How did you show yourself up during labour?

[garlicy]

I was off my head on pethidine and obsessed with the fire alarm going off Every time a new member of staff appeared, I would ask if them what would happen if the fire alarm went off, including the surgeon who eventually did my section.

I know to this day that I am known as the Fire Alarm Lady in that hospital

Yes I did I shortened it to shanksy…😂

Oh my god, that's reduced me to tears! 🤣
I'm laid in bed next to my son, and I've nearly choked trying to stiffle my laughter. I have real tears rolling. I hurt from holding it in!

During my first labour the epidural fell out. I had been in hospital for three days before for induction before they finally broke my waters. I was completely exhausted. So when the anaesthetist came back and was so apologetic and lovely he developed God like status in my eyes - he was the loveliest, nicest looking man I had ever seen! My view was cemented when he was a total hero during my very scary emergency section later that day.

Skip forward two and a half years we were back for the birth of our second baby. On the way to the ward we passed a very ordinary looking man in the corridor. He stopped to say hello. When he had gone I asked DH who he was. Yep - my God like anaesthetist from last time!

Never mind beer goggles - epidural goggles are a real thing!😂

I agree with everything you've said about men expecting women to have sex post partum. The phrase Irish twins is offensive though.

Sorry I didn't know. I will reframe from using that term from now on.

Labour 1 I was obsessed with what I was going to drink on Xmas evening. DD was born on the 23rd Dec and all I talked about the entire labour was which alcoholic drink I wanted. I insisted my Mum rang my Dad to get to the off license and get me some Tia Maria (I absolutely detest the stuff and would never drink it) before they closed for the xmas holidays. The MW must have thought I was a raging alcoholic. I then very calmly said Id changed my mind and didn't want a baby after all and I'd like to leave now could they get my bag? The MW sniggered and said I should have thought about that months ago.

Labour 2 the MW was asking about names we'd chose and we said we'd a few posibilities. DH mentions how his Dad was trying to get us to name the baby after him and said his Dad's name, I go off on a drug induced tangent about how awful the name is, how I'd never inflict it on a baby, how he'd get bullied at school because of how awful it is only for her to say that's her sons name.

Labour 3 I kept saying I felt like I had to poo, MW was insistent I didn't so I'd believe her for a bit then start freaking out that I had to poo a few minutes later again. At one stage I shouted 'I've to poo! I've to poo!' MW is in the corner of the room doing paperwork and says no, it's just the pressure to which I shout 'No, I definitely have to poo it's coming out' she comes to check and says oh it's the head to which I freaked out and shouted 'the poo has a head??' DH was agast at how freaked out I got by the thought of weird turd appearing with an actual head on it but I was terrified. (and I did poo)

Called the doctor dr who and asked where his tardis was
told him I loved him and he was my hearo.
Told the midwife "I told you it wasn't working you stupid cow" (she kept pushing g&a towards me and finally realised it wasn't switched on or something)
Demanded they pull DD out by her f*cking ears.

i had a very fast labour with basically one single hour-long contraction. My abiding memory is the horrified faces of the people crossing the road in front of our car while I howled like a mofo 😂

Gas and air, thought I’d done a poo during pushing and despite their comments of ‘no, you’re fine, don’t worry’ etc, was shouting ‘I can smell it, you haven’t cleaned up’ then refused to push until they did so. Still no idea if I did or if they just went through a charade of changing the sheet etc, although I’m pretty sure I had done one…

First labour while pushing I bit my husband's arm 🤣

I was in full labour and progressing very quickly. The midwives told my dh to take my underwear off. I screamed no, he only wants to fuck me😂

Demanded student doctor married me.. became increasingly insistent and all in front of poor DP!

With my first baby I remember when pushing her out the midwife said "ooh hasn't she got lovely black hair!" .. I blurted out "What, me or the baby?!!!" 😳

With my second my highlight was trying to climb up the back of the bed screaming I am going home now - midwife kindly informed me that wasn't possible with a baby coming out of me 😂