Do remember neglect from your mother as a child?

[heartbroken22]

What was it?

I remember when I was in year 8 I had a really bad fever in bed and she just left me to go a wedding with my younger siblings. I honestly felt so sick and thought death was going to come, got up when I could and took some medicine. If I brought it up now she'd just find some shifty excuse to say ohh I didn't know how to be a mother then. What at 40 years old? It annoys me so much.

Posted too soon! I remember an incident that happened before I was placed into foster care and subsequently adopted so I must have been 3. I remember being behind a stair gate in another room with nothing on but pants or a nappy(?) And my sister maybe 5ish rummaging around in the kitchen cupboards looking for something for us to eat or cook us dinner. I remember she found a tin or pot of something and her pouring it into a bowl cold and her spooning it into my mouth through the gate. There was a cat in the room too but no grown ups in the house. It's very fuzzy but I have the memory of her doing it. Not sure how long we were alone for but I remember from reading my records we were left alone at that age for substantial amounts of time while my mother went out on jollys with men and nights out.

My heart breaks for all of you as children. How can this happen to children. I am so sorry. They were so cruel to you. So sorry.

Omg that is awful, so sorry for you to have to go through that.

God, having now read the whole thread I send hugs chocolates and flowers to all those who had childhoods from hell.

The fact that we all survived to tell the tale is testament to our strength despite our appalling parents.

My brother and I had to travel across Germany by train on our own when I was 9 years old and my brother was 5. I should add that we are German. My mother claims to not know anything about it whereas my brother and I remember that trip very well.

I'm so sorry to all those posters who have suffered neglect on this thread.

But I'll add my voice to those who also think leaving a 13 year old child home alone poorly is actually pretty standard. My dd in fact a few weeks ago. She just slept. There's no way I would take 3 days off work to sit on the sofa whilst she slept. She could call me if she woke up and needed me.

After my parents divorced I thought things were really gonna get better. My dad beat my mom constantly and it was horrible. But instead my mom couldn't cope so she clung on to the first guy who paid her any attention. When she realized he and I didn't see eye to eye she just... Gave me the keys to the apartment and left.

She would drop by every two weeks to give me money for food and to do her laundry. The worst part about it was she turned off the cable and internet so I was not only lonely but bored. I was 14. It was like that till I graduated high school. I was so depressed. I felt worthless you know. My entire life growing up my dad was always telling me I was worthless and stupid. But my mom kept telling me that wasn't true. But when she just gave up on me like that. I didn't know what else to believe.

I really truly felt like something must be really really wrong with me for my parents to not love me. I got bullied at school. Teachers acted like I was an inconvenience. I started to think everyone would just be happier if I was gone. If I hadn't met my future husband that year. I don't want to think about what I would have done.

My mother was the "good" parent and I thought she would always be there for me. So it really broke me when she left me like that. It still hurts to think about it years later.

Maybe I’m a “smotherer” I couldn’t even imagine leaving my kids alone in year 8, what if something happened. I’d never forgive myself. I’m sorry you experienced that Op, I did suffer abuse too. I don’t think about it anymore, I made a promise to myself that I’d be the best mum I could ever be. I won’t repeat this with my children, it keeps me sane

Not terrible abuse like others on the thread ( for you all) and she was kind. She just has mental health problems and her and my dad abused alcohol on and off.

All I will say is WHY is it always the people who struggle with hoarding and cleaning that decide to get a load of animals?! If you know, you know!

I got the swine flu and my Temperature got up to 106F (41.1c) so I called my mom and she told me to just take a Tylenol. I realized at that exact moment that I didn't matter to her so I didn't take the Tylenol. I was hoping the flu would kill me. Sadly it didn't. But I did vomit and have hallucinations for 2 weeks straight.

This sounds a bit rose tinted glasses, to be honest. What classifies as a “bad fever”? Did you take your own temperature, did it not reduce after medication? In year 8 you’re about what, 13yrs old? In that situation as a mother I’d possibly use my own judgement and leave a slightly ill 13yr old in bed after administering pain relief etc. Was the wedding local-ish? I’d not be inclined to not show up on the day of someone’s wedding unless it were a true emergency.

I work in the nhs. I remember once discussing with some ward nurses how I truly felt like I had been so, so ill once when I had the flu… it was a shock to my system, as a perfectly healthy person, to feel so ill. To medics, I was fine. Nothing a day in bed & paracetamol wouldn’t resolve.

I was 8 and we lived above a shop. I was so very ill in bed. After about two or three days , a doctor came. I was diagnosed with measles, mumps , bronchitis and tonsillitis.

Doctor wanted me to go to hospital. Dad thought it was rubbish and I'd get over it. My mum reluctantly agreed.

