someone you’ve split up with. I know you say it’s for his adult kids or whatever but I don’t see how that translates to you needing to keep in regular contact with a criminal ex partner.

@superplumb I simply cannot tell them what I don't know?

They were very blasé when I took it but as I've said, It's a different force in a different county and I am not even sure which force it would have been, I just know it isn't a local one to me.

@kanaloa not very many people know what ex was like, and none know the extent. Daft, I realise now but I hid much of it.

One of her children now lives with her and one of her close friends is a tenant of a family member's. It's all rather muddled. I'd rather not go into much more detail, I've gone into more than I am comfortable with already. Of course that may mean people find it odd but I can't really win there.