Half siblings with the same name

[Jasparconcorde]

Ex husband and I are both expecting new babies due within weeks of each other.
We have ds10 and ds6 together.
We are both having girls and he ‘informed’ me he will be using a name that he knows holds great sentimental meaning to me. It was our number 1 girl name if our sons had been girls, and has been very personal to me throughout my life. It took me aback and hurt me a lot he would use a name he knew full well I would be using for my daughter. When we found out we were expecting a girl, several weeks before he found out his babies gender, he said ‘I presume you’ll use the name X’? I said yes. His reason for wanting to use it is because his wife likes it and has no knowledge of it’s value to me, supposedly.
Now I know nobody owns a name and he’s entitled to name his child whatever he choses, but out of all the names he couldn’t just pick a similar/variant of the name? Use it as a middle name!?
Despite the upset, I’ve come here to ask how difficult this will be for my sons if they have siblings on both sides with the same names.
Im expecting it to be confusing with a lot of X at dads, X at home etc. Has this happened to anyone here who could advise further please? I won’t be budging on the name regardless. Their baby is likely to be born first therefore putting me in a position of seeming to ‘copy’ out of spite.
my husband has reassured me it’s fine and isn’t my problem, but I worry over my sons views on it and if I should speak to them before the babies are born.

Or, "I have three. One brother and two half sisters."

How many people are going to follow that up with asking their names and ages?

If they do, they then say, "So my brother is called Tom, and then, funny story, both my half sisters are called Laura. One is my mum's and the other is my dad's. They're never in the same place at the same time though, haha!"

And you can't see the difference between a person having two cousins with the same name and a person having two sisters with the same name?

Half sisters. Who live in different households an hour apart. Who will very, very rarely be in the same social situations. Even extended family get-togethers will be either dad's side or mum's side. Pretty sure no one is going to get confused.

Or it will be one of those things they use in those annoying team building sessions.

"I want you to tell everyone something interesting about you."
"I have two sisters called Laura."

It's such a non-event. It's not going to harm them or negatively affect them in any way.

Imagine the simplicity of being able to say 'my sisters are called Sarah and Sophie' and not having to have these supposedly 'haha' conversations about why both your sisters have the same names. Shame it has to be all about the parents and their wants.

All the names in the world to choose from - just let the boys have Sisters with different names.

Theres more to the world than just you... litrally billions of people take part in religeous age marking event, litrally millions graduate and celebrate with family, litrally millions have engagement parties (nearly everyone I know did).

Honestly you sound so embarassingly small minded and uncultured here on top of being dull, I mean do you never celebrate anything?

There litrally tonnes of event in these boys lives where they will logically want ALL their siblings to attend, if you think these boys are never going to have any big life events that involve family your bloody deluded.

Your also only looking at this as if they are little children... they grow.

Whose funeral (apart from theres) their wives, possibly children (it unfortunately does happen sometimes) etc... they are going to be in each others lives forever there WILL be cross overs.

or even just to support them when a loved one dies (my DH went to his best friends dads funeral, he barely knew the guy because he lived in a hospice for 20 years but his friend wanted support).

I have a different dad to my bothers but I would happily go to my brothers family funerals to support them because they are my brothers and different parent or not we get along exactly like full blood siblings, they also came to my grandmas funeral.

Wow, how rude.

How about we let the OP be the judge of whether her sons are likely to have a million and one events that they will want to invite everyone from both sides of their family to?

Given that she's said they'll be doing separate birthdays, it seems unlikely tbh.

I have adult SC and I know they would find it strange.

Given that she's said they'll be doing separate birthdays, it seems unlikely tbh.

How does OP know in the future they won't be doing a lot of events together when they are older. If the boys are close to their Sisters then they are more than likely to see each other quite a bit. When OP is older they might socialise together without her.

This

Hmm I'd be inclined to get in touch with his new wife and say how happy you are that the new girls will share a name that you've cherished with Exdh for so many years and spent time considering together if you were ever to have a girl. Can't believe how they included you in the naming of their dd even though your his ex. It's so wonderful thanksssss

or she could just have a normal conversation. no snark or 'witty' poems needed.

They have already had lots going on - divorce of their parents, two remarriages, two pregnancies. The little one is only 6.
Personally I can’t fathom doing something that might impact them negatively. Adults should prioritise best interests of children. Even if it’s only teasing at school when they say they have two new baby sisters both called x in January - or comments on their wedding day it’s them that’s impacted through no fault of their own. One or twenty events I’d want to avoid any hassle to my existing children especially if they’re already had lots to deal with.

Yeah, don't do this or any of the other pass agg suggestions that will just make the OP look like a dick!

My Dad was called David, my brother was called David, I had an Uncle David and a great uncle David.
My DD has the same name as my sister in law.
It hasn’t been an issue.
Your boys will find a way to differentiate.

I have family members with the same name so we always call them by their full name and it bugs me. Not a huge amount but it's sometimes annoying I can't just say one name.

But I think the biggest issue is that the boys' sisters will be so close in age! There is going to be a few days between them realistically. I don't know what the solution is as OP isnt going to change the name but I would start by never mentioning it to exH again and not letting him know it has annoyed you.

Really, everyone is called David?

@DesertIslandCondiment I knew a family where everyone was called John and if it wasn't a first name it was one of their middle names. All the boring Johns. 😄

I would use the name. Your ex could be saying this to upset you, because he knows how important it is to you. It wouldn't surprise me if he was hoping that your baby would come first and you would not use the name. He could then 'change his mind' about using it when his baby is born, thereby ensuring you don't get to use the name you so desperately want without any cost to him at all. Your DC's know and understand why you want to use the name, so I would go ahead and use it.

Everybody saying use the name are thinking about OP's feelings not the boys. Do not give the baby girls the same name. It is weird.

The boys will be getting used to new siblings. Parents fighting over the same name and giving it to the babies is just selfish and they need to grow up.

It's unfair but I think using the same name would cause problems. Could you use 'your' name as a middle name and pick a different first name?

Completely agree. Divorce, new step parents on both sides, new sibling arriving on both sides, parents more interested in their petty grievances, and now the nonsense of two sisters potentially having the same name? Poor boys. At least they have one another I suppose.

To the previous posters saying they might be at family events like weddings etc together in the future….so what? Why is it a problem if two women with the same first name attend the same wedding? It’s perfectly normal in some families for cousins to share a ‘family’ name, and somehow it isn’t complete chaos at every family event.