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Original poster

To feel like a criminal for owning this-what to do ethically?

243 replies

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 22:55

Name changed obviously!

My ex gave me a diamond necklace and bracelet set while we were dating. We've been split for roughly five years and it was given to me early on in the relationship so quite a long time ago now.

I found out about my ex's chequered past in a 'drip feed' while dating them.

I have recently learned that this jewelry was obtained via a house burglary.

It's not worth mega but enough, roughly about £800 second hand.

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner-ex can't even remember which burglary it was nor which town it was in although not many to choose from.

I absolutely love it, I only ever wore it on occasion as It's rather 'blingy'.

A friend has suggested I put it up on various local FB pages explaining how I obtained it and asking if anyone had it stolen but this seems that it still could end up with someone who hadn't ever owned it, and could open a can of worms for me/my abusive ex.

What would you do?

Perhaps sell and give the money to a charity that supports victims of similar crimes?

OP posts:
misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 01:21

@Greenshake because is the risk worth it?
She said if they contacted her it would be bad and she's inclined to think nothing would happen but not a guarantee.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not supporting anyone not reporting a crime or think that we should all go turn blind eyes, absolutely not.
I just think in this case, time has passed, her ex is dangerous and it's a necklace.
Why risk bringing that trouble to your door.

Greenshake · 08/12/2022 01:25

This is ridiculous. The vast majority of people on this thread, as well as the law, make it quite clear what should happen. If you want to disagree, that’s your prerogative.

Nevermind91 · 08/12/2022 01:27

Hand it in, now. Anonymously.
It is not yours.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Clothing
misssunshine4040 · 08/12/2022 01:29

Greenshake · 08/12/2022 01:25

This is ridiculous. The vast majority of people on this thread, as well as the law, make it quite clear what should happen. If you want to disagree, that’s your prerogative.

Yes, ethically, morally and legally you are correct and that's what should happen but I was just concerned for her safety.
If op is confident that she won't be putting herself at risk then that's what she should do

camdenn · 08/12/2022 01:30

I don’t agree with the comments saying to hand it into the police. What if the police arrest OP’s ex and compel OP to give a statement/attend court? The ex is a dangerous and abusive person, you cannot rule out the possibly of assault to OP for “snitching”. Criminals are NOT reasonable humans. It’s not like OP is anonymous in this situation - the ex knows OP was gifted it. It all circles back to OP.

Secondly, OP has had this valuable necklace for 5 years. What if the ex states OP always knew it was stolen or that OP was involved in the burglary? What if the police wrongly arrest OP? It could come across that OP was a willing participant during the relationship but is trying to get revenge now the relationship broke down.

the repercussions involved could risk OP’s life. If I was free of an abusive ex, I wouldn’t be trying to invite danger from them back into my life over this. The police do not really prioritise DV or stalking or harassment offences so OP has everything to lose here. I would not keep or wear the necklace.

rainydays365 · 08/12/2022 01:31

Just keep it and donate some money to charity if you feel guilty that's what I would do

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/12/2022 01:36

The naivety of "Hand it in, the police will sort it" is sad and yet somehow funny.

They wont, they will weigh up the options and chances are wont bother to do anything. In order to square away morals and universal justice, I would say sell it and donate to Refuge, it will do far more good that way and its what I personally would want the OP to do with goods that were stolen from me years ago if I had a choice.

Luredbyapomegranate · 08/12/2022 01:56

MadelineUsher · 07/12/2022 22:59

I guess I've absolutely no chance of finding its rightful owner

That's not your job. Hand it over to the police, and let them find the owner.

Because the police have time for that… if you give it to the police they’ll stick in a box somewhere

Either just keep it and enjoy or sell it and donate the money to charity. Either is fine. You didn’t nick it or realise it was nicked.

MadelineUsher · 08/12/2022 01:59

Good to see the usual lack of morals out in full force.

