Do remember neglect from your mother as a child?

[heartbroken22]

What was it?

I remember when I was in year 8 I had a really bad fever in bed and she just left me to go a wedding with my younger siblings. I honestly felt so sick and thought death was going to come, got up when I could and took some medicine. If I brought it up now she'd just find some shifty excuse to say ohh I didn't know how to be a mother then. What at 40 years old? It annoys me so much.

I'm so sorry this happened, Heart Broken. It is absolutely not ok to leave a Y8 child with a heavy fever alone. You say you thought you were dying and I can believe it. I remember delirious fever dreams as a child and how scary they were and how ill I felt. A child/YP is not equipped to deal with that alone.

The posters minimising what you have shared and competing to have had a worse experience are despicable. A PP actually said 'I'll raise you...'.

Sorry to everyone who have shared sad experiences. The shared determination to do better is heartening.

I'm so sorry this happened, Heart Broken. It is absolutely not ok to leave a Y8 child with a heavy fever alone.

Exactly Can't believe the amount of people on this thread saying it's normal. I wouldn't leave my perfectly healthy 8 yo home alone unless it was due to a very very serious emergency - let alone to attend a wedding

What a complete incompetent that “mother” was.
So sorry.

@garden12

OP was not 8. OP was YEAR 8.

Massive difference

Something I have never told anyone irl. When I was 9, my mother must have had some sort of breakdown. She kept me off school, held a knife to my throat and told me one of us has to die. I just held my breath, and I think I passed out. I can't remember. But from that day, I knew what I was to her.

Year 8 - the OP was circa 13 years old.

That's the only reason some people on the thread saying it was normal - many of us were left as a teenagers when poorly because parents had to go to work etc.

Understand not everyone feels the same, but that's why people are putting that view forward.

mine Was more emotionally abusive and seemed to take pleasure in causing me shame.

im the eldest -
i got my period for the first time, I didn’t tell her for 3 days because I knew she would not respect my privacy.
she found my stained underwear and brought them into the living room while me and my siblings and my dad and his friend were there. proceeded to hold out my underwear and declare that I am all grown up. (She had never once talked to me about periods I only knew bits from friends and sex Ed) going forward she bought sanitary towels wouldn’t let me use tampons. And kept the pads in her bedroom and I had to ask permission to get them- so she would know when my period started each month. She also phoned my grandparents to tell them I had my period.

there were so many little things that she did that felt quite cruel to me and might seem like I’ve overreacted to them, but they affected my trust in her and I don’t particularly like her.

there are loads and loads of other instances.
Im now a mother myself and I don’t want my mum around her

It's not ok to leave a heavily fevered child or young person alone, be they 8 or Y8.

Broken Hearted has written how they felt like they were dying. Whilst they were alone. Would you choose that for anyone?

Yes you’re absolutely right. I had a very dysfunctional childhood which still profoundly affects me. I can’t afford to pay for therapy and there’s nothing available on the NHS apart from CBT.

I had to do the same. When I got boobs, she paraded my bra in front of visitors, who all laughed along with her. I was 12! I can not understand how she could do that. Also a parent of teen girl now.

@RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway

It's not ok to leave a heavily fevered child or young person alone, be they 8 or Y8.

Broken Hearted has written how they felt like they were dying. Whilst they were alone. Would you choose that for anyone?

I pointed out the difference between the years to a different poster, that's all.

My parents were not generally neglectful, they were loving and kind but sometimes I do question things they did. I remember an occasion when I was around 13/14 years old and our kettle had broken and we were boiling water in a saucepan and I accidently tipped a saucepan of boiling water over my foot. I was in the St John's cadets and so fortunately ran it straight under tepid water. However, apart from getting a neighbour who was a Gp to have a cursory look at it about 2 days later, they didn't do much. They never took me to A & E or checked it. After a while it went totally green and clearly infected and they never even checked it or anything ! I find it really hard to understand how they didn't get me any medical treatment ? I was also exposed to lots of things at an early age that I shouldn't have been, so my mum was involved in all sorts of human and animal rights issues and I remember when I was about 11 being asked? made to write postcards to leaders of far away countries asking for political prisoners to be released, and being exposed to pictures of baby seal clubs being clubbed to death etc. I was too young and really think i became desensitized at an early age. i would never expose my kids to this stuff in fact I've probably gone the other way and sheltered them too much.

I remember when I was in year 8 I had a really bad fever in bed and she just left me to go a wedding with my younger siblings.

Seriously? I was left alone at that age when I was sick, my mother worked. It didn't upset me then, and it doesn't now. I wonder what your kids will be saying about you in future years?

I'm so sad reading the posts. I suffered physical abuse too but you just learned to live with it. It was horrible.

I may have been in year 8 or younger but it's interesting adults are saying they leave their kids alone at that age. I was a very poorly child I wouldn't leave my child alone at that age to go to someone's wedding. Whose important me or the wedding? I was riddled with fever...really bad flu...I couldn't get up (but had to to get some medicine). My love for my child would stop me going out (I'm not talking about missing a day of work). I'd be at home being there for her asking if she needed anything or making sure she was okay. If she had given me medicine and said I'll be back in a few hours but I'll make it quick it may have been different.

Hopefully they'll say I'm a good caring mother. Some people have different bonds with their parents.

@RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway thank you that's exactly how I feel. I would not leave a child with a bad fever who felt like she was dying alone to go to a wedding.

Allowed to post here but all you are doing is dismissing OP's experience and trauma because it was not bad enough in your opinion. A mother who leaves a very sick 12/13 year old to attend a wedding, is not going to be a caring one other times. It can't be that hard to understand.

I was regularly hit with implements by both my parents and locked in my bedroom. Mum was generally quite nasty and never showed any love for me in terms of cuddles, affection or actually saying she loved me. We never did many fun things and children should be seen and not heard was her stick phrase. Mum always got what she wanted and one of my earliest memories was being taken to have the family dog put to sleep because Mum was fed up with him. I didn’t really understand at the time but can remember the poor dog being handed over and Mum and Dad walking away with me. She admitted years later what had actually happened. I always felt unhappy and unwanted and the only times I felt safe and secure was when my beloved grandparents were around. I’d absolutely dread them leaving and feared anything happening to them. I used to ask other adults to adopt me and to this day am amazed no one ever thought there was anything wrong. Mum never recognised anything I’ve achieved in life and until she developed dementia was still
putting me down.

Op you know better than the strangers here if you were neglected by your mother 💐Some posters can be quite dismissive.

Yes . Hope you are ok xx

You are all through this thread correcting people from age 8 to Y8.

In the example I quoted your final sentence is 'Massive difference'.

You have multiple times argued that it was/is ok to leave a 12/13 year old alone when they are dealing with a severe fever.

Allowed to post here but all you are doing is dismissing OP's experience and trauma because it was not bad enough in your opinion.

I didn't think as isolated incident it was neglect, no. I did say that and I did post up the NSPCC site and a quote form it too.

I actually came to apologise to OP for how I was earlier as further reading had changed my mind a bit and OP has returned and added more to her thread.

I haven't mentioned my own situation for comparison, I'm not anywhere near ready to process that enough to write it out. I'm very sorry if I did upset OP though, it's a very emotive subject for us all and I got it wrong.

But op's mother went to a wedding, not work

@RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway

You are all through this thread correcting people from age 8 to Y8.

Twice, I did it twice. It was frustrating me that people were getting the detail wrong. So I said it twice.

You have multiple times argued that it was/is ok to leave a 12/13 year old alone when they are dealing with a severe fever.

I have never said this.

I'm sure if that was only incident it wouldn't be eating her up after all these years. My mum would repeatedly kick and punch me until she was physically exhausted by it, but she never left me alone when young and sick. Neglect and abuse isn't a race to the bottom. It's all shit and unexcusable. I have lost my shit on occassion and shouted at my kids. However that doesn't trump my mum kicking me on the floor when I was curled up in ball.

So my kids might tell their partner one day "mum went mental once and screamed at me". But telling my husband my mum punched me 20 times in the head isn't something we have as a shared experience.

Mitigation of abuse is why i first told some at 42 years old. Why I still left my kids before this point alone with my mum. It's normal. I deserved it.

Like when I first told someone "you must have deserved it" so I wanted to kick my 4 year old in head it would be fine if she deserved it. It's so fucked up I can't articulate it. I know I could make my kids life a living hell. I had the best training. I could mentally torture them, it's all there, stored up in my memory. All at my disposal.