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Original poster

How did you show yourself up during labour?

488 replies

garlicy · 25/11/2022 19:34

I was off my head on pethidine and obsessed with the fire alarm going off Blush Every time a new member of staff appeared, I would ask if them what would happen if the fire alarm went off, including the surgeon who eventually did my section.

I know to this day that I am known as the Fire Alarm Lady in that hospital Grin

OP posts:
Cocolapew · 25/11/2022 20:28

I had my eyes closed for most of labour. I needed forceps and the Dr was getting annoyed because I wouldn't look at him. I told him I listen with my ears I didn't need my eyes and they could take them out if they wanted. For some reason he kept on about it saying I needed to look at him while he explained what was going to happen. I propped myself up onto my elbows and hissed you wouldn't expect me to look if I was blind so lets pretend I am, still with my eyes closed.
I also apologised for the screaming and swearing to be told it was the lady next door. I then screamed shut up you bitch you're putting me off.
I also had pethadine.

ThePumpking · 25/11/2022 20:31

My first was a 3 day labour and I was delirious by the end having no sleep and allllll the drugs offered but during it I kept apologising for being so loud, the midwives looked really bemused and kept telling me I wasn't making a sound. In my head I was screaming. Also when asked what the pressure felt like I replied "you know when you need a poo but think you'll make it home fine" and then later on "when you need a poo and you're glad you have a downstairs loo because otherwise you'd shit on the stairs".

Second labour was much faster, when I got to the hospital I had a VE. I was expecting the same as last time (2cm after over 24hours contractions) the student told me I was 8cm and I declared between puffs of gas and air that I could kiss her and she could examine me any time if she was giving me news like that. Then threw up and pissed myself.

caramac4 · 25/11/2022 20:32

High on pethidine, I sang 10 little Indians to the street light outside the window!
I needed stitches and I shouted at the consultant...Oi, you're not sewing a button on your coat, stop hurting me! He slapped my leg and told the midwife to give me more gas and air! 🤣

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MKDmumofflash · 25/11/2022 20:34

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Privatestate1 · 25/11/2022 20:34

I was also off my head on pethadine and remember shouting at my DH ‘this is so good it’s like when we used to go to raves!’ Or something similar 😂 🙈

dammitJanet81 · 25/11/2022 20:36

I apologised to the midwife for being boring and "bad chat" whilst sitting on birthing ball, pretty much passed out with my upper half splayed across the bed.

I also slurred "please, don't feel obligated to chat to me. Honestly, I'm fine" as I vomited into my cardboard bowl.

Crunchymum · 25/11/2022 20:36

Diamorphine related for me. Had already done 36h of early labour at home and was absolutely exhausted (was 7cm when I went in but stalled) decided against an epidural but for some reason decided to have some Diamorphine to help me "rest". It just made me high, like I was tripping.

I hallucinationated poo (I'm still convinced to this day I pooed myself but DP swears it was all part of my hallucination) being walked by staff all over the floor. Every time someone moved around the bed or came in I was shouting "watch the poo, it's all over the floor". I then further hallucinationated that one of the MW's told me it wasn't poo, it was leaves walked in on someone's shoes. So I was then seeing a carpet of leaves on the floor. Madness.

DC2 was a completely different experience. Just myself , DP and one MW in the birthing suite.

Me: "I need to push, it fucking hurts so much, I'm in so much fucking pain, make it fucking stop"
MW: "you don't need to use that language, you don't want them to be the first words your baby hears"
Me: "fuck you" 😔

Cocolapew · 25/11/2022 20:36

Oh and when I was being sewn up I told the Dr to stop waving the needle around because he'd have someones eye out, I've no idea why I was so obsessed with bloody eyes.

Anothernamechange24 · 25/11/2022 20:36

During my c section with my daughter I shouted at the anaesthetist to stop stroking my hair as it was weird. It was actually my husband stroking my hair.
With my son I was told I was 1cm dilated, yelled at the midwife that must be wrong cos the day before I'd been 2 cunting cos dilated when I'd had a sweep. Also cried when the midwife went off shift as didn't want her to leave me!

Anothernamechange24 · 25/11/2022 20:37

2 cutting cm!! Wish could edit.

Anothernamechange24 · 25/11/2022 20:37

Oh dear god.
You get the idea.