MadelineUsher · 08/12/2022 02:01

TwoRockSalmonAndAHaporthOfChips · 07/12/2022 23:04

There is a register of stolen items like this - I used to work in a an auction house and we would receive it regularly so that we could spot anything stolen that was brought in for sale. If you try to sell, you are very likely to find yourself on the receiving end of a visit from the constabulary. You must hand it in to the police. There might be a reward for doing so. Those items could have sentimental, as well as financial, value for someone.

Exactly.

DeFacto · 08/12/2022 02:07

What would I do?

Sell it at a cash-coverters type place and give the money to a women's charity.

Realistically it will never find its rightful owner and this cleans it as best it could.

Justellingthetruth · 08/12/2022 02:11

@Necklaceowner

easy hand it in at police station

Gingerangel · 08/12/2022 02:13

I would probably just keep it, and wear it whenever you want , there’s not a lot else you can do.

if you take it to the police you might be implicating yourself by owning stolen property… I’m not sure of the law in this area…

And if you sell it, it might flag up on the system as stolen jewellery.

Goldpaw · 08/12/2022 02:14

The police in my experience are generally useless.

However, they're the only real way there's a chance the jewellery will be reunited with its owner.

But like others have mentioned there's a risk this will stir things up and attract the attention of your ex and his criminal friends. Even if you do it anonymously.

You can't wear it because the owner might see it.

You can't sell it in case it flags up somewhere.

And you can't advertise on FB for many reasons!

I think I'd probably anonymously give it to the police with a note saying you believe it to be stolen even if it does end up in a box somewhere. It's morally the right thing to do, and all thigs considered it's the least risky.

Don't forget to get rid of any fingerprints first.

changeme4this · 08/12/2022 02:59

You are assuming the police will do bugger all however be a squeaky wheel and all that, keep in touch with them.

When mum had cards stolen from the care home she lived at, the police showed me photos of the jewellery they also recovered and they were very keen to get these back to the proper owners.

At the time all I knew about was Mum's debit cards, but now she is in a private hospital, I don't remember seeing her pearls apart from the last time she wore them here for a christmas some years ago.

You will know where your ex hung out, chances are he didn't travel far to rip people off. I would give it a go with the police, but take extensive photos first.

garlictwist · 08/12/2022 03:23

Sell it and give the money to a victim support charity.

Furries · 08/12/2022 03:29

So, you worked for the police for a long time. You’re in possession of stolen goods. Via a relationship that was long-standing. And said person is likely to have committed worse crimes. But not worth reporting because stuff sits dusty on forgotten shelves in the police force. And, after all this time, you’re asking for the wise opinion of MN.

A remarkable state of affairs, OP.

The simple answer is to keep it. After all, no point handing it over - the police will do nothing plus your ex is likely to have done worse so not worth the risk. Not sure I’d want this detail posted on a popular site, sounds fairly outing.

If, of course, it’s true.

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 08/12/2022 03:31

I was burgled many years ago, and the sadness of losing so many sentimental pieces of jewellery, none particularly valuable, continues to this day. Part of my grandfather’s silver watch chain, made into a bracelet - absolutely priceless to me, and lovely things that my late husband chose for my birthday and Christmas presents. Yes, we received money from our insurance company, but I didn’t want that. I wanted my things back. I wanted to not remember that someone broke into my home. My safe space. Ransacked my bedroom. When I was out, I pictured it happening again and again. Afraid to go home, afraid to go out. I don’t live in that house now. I never ever felt safe again.

If I had the chance to have just one piece of my jewellery back, I would be so happy.

Please give the owner of your items that chance.

Furries · 08/12/2022 03:41

MadelineUsher · 08/12/2022 02:01

Exactly.

Show quote history

This. Yes, the chances might be small, but there’s still a chance that it could be picked up.

OP - will you ever get pleasure from wearing the items? Will you ever feel really comfortable wearing them? If not, then do something about it. Hand them in to the police - take a photo of what you hand in. If you’re not “comfortable” with that, sell them and donate.

