Half siblings with the same name

[Jasparconcorde]

Ex husband and I are both expecting new babies due within weeks of each other.
We have ds10 and ds6 together.
We are both having girls and he ‘informed’ me he will be using a name that he knows holds great sentimental meaning to me. It was our number 1 girl name if our sons had been girls, and has been very personal to me throughout my life. It took me aback and hurt me a lot he would use a name he knew full well I would be using for my daughter. When we found out we were expecting a girl, several weeks before he found out his babies gender, he said ‘I presume you’ll use the name X’? I said yes. His reason for wanting to use it is because his wife likes it and has no knowledge of it’s value to me, supposedly.
Now I know nobody owns a name and he’s entitled to name his child whatever he choses, but out of all the names he couldn’t just pick a similar/variant of the name? Use it as a middle name!?
Despite the upset, I’ve come here to ask how difficult this will be for my sons if they have siblings on both sides with the same names.
Im expecting it to be confusing with a lot of X at dads, X at home etc. Has this happened to anyone here who could advise further please? I won’t be budging on the name regardless. Their baby is likely to be born first therefore putting me in a position of seeming to ‘copy’ out of spite.
my husband has reassured me it’s fine and isn’t my problem, but I worry over my sons views on it and if I should speak to them before the babies are born.

Oh well, that's what matters, people knowing who copied who. Are you 12?

It shouldn't be about the adults, it's about the children involved.

I would also say to the OP as I would to anyone using an honor that its better in the middle spot and for your daughter to have her own identity or at least a verient... the person meant something to YOU not her and shouldnt be her whole identity.

Example: say her name was Edna than Sophia Edna or Edie or Edan Marie etc...

Your due first, so will most likely have the baby first. I agree with PPs, start calling the bump/baby by the name you want.

You're due first

My thoughts exactly.

The name could well have meaning for the new partner as well. Unlikely but possible.

You can do whatever you choose op. Can you pick another name? Or wait and see how your baby looks like and then firmly decide?
Your ex is vile for doing this. However, this name will follow your baby for the rest of her life. It is sometimes a burden to remind people of a significant situation, instead of an honour. I'm sure you consider that.

Use the name.

forget xh

your boys will be fine with it

if you speak to xh again say you’re looking forward to the two girlies having the same name and how cute it’ll be. A crock of shit obviously, but it seems he warrants it.

I also wonder if he's just said it to wind you up. They may choose another name when baby is born anyway -lots of people take a look at newborn baby and decide the planned name somehow doesn't suit that particular baby somehow and pick a different one (as might you, who knows).

I have 2 half sisters called the same name. One was adopted outside the family and we only made contact as adults so not quite the same thing as your situation. A bloody coincidence though! It is a bit odd but we manage. We either refer to them as "OtherJackie" when in the company of one of them, or when neither are there, Jackie1 and Jackie2 (No1 being the older one), Little Jackie (the short one) or by where they live e.g "LondonJackie", sometimes it's by surname initial e.g JackieF and JackieH. (Note - their name isn't Jackie!).

Anyway, I think your sons will find a way to differentiate if it does happen. Possibly a nickname only used when in Mum or Dad's house to refer to the 'other' sister. I'd explain why the name is important to you in an age appropriate way now and explain you aren't 'copying Daddy'. They will understand better as they get older (and see it was a vindictive thing to do).

Let's also hope their little sister from Dad doesn't ever feel in future that she was used as a pawn in a silly game he was playing.

DD has 2 cousins with the same name. When she was tiny, I think she believed that all male cousins were called that (like aunty)

Really, it's a non-issue. A person is not their name. When you think about someone, you think of the whole person and everything they are to you - you just use the name as an easy way to communicate. Everyone will very quickly get used to adding something which makes it obvious who they're talking about when it's necessary.

If you can, I would find a way to let the new wife know. But more as a courtesy to her than as an attempt to get her to change it. Ie so that she doesn't feel stupid and hurt finding out after the fact, and to give her a chance to choose a different name if she wants to.

What a twat ,if you have baby first hopefully his wife will have more sense than to name his kid the same ,but if she doesn’t,your sons will cope

Would you consider writing a message for your sm detailing your experience and connecting the name -as way of explanation for your intended choice.
I usually hate sm out pouring but this seems a less cringey way of announcing the intended name and justifying (not that you need to) why.

What a horrible man your ex is. I hope you can enjoy your daughter when she arrives and not less this ruin your happiness

Yes, and like I said, "I know three families that contain siblings or step-siblings with the same name." My gran had the same name as her full sister (well, technically the long versions of their name were slightly different but the shortened version that everyone called them by was the same). And I also knew a Spanish woman who named her three daughters Maria, but with different middle names, so always called them by their first and middle names together.

Actually, while writing this my mum has just reminded me that she had two uncles who were half-brothers but grew up in the same house who were both called John. (The second one had a nickname that everyone knew him by, to the point it was written in the biggest lettering on his headstone). So yeah, I don't think it needs to be an issue.

DD has 2 cousins with the same name. When she was tiny, I think she believed that all male cousins were called that (like aunty) Grin Really, it's a non-issue.

?

And you can't see the difference between a person having two cousins with the same name and a person having two sisters with the same name?

HNRTT but are you sure he is being unpleasant and lying when he says his DP likes/chose it. I suppose if you were the subsequent DW and told you shouldn't use a name you love as much as you seem to love it because of an ex's choice?

Regarding confusion, in practice the two children will acquire different nicknames/shortened names, in line with Goodfellas.

Good luck with your DC.

FWIW, have seen repeated familial angst and horror at names owned/booked/chosen in advance and the desire for a name that is unique and expresses an unknown personality. Can remember the olden days with many school mates having the same names and cousins too - several Marks, Daivds, Simons, James' and in a primary class only one or two that weren't duplicated and the same for Jayne/Jane, Julie, Sarah, Rachel . I know this relates to half-siblings but have seen the equivalent of 'Big Susie and Little Susie'. No teenager/adult I've ever met appear to care about the name chosen to express their uniqueness and personality except in relation to a passed relative and have now seen many teens change names. Only thing I do see is frustration at difficult to spell and pronounce names. And loathing of names like 'Joy' given to cynics. Good luck.

Absolutely this! Poor woman. I would be FURIOUS if I was her. What a dick your ex really is.

And George Foreman...

And pets names...

I think as adults you need to speak and resolve this. It’s odd to me that you’d want to potentially place your sons in awkward position for rest of their life - two half sisters both called ‘Katie’. It’s going to be cringe for rest of their life. Especially as ‘half’ is often not used these days so they have two sisters same name in conversation with school friends, colleagues etc.
I also think it’s odd you are wanting a name you would have used with first husband, it feels disrespectful to new husband.

I would be FURIOUS if my DH told me we couldnt use the name I loved because he thought his ex (who he agreed to use the name with so he likes then name) should have priority over OUR child.

It affects new wife much less as it’s not her child affected. So her ‘Katie’ just says I’ve got 2 half brothers called A and B. Your ‘Katie’ is same. But your 2 boys who are already having to adjust to divorce, 2 new marriages and 2 baby half siblings in a very short space of time if youngest is only 6 are being saddled with a lifetime of I’ve got 2 sisters same age, both born January called ‘Katie’. Good as a unique icebreaker perhaps and an easy shorthand way to explain they had a messed up childhood but embarrassing.

Its just a name. Your son will be fine. The girls will live seperate, different lives. Don’t worry, just get on with it. People really won’t say much about it for long.

Agree

The two babies will most likely never meet.

Exactly what harm do you think will come to the OP's sons if they have two half-sisters with the same first name?

Teasing or bullying at school? If they are all living locally and word goes around that both his sisters called Katie have started yr7.
As son gets older dating or working - people hearing he has two siblings exactly same age and name will assume his childhood was fucked up.

The OP's sons will grow up wondering why they had two such immature parents who were more concerned with point scoring than recognising the idiocy of landing them with two sisters both called Lily/Esmerelda/Bertha.