My mum had to carry on working in the shop downstairs. My dad continued to spend his spare time plus working time , in the pub. My mum was scared of him.

Happy days.

I remember having so many nits that when my hair was shaken so many fell out.

Yes, we were beaten, given the silent treatment. Her friend was allowed to conduct an affair at our house while we were in aka shagging in my mums bedroom
alcohol issues , left in poverty so she could buy cigarettes and alcohol.
I actually can’t believe it when it’s all written down.

My mum used to send me to “chaperone” my older sister and her bf on overnight & weekend trips. I was 14.
One Monday, I woke up terribly sick with the stomach flu, but Mum was a stickler for school & made me get up & get ready.
It wasn’t until I threw up on myself that she decided I was sick enough to stay home.
I guess that’s more abusive than neglectful.
That day stands out, but my childhood of having to prove that I wasn’t lying was hard to get over.
I was terrified of telling the truth and being punished anyway.

For what it’s worth I also wouldn’t leave a Year 8 child who felt that poorly, (especially not for a social event).

memories- less so of younger years, where I don’t recall much at all but largely remember feeling secure

later years- loads, linked to single mum with manic depression. Being told to say she was in the bath if anyone called when we were frequently home alone all night. No food in ever. Eating a frozen pizza and my brother flying off the handle as it was the only thing in the house and he’d planned to eat it too. Phoning the old directory services and when they said “what name please” just asking to speak to my mummy.

lots of fleas in the house never dealt with- have seen photos of myself since with bites all over my lower legs and ankles.

had no bed for a long period of time. Just a makeshift one on the floor.

never went to dr or dentist. Signing my own school planner every week in my mum’s name. Very much latch key kids walking into a dark empty house every night after school.

Once let the ddog take the blame for p-ing on the carpet. My bedroom was via the front room - dm had 2 men round and was 'busy'.. I was too scared to get up for the loo so went on my carpet.

Can't imagine what you've all been through. So heartbreaking. So sorry to you all.

As a mum myself to two young children it makes me feel even more sad. I beat myself up when I've been a bit grumpy to my 3 year old.

Children are an absolute blessing. Some people just shouldn't have children. 😢

I am so sorry to hear your story. That is so sad.

I hope , truly, that you have now got some peace in your life.

Allergic reaction to seafood in a restaurant, migraine and red face, left me in car whilst they finished meal, I was delirious.

Things are much better now. I have a living spouse and a sweet daughter and I thank the heavens everyday for them. It's all I really wanted was a happy family. I don't care about money, success or status. I just want to be surrounded by people that I love and love me. I guess if anything my mom abandoning me like that really taught me what was important in life. I will never take my family for granted. That is certain.

I'd just like to give 💐to all of you lovely people who have shared here.

All these stories are so sad. I feel for you all.

My mum was never neglectful I don't think, but she was damaging in other ways, emotionally.

She openly admitted I was a 'mistake' and unwanted (there's 10 years between me and my brother).

Consequently she never really made effort with me or had time for me, I remember going to school without my teeth or hair brushing a lot and often without lunch if I didn't make it myself (primary school).

Me and my brother washed our own clothes from a young age and were expected to be independent which I don't think necessarily to be a bad thing.

She never told me she loved me or tucked me in bed at night.

She would often get drunk, argumentative towards me, my brother and dad and occasionally when being really dramatic she'd sit sobbing in the kitchen with the first aid box at the side of her and then next morning pretend nothing had happened. I kept out of the way most of the time during my teenage years as I became the target of an argument after she'd had a few drinks.

As I got older and began to stick up for myself, she didn't like it and I remember one day I must have been 17/18 and I was going out drinking with friends and brought my mate home for us to get ready in my room, as I walked through the door my mum looked panicked...when I got up to my room she had emptied the soiled cat litter tray into my bed...because she'd asked me change it before I went out and I had forgotten. My friend was mortified that my mum had done this and I think it was the first time anyone had seen her true colours.

She never believed in me or supported me and in many ways seemed jealous of me. Particularly as I got older and got my own life. To this day she causes trouble between me and my brother, telling lies to play the victim and try play us off against each other.

The only time she was a nice person was at Xmas, she genuinely seemed happier. So that was always my fav time of year.

I now have a daughter of my own and it's one of my biggest fears is not being a good enough mother, because I never really felt like my mum loved me or wanted me so I worry that the strained relationship I have with my mum will influence how I parent.

@Redead 💐🙏

Abuse for sure, neglect I don't know. Does waiting in the car with crisps and pop count whilst they are at the pub, or throwing up in the back of the car due to so much fag smoke? Getting served the same food for days cos you didn't eat it first time, nose rubbed in wet knickers or pooed ones age around 3 if you had an accident. Slapped told she wished she has an abortion,..... I could go on