And maybe ask for this thread to be removed. You’re conflicted on both sides (working for police at some point and in possession of stolen goods). Not conducive to good sm posting.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/12/2022 03:52

Blossomtoes · 08/12/2022 00:01

We were burgled a few years ago. They took the jewellery I inherited from my granny, including the bracelet my grandpa gave her for her 21st birthday. Obviously we claimed on our insurance and were recompensed. If it was returned to us it would give us a moral dilemma because we’d need to repay the insurance company - and I can’t even remember who we were insured with.

If it was my jewellery I’d prefer you to keep it. I wouldn’t want to open the insurance can of worms nor would I want the items any more, they’d always feel tainted and remind me of how horribly upsetting the burglary was.

I’ve had a watch stolen off my wrist and a second attempt, which failed - neither very expensive btw and I’ve been burgled twice. The second time I was home and they got nothing as they woke me up. I would love the sentimental pieces returned and wouldn’t see them as tainted. An item from a grandparent is perhaps different than an item from a deceased parent or spouse.

NeuroticAgain · 08/12/2022 05:22

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 23:23

Yes, It's very sad. I've been burgled before. At a time where I had next to nothing. They took a knackered old TV, a purse containing about £30 and a couple of other bits and bats that might have been saleable again for very little.

When I worked for the police we did a course on burglaries where they'd interviewed prisoners (I think they got a reduced sentence in return) about who they would and wouldn't burgle.

From memory most people said that without question they'd never enter a house known to occupy a dog. No matter the size.

Most also said they'd never enter somewhere without a clear escape route.

Surprisingly, a lot said they'd take everything but never someone's TV. Many said they'd never burgle an elderly person.

This time of year is rife because people buy presents and dispose of original packaging and/or receipts in outside bins once said present is wrapped up.

It's very sad.

@Grimchmas I am not certain on that to be honest. Not something I was privy to-most of my dealings with property were marveling at how many years it had been sitting there collecting dust.

Show quote history

In a weird way not burglarising the elderly seems moral. But again stealing is never ok but I think it’s pretty low to steal from elderly

OP. Thank you for the tips and knowledge about keeping safe Necklace belongs to someone else you need to return it to the police. A lot of people are very sentimental about jewellery as it holds a lot of memories. I think you know the right thing to do.

ittakes2 · 08/12/2022 05:26

I found a diamond ring and handed it into the police who asked me to collect it after no one came for it after 3 months. When signing it to me they said I can’t sell it as not legally mine. Not that I had intended to.
it’s likely the police have photos of stolen jewellery on their database surely?
I would not be selling goods you know are stolen!!

HollyDollyChristmas · 08/12/2022 05:35

Necklaceowner · 07/12/2022 23:03

Thanks all.

Well I guess I am a bit against telling the police as I worked for them for 12 years. They won't do anything IME. Just stick it in their property stores forever. Complicated by not even knowing which police force it would be in the region of.

The burglary was maybe not even reported given my ex used to only do this sort of thing to other criminals.

I'll have a think.

If you worked for the police for 12 years you should know what the right thing to do is. Even if it sits in property for a year before anything happens it is the right thing. I don’t know what capacity you worked for the police in but as someone who works directly with neighbourhood officers now as a civilian and has done for 17 years if it was handed in to our station we would do everything we could to find it’s rightful owner.

Zanatdy · 08/12/2022 05:53

If there was a risk to me by handing them in then I wouldn’t do it. Especially if I had kids. At the end of the day you didn’t commit the burglary and the chances of them getting to the rightful owner is next to impossible. Unless there’s something identifiable. Like you said, most likely end up in some police safe forever more

TiAmoTiAmo · 08/12/2022 06:13

Oh my God at the go to police and FB suggestions! I would chuck it in a river or lake away from CCTVs.
He is a dodgy character if you report him police will want a statement from you and will want to speak to him as they can't not investigate it.
It was a crappy old necklace worth 800 quids hardly the Maharajas ruby.