Growing up we were not poor but certainly cash poor for many years and yet DP decorated the house beautifully, good music, a feast of food and some presents. Nothing excessive or wow but it was all wonderful.
Eg a book about insects, monopoly game and a Barbie and some chocolate and a basic stocking with pencils etc.
It all felt different, special and grand. Since then I've had very frugal xmasses in all sorts of reduced circumstance places with no gift's, basic food etc but the feeling was cheery and happy.
I can't get my head around in law's version of Xmas and my dp are overseas and we see them at other times of the year but not Xmas.
In law's are v v comfortably off and I actually find going there depressing.
They seem to want everything they do to be "better" and we have to admire mils tree like it's the best ( it isn't).
She will serve Sainsbury's canapés but makes out like she's really spoiling us ( I've seen her really pull stop's out for business clients and she would make stuff or buy Waitrose/ m and s).
I'm very happy with Sainsbury's or Tesco party food and serve it to my guest mixed in with homemade or something higher end but I don't sort of serve it as if I'm doing my guests a massive favour.
She keeps to a very strict budget of I reckon between 20 / 50 pounds. I'm very grateful for anyone buying me a gift but it sort of ruins it when she proudly states how she got our gifts reduced from x or 3 for 2 Argos etc.
She always refers back to how she saved money on them , eg one year a shaving travel kit for DH and a similar set from boots for me and she proudly tells us how it was buy one get one half price.
For the DC one was given a sticker book with some sticker sheets missing and she says she got a reduction because of that.
She spends far more on her own parents and sister and I'm sure her nieces and nephews.
When we eat there she will again look sad and say how she had to buy us food from a wholesaler or how she got it reduced.
I've seen her spend on herself though and buys the finest clothes and food for herself.
Of course it's her business what she does with her money but what I mean she she can splurge where she wants too.
When we give her and fil gift's they are very comfortable to say what they don't like but we are on a truly tight budget.
It's the tone and atmosphere that gets me ,there is no music I'm very easy to please actually and have spent very lean xmasses for many years. I would be very happy at in law's if I didn't feel I had to profusely thank mil for gift's she's literally brought straining every sinew to save money on. Praise her to the high heaven's for basic supermarket party food?
The spirit of Xmas doesn't seem to be there at all. I think money is a huge theme with them anyway, but it feels like they are always modelling how to save money?
DH and I have a tight budget all year, we have too and at Xmas I like to feel comfortable, we save for Xmas and I don't want to talk about saving money or be made to feel guilty because we went for a nicer turkey etc?
How do I get through it? It feels totally against Xmas?