Izadrennan · 25/11/2022 20:37

Asked the consultant to give me my virginity back when stitching what was left of my dignity after a ventouse delivery 😂 was my fourth birth 🤦🏻‍♀️

dammitJanet81 · 25/11/2022 20:38

DangerNoodles · 25/11/2022 19:55

High as a kite on drugs, I heard a rustling sound and thought it was a carrier bag. I told them not to put the baby in a carrier bag, I had my own bag. The midwife asked me if I had remembered my clubcard 😂

😂

ThePumpking · 25/11/2022 20:39

Oh and with my first I begged them to just pull him out. Ended up a ventouse delivery so I guess I got my wish

Whiskyvodka · 25/11/2022 20:39

After dd was born I felt a bit dizzy from the gas and air so told them to let dh hold her.
When the dr came to stitch me he gave me more gas and air and in my woozy state I cried and said ‘nobody has let me hold my baby yet.’
The dr gave the midwife a telling off and I still feel guilty years later because it wasn’t true.

A friend told her dh to put his bike in the shed. They didn’t own a bike or a shed!

Baconand · 25/11/2022 20:39

I told anyone that would listen that I was dying and no-one cared, including my husband. I had a bit of a big bleed at one point as it was going fast.

I also screamed “I do not consent. I do not consent. If you touch me I’ll fucking sue” at a consultant I took a dislike to. Poor woman was only trying to help.

In my small defence I was high risk and meant to be having an induction, managed delivery and epidural. But instead I had a fast natural labour with continuous contractions from the start and no time for epidural and I was absolutely terrified as had only agreed to not have a section on the basis I would definitely have an epidural. Hurt like hell but had no damage and was pretty quick (6hrs start to finish).

I also held the record for the most gas consumed that the midwife ever saw, and I was the last birth the student midwife needed to do before she qualified and she was a student at the uni I work at and I watched her later graduate.

All in all, quite the experience! 🙈😂

CheeseAndNutellaSandwich · 25/11/2022 20:39

I dread to think tbh. Although I remember watching ‘One Born Every Minute’ a couple of years later and the midwife discreetly cleaned the lady up when she shit herself. I asked my ex if I did that and he just looked embarrassed and said ‘yes’. I mean, I know a lot of women do it but I still found it embarrassing 😆 💩

Wotwotwotwotwot · 25/11/2022 20:40

Lots of mooing

AdditionalCharacter · 25/11/2022 20:42

Had an emergency c section. Was high as a kite with pethidine from a long labour and whatever they gave me in the theatre, numb from the waist down.
When they were moving me from the operating table to a bed, I asked why they were moving a pair of legs with me that were obviously not mine. I thought they were a comedy pair of legs and mine had been left on the table.

During labour, sucking in gas and air, I also rambled on about how all the characters from Winnie the Pooh had 6 letters in their names. They don't, but I was adamant they did.

dammitJanet81 · 25/11/2022 20:42

SirChenjins · 25/11/2022 20:09

I was high on gas and air and when the midwife asked if she could examine me I said “you can do whatever you like to me^ in a very seductive, come-hither voice. She looked very nervous and DH looked at me like ‘wtf?’. Mortifying.

Haha 😆

RoachTheHorse · 25/11/2022 20:43

I was being stitched up post birth and on gas and air. I'd had an anaesthetic injection but it was wearing off and they still had a stitch or two to go. They asked if I needed more numbing and I'm the lady who said...

...and I remind you I was in gas and air...

"If men can get stitched up in the battle field without anaesthetic I can manage this now"

I do not recommend having your buys stitched when you can feel it 🤣

DramaAlpaca · 25/11/2022 20:44

During transition I roared at a midwife entering the room to fuck off. Later, as she bent down to examine me, my waters chose that minute to burst. Poor woman got a faceful.

Next baby, during the transition stage again, started wailing about wanting to go home. I'd quite forgotten I was having a home birth.

IneedcoffeeinanIV · 25/11/2022 20:44

I'd had diamorphine, gas and air and then an epidural (had nothing with my first so went all out this time as a treat)

I remember laying there fully convinced everyone was having a conversation so I kept jumping in like ' yeah me too hahahaa'. Not a single word was being said any of the million times I did it. Also projectile vomited red lucozade sport on my student midwives lovely white uniform

TheLizardQueen · 25/11/2022 20:44

After my pethidine injection I kept whispering to DH asking him to check my bum because I could have sworn the midwife had left the needle in there (it was really nippy!)

Bloodyknowitall · 25/11/2022 20:44

Not during labour but shortly after, having just given birth by c section, I rang for the nurse in a bit of a huff to tell the couple next to me to change their baby’s nappy as the smell was awful and they seemed to be oblivious…. You know what’s coming… yep, it wasn’t their baby at all, I’d shat myself but didn’t realise being numb from the waist down ‘n all!