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Original poster

To feel like a criminal for owning this-what to do ethically?

243 replies

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 22:55

Name changed obviously!

My ex gave me a diamond necklace and bracelet set while we were dating. We've been split for roughly five years and it was given to me early on in the relationship so quite a long time ago now.

I found out about my ex's chequered past in a 'drip feed' while dating them.

I have recently learned that this jewelry was obtained via a house burglary.

It's not worth mega but enough, roughly about £800 second hand.

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner-ex can't even remember which burglary it was nor which town it was in although not many to choose from.

I absolutely love it, I only ever wore it on occasion as It's rather 'blingy'.

A friend has suggested I put it up on various local FB pages explaining how I obtained it and asking if anyone had it stolen but this seems that it still could end up with someone who hadn't ever owned it, and could open a can of worms for me/my abusive ex.

What would you do?

Perhaps sell and give the money to a charity that supports victims of similar crimes?

OP posts:
misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 00:40

Greenshake · 08/12/2022 00:38

This post is astonishing. Here we have an OP, who used to work for the Police, knowingly committing a fairly serious offence and people are umming and aahing about what she should do. The hypocrisy on here is astounding, as these will be the same posters who moan about the decline of society and what areas of the country are safe to live in!

She didn't burgle the item did she?!
Would you like to see her beat up or worse if she ends up landing her dangerous in hot water?
Life isn't black and white

RoundedToast · 08/12/2022 00:40

Greenshake · 08/12/2022 00:38

This post is astonishing. Here we have an OP, who used to work for the Police, knowingly committing a fairly serious offence and people are umming and aahing about what she should do. The hypocrisy on here is astounding, as these will be the same posters who moan about the decline of society and what areas of the country are safe to live in!

Agree with you 😃👍

whatwhhat · 08/12/2022 00:43

I'd be inclined to do nothing.

Purely because of the possible repercussions with your ex. It doesn't sound like he has many morales.

In an ideal world I'd hand it into the police station but the world is far from ideal. It would be pretty obvious where the evidence had come from no matter how anonymous you tried to be.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Clothing
Greenshake · 08/12/2022 00:43

@misssunshine4040 and what of the person who was burgled? Should we just forget about them then? The quality of our life depends on people doing the right thing, particularly when they have a Police affiliation.

misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 00:45

Greenshake · 08/12/2022 00:43

@misssunshine4040 and what of the person who was burgled? Should we just forget about them then? The quality of our life depends on people doing the right thing, particularly when they have a Police affiliation.

They are not her responsibility.
She didn't steal the item, didn't know it was stolen at the time.
Let's be truly honest, would you lay your life on the line for a random stranger over a diamond necklace?
You've no idea who he is or what he's involved in. Why would anyone sane knowing invite that danger into their lives?

beAsensible1 · 08/12/2022 00:46

Lol, the police won't hand over to anyone or search for it owner. It will sit in store then eventually be auctioned off.

Maybe sell and donate the money to a homeless shelter?

Greenshake · 08/12/2022 00:47

For crying out loud, if we all took your attitude no crime would ever be solved.

Mamaneedsadrink · 08/12/2022 00:49

I think if you give to police and it's not claimed then you get it back after a certain time, then you can keep guilt free-ish. If you really feel bad, sell and give the proceeds to charity. I'd probably want to get rid of it now that you know it was stolen, bad vibes and all that. I don't think I'd enjoy wearing it knowing that

Greenshake · 08/12/2022 00:49

misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 00:45

They are not her responsibility.
She didn't steal the item, didn't know it was stolen at the time.
Let's be truly honest, would you lay your life on the line for a random stranger over a diamond necklace?
You've no idea who he is or what he's involved in. Why would anyone sane knowing invite that danger into their lives?

Show quote history

“Lay my life on the line”? That’s not at all over the top is it? Given the the OP willingly dated this person, (apparently a female), I would say she has already invited the “danger” into her life.

saraclara · 08/12/2022 00:50

OP and this guy split five years ago. And he gave it to her in the early days of their relationship.
Anyone thinking that the police, with the pressure they're under and their lack of donuts, will do anything at all regarding this items provenance, maybe ten years after the fact, is kidding themselves. Especially when OP doesn't know which force would be involved.

She wouldn't have posted if she was happy to keep it, ffs, so I don't know why so many people are attacking her as if she was the one who stole it. She's only just found it out that it was stolen!

OP, in your situation I think I'd sell it and give the proceeds to charity. Either one dear to me, or to Victim Support.

Original poster
Necklaceowner · 08/12/2022 00:50

To clarify, I learned (as said above via drip feed) that my ex is a criminal.

I dont want to be too outing but they are suspected for crimes much worse than burglary.

I may not be in danger by just handing it in, but it could potentially be grave danger for me if ex is contacted/sanctioned in any way. Of course I do not like to be a catastrophiser and I am inclined to think there won't be any such happening. But there could be couldn't there?

Perhaps if I was these items' rightful owner I'd rather not get them back than something happened to someone else as a result? But I may also be desperate for them back. :(

If as I suspect, the police will do beggar all, then what's the point? But the majority seem to think police :)

OP posts:
saraclara · 08/12/2022 00:51

and their lack of donuts,

Ha ha! That's the maddest, and most apt autocorrect ever! How did funding turn into donuts?

😂

stillvicarinatutu · 08/12/2022 00:55

As a police officer - yes it will be booked into the property store . But the oic in the original burglary should be notified, and set the wheels in motion to see if they can reunite the property to its owner .
Keeping it makes you guilty of handling stolen goods as you now know the property is stolen . The penalty for handling is actually bigger than the original offence fwiw. But if you have a conscience- I'd hand it in regardless. It's not yours . It was stolen . It belongs to someone else .

misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 00:57

Necklaceowner · 08/12/2022 00:50

To clarify, I learned (as said above via drip feed) that my ex is a criminal.

I dont want to be too outing but they are suspected for crimes much worse than burglary.

I may not be in danger by just handing it in, but it could potentially be grave danger for me if ex is contacted/sanctioned in any way. Of course I do not like to be a catastrophiser and I am inclined to think there won't be any such happening. But there could be couldn't there?

Perhaps if I was these items' rightful owner I'd rather not get them back than something happened to someone else as a result? But I may also be desperate for them back. :(

If as I suspect, the police will do beggar all, then what's the point? But the majority seem to think police :)

OP people like @Greenshake don't live in the real world.

Don't risk anything for it. Drop it down a drain if you don't want it.
If it was reported stolen it will be on a database and you need to provide ID to sell jewellery so you would be traceable as selling stolen goods.
Just forget about and move on

stillvicarinatutu · 08/12/2022 00:57

saraclara · 08/12/2022 00:51

and their lack of donuts,

Ha ha! That's the maddest, and most apt autocorrect ever! How did funding turn into donuts?

😂

I don't eat donuts. My ex hubby was a baker and I did take the best set of cream cakes in ever when my probation ended - but to be a uk pc you need to be pretty fit , so no donut culture I've ever seen !

misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 00:58

stillvicarinatutu · 08/12/2022 00:55

As a police officer - yes it will be booked into the property store . But the oic in the original burglary should be notified, and set the wheels in motion to see if they can reunite the property to its owner .
Keeping it makes you guilty of handling stolen goods as you now know the property is stolen . The penalty for handling is actually bigger than the original offence fwiw. But if you have a conscience- I'd hand it in regardless. It's not yours . It was stolen . It belongs to someone else .

And what about her personal safety?
As a police officer, are you not concerned that she will then be at risk of repercussions?

stillvicarinatutu · 08/12/2022 00:59

Do t be ridiculous and drop it down a drain .

You're defence is you did not know at the time of gifting it was stolen .

If this jewellery has some sentimental meaning to someone - which of course it could - just hand it in .

stillvicarinatutu · 08/12/2022 01:00

Why the hell would her safety be in peril ?

She can walk into any police station - hand the goods over at front desk and walk out without giving details if she so chooses .

I'm increasingly suspecting mnetters watch far too much telly .

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 08/12/2022 01:01

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 22:55

Name changed obviously!

My ex gave me a diamond necklace and bracelet set while we were dating. We've been split for roughly five years and it was given to me early on in the relationship so quite a long time ago now.

I found out about my ex's chequered past in a 'drip feed' while dating them.

I have recently learned that this jewelry was obtained via a house burglary.

It's not worth mega but enough, roughly about £800 second hand.

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner-ex can't even remember which burglary it was nor which town it was in although not many to choose from.

I absolutely love it, I only ever wore it on occasion as It's rather 'blingy'.

A friend has suggested I put it up on various local FB pages explaining how I obtained it and asking if anyone had it stolen but this seems that it still could end up with someone who hadn't ever owned it, and could open a can of worms for me/my abusive ex.

What would you do?

Perhaps sell and give the money to a charity that supports victims of similar crimes?

Your in possession of stolen goods and you know that, go to the Police with it.

Greenshake · 08/12/2022 01:01

@misssunshine4040 don’t be so patronising. Not only do I very much live in the real world, I work in Criminal Justice.

misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 01:08

stillvicarinatutu · 08/12/2022 01:00

Why the hell would her safety be in peril ?

She can walk into any police station - hand the goods over at front desk and walk out without giving details if she so chooses .

I'm increasingly suspecting mnetters watch far too much telly .

*I dont want to be too outing but they are suspected for crimes much worse than burglary.

I may not be in danger by just handing it in, but it could potentially be grave danger for me if ex is contacted/sanctioned in any way.*

Maybe this is why.

misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 01:12

Greenshake · 08/12/2022 01:01

@misssunshine4040 don’t be so patronising. Not only do I very much live in the real world, I work in Criminal Justice.

You are being patronising suggesting that the op invited the trouble into her life and that the ex is a women therefore can't be a danger.

If you work in criminal justice then you will be well aware that witnesses can be intimidated and repercussions happen.
The OP has said they are involved in crimes worse that burglary. You will know how dangerous such people can be.
It's a diamond necklace, not worth it.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 08/12/2022 01:12

Happytohelp2 · 08/12/2022 00:03

Now you know it’s stolen you are committing the offence of handling stolen goods by keeping it, making you liable to criminal prosecution. It’s not yours to dispose of regardless of what you do with the money. You need to hand it in asap.

Exactly, but she used to work for the Police but comes on Mumsnet unsure what to do?

Greenshake · 08/12/2022 01:17

misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 01:12

You are being patronising suggesting that the op invited the trouble into her life and that the ex is a women therefore can't be a danger.

If you work in criminal justice then you will be well aware that witnesses can be intimidated and repercussions happen.
The OP has said they are involved in crimes worse that burglary. You will know how dangerous such people can be.
It's a diamond necklace, not worth it.

Show quote history

Why don’t you reference the later comments from the OP where she says she is inclined to believe that nothing will happen? Not did I say that women cannot present a danger.

stillvicarinatutu · 08/12/2022 01:18

Op is asking what to do ethically.

She's been told what to do ethically.

I'm guessing she asked because she wanted to know .