Do remember neglect from your mother as a child?

[heartbroken22]

What was it?

I remember when I was in year 8 I had a really bad fever in bed and she just left me to go a wedding with my younger siblings. I honestly felt so sick and thought death was going to come, got up when I could and took some medicine. If I brought it up now she'd just find some shifty excuse to say ohh I didn't know how to be a mother then. What at 40 years old? It annoys me so much.

My parents had 3 kids and a table with four chairs. As the eldest I had to sit on the sloping arm of an armchair for 15 years to eat at the table. I now walk with a sloping arse 😂.

Why they never bought an extra chair I'll never know!

I'm very grateful to know I was never neglected or treated badly by my parents.
Parenting was done differently back in the mists of time, but I always knew I was loved and treated fairly.

I would like to know how to get all this therapy that is supposedly there for traumatised people? There is none unless you are rich.

Yep when someone attempted to stab me as an teen mothers reaction upon being told was "Oh dear" and just carried on watching tv.

Not neglect but tonnes of abuse. If there was any neglect it would be drowned out by the physical and mental abuse.

I should have been in care. If she was ever found out but back then, I thought it was normal. I only realised it wasn't normal when I had my first child.

Yes I agree with this. One incident that was fairly normal back then isn’t neglect. Not very nice but not neglect. If it was part of ongoing regular behaviour though then it is.

Yes I remember neