Half siblings with the same name

[Jasparconcorde]

Ex husband and I are both expecting new babies due within weeks of each other.
We have ds10 and ds6 together.
We are both having girls and he ‘informed’ me he will be using a name that he knows holds great sentimental meaning to me. It was our number 1 girl name if our sons had been girls, and has been very personal to me throughout my life. It took me aback and hurt me a lot he would use a name he knew full well I would be using for my daughter. When we found out we were expecting a girl, several weeks before he found out his babies gender, he said ‘I presume you’ll use the name X’? I said yes. His reason for wanting to use it is because his wife likes it and has no knowledge of it’s value to me, supposedly.
Now I know nobody owns a name and he’s entitled to name his child whatever he choses, but out of all the names he couldn’t just pick a similar/variant of the name? Use it as a middle name!?
Despite the upset, I’ve come here to ask how difficult this will be for my sons if they have siblings on both sides with the same names.
Im expecting it to be confusing with a lot of X at dads, X at home etc. Has this happened to anyone here who could advise further please? I won’t be budging on the name regardless. Their baby is likely to be born first therefore putting me in a position of seeming to ‘copy’ out of spite.
my husband has reassured me it’s fine and isn’t my problem, but I worry over my sons views on it and if I should speak to them before the babies are born.

But they aren’t cousins or random guests. You wouldn’t think it odd at all if groom introduced his sister Ethel and his sister Ethel. Especially if it’s not a common name and the girls are same age. You wouldn’t think groom’s parents were weird to have named both girls Ethel? I’d think it was odd and lots on here think same.

@Dixiechickonhols can’t say I’ve ever been to a wedding where the bride and groom have gone round introducing their family members to other guests. I’d imagine that both sisters would probably be socialising with entirely different groups of people at such events - my experience of family events with divorced parents is that they tactfully manage to be in different rooms at all times, and their children are likely to be similar, socialising with opposite sides of the family. If it did come up, then I imagine OP’s children will by then be very practised at explaining that the name
meant a lot to their Mum because blah blah and [insert explanation for dad and step
mum here] - hopefully they do have a good reason or they’re going to look a bit daft. OP, having a good reason for using the name, will not.

Different i know, but i know a family where husband and wife both have daughters from previous relationships, a few months between them in age, with the same name.

This couple have more kids together now. So there's two kids in the house with the same name. They just give them different nicknames. No one is confused.

That being said, if i were you, if i had my baby first i would use the name. If they use it first, i wouldn't then use it. Would use it as a middle name.

For those saying OP should suck it up and use a different name when she has explained there are really important reasons why she wants to use it are being ridiculous. If the event in OPs life was significant enough to reported in newspapers then I’d think she had been through something major indeed and has more than enough right to use her long wished for name. Maybe dickhead ex DH should suck it up instead as it really can’t be as important to him!
call your baby what you want. These two little girls will not be related at all. They won’t spend time together, they just share half brothers.

Amazing how often women are told to suck it up. To back down to the demands of men. To 'be the bigger person' and put their own wants and needs aside. It is infuriating when that attitude comes from men, it's incomprehensible when it comes from other women.
We don't have to put ourselves at the bottom of every pile, every list, everything.
It's ridiculous and it needs to stop.

Use the name. Don't interfere with what they call their baby.

No one in your family will actually care and your joint child will understand when they are older that it was a significant name to you

I can't believe some of the pant wetting that is going on in this thread about the effect on the OP's sons.

What effect? In what way are they going to be traumatised by this, really?

Most of the outlandish scenarios people are coming up with about when these girls might meet are when the boys will be adults (which in the case of the elder boy, is only 8 years away).

I can't believe people are telling the OP not to use the name she's had her heart set on for years and which her ex husband probably doesn't even want to use anyway on the grounds that it might be upsetting in some unspecified way for two preteen boys to explain that both their half sisters are called Gertrude.

They are far more likely to be affected by the fact that there will be a new baby in each of their two families at the same time so they won't be the centre of attention in either, and the fact that their dad appears to be a bit of a dickhead who wants to antagonise their mum. In the OP's shoes I'd worry less about the name and more about those things.

@babyjellyfish You sound like an idiot using the words pant wetting.

I do think think the boys Dad is an absolute twat for saying he is naming his Daughter the same name. I would ask him to reconsider because he knows the circumstances of why the name means so much. I would probably kick up a fuss to be honest and ask him if his Wife knows how important the name means to OP.

My child and there half siblings don't call each half siblings they say Brother/Sister. They spend a lot of time together especially since they have got older.

It really is a strange situation (brought on only by the Father).

Op, do you still speak to his family and are on good terms with any of them? Sorry if this has already been mentioned.

THEIR!

I do think think the boys Dad is an absolute twat for saying he is naming his Daughter the same name. I would ask him to reconsider because he knows the circumstances of why the name means so much. I would probably kick up a fuss to be honest and ask him if his Wife knows how important the name means to OP.

Erm, he's doing this BECAUSE he's twat, and BECAUSE he knows it will upset her because the name means so much to her.

Asking him to reconsider will just give him he satisfaction he's after.

She's better off just ignoring his childish behaviour and using the name she had planned for her own baby, regardless of what he chooses to do.

@babyjellyfish I'm not disagreeing with you on most things but I don't agree with the below comment. Especially will social media and the fact that the girls share the same Brothers they will know each other quite well.

Most of the outlandish scenarios people are coming up with about when these girls might meet are when the boys will be adults (which in the case of the elder boy, is only 8 years away).

Hopefully they will just laugh about how much of a twat the Dad is. I actually feel sorry for the Dad's new Daughter more than anyone.

pant wetting? for thinking the feelings of the children involved should take precedence over warring exes?

Utter fool.

Another one who thinks it's all about the adults. Kids can just suck it up presumably.

If you're unable to prioritise the feelings of children over issues with an ex then please, never become a parent.

Amazing how often people make things into a war of the sexes.... The question was if it will be awkward for the brothers of these 2 girls. Answer is it will be. OP said most likely the other baby will be born first and therefore named first.. Not every single argument is men v women 🙄🙄

Answer is it will be.

Why though?

I think a lot of people on this thread are projecting their own feelings on to two little boys who may not actually give a rats arse about having two half sisters with the same first name.

As I said before, there are a lot more things about this situation that I think actually could have an impact on the children concerned, namely the fact that both sets of parents will be having a newborn at the same time, which obviously can't be helped, and the fact that their dad is an antagonistic twat.

Half Sisters - which will still be their Sisters.

It doesn't matter how much you are convinced they won't be close, they probably will be.

Why would these two girls be close if their parents barely speak?

I'm talking about the future when they get to teenagers. Sharing the same Brother, social media, the fact they only live an hour apart means there is a good chance they will have something to do with each other.

The parents won't have anything to do with the children's relationships.

Everyone might grown up thinking it's hilarious that Boys Dad was that much of a twat to use the same name. His Daughter might also be pissed off to know she was only named that to get back at her Brother's Mum. It will annoying for everyone for people to comment how strange it is.

I would go down the route of trying to get the twat to change his mind.

My child's middle name is same as someone I was very close to who died young. It was never going to be his first name. Not that I think there is anything wrong with using someone's name as the first name.

Sorry, I don't get it.

If one of the OP's sons had two friends, both called Laura, one from school and one from Scouts, the two Lauras would be more likely to meet because they would actually be a similar age to the OP's son, e.g. more likely to attend their 18th birthday party, be in the same pub at the same time, or maybe the Laura from Scouts would move schools, or the Laura from school would join the Scouts.

These two girls will have no connection other than sharing two half brothers who are much older than them. They'll never attend the same school as their brothers, never be part of the same Scout group, never be allowed to go to the pub until the older brother is 28 and the younger brother is 24. Their social circles just won't overlap with those of their brothers due to the age gap, and won't overlap with each other's because they will live an hour away from each other and they have parents who don't particularly get on or want to spend time together.

I really don't see how this is much different to having two friends with the same first name who never meet, or cousins from opposite sides of the family with the same first name.

Nobody seems to be able to articulate what the actual issue is here, other than some people thinking it is weird that two people who used to be married to each other chose to use the same name for their baby daughters.

What would happen if neither the OP nor her ex husband had discussed names, or even revealed the sex of their unborn babies? What if the OP and her ex husband's wife both gave birth to daughters on the same day and chose the same name without discussing it with each other first? Would people be telling them to change the name? Would people be suggesting that they draw straws to decide who gets to "keep" the name? I seriously doubt it. But the outcome would be the same. Two girls who will rarely if ever come into contact with each other, both having the same first name.

Sorry, I don't get it.

that's been obvious since your first post.

Exactly.

Well yes. No one can explain what the actual issue is, other than, "it's just weird!"

So what?

Stranger things have happened.

As I keep saying, making sure that the OP's sons don't feel like they're the last priority when both their families have a newborn baby at the same time, and trying to maintain a cordial relationship with their twat of a dad are bigger issues.

Two girls who will rarely if ever come into contact with each other, both having the same first name.

They will come into contact because they have the same BROTHER.

They will most likely want to know each other. Have you never been a young sociable curious person?

You definitely do not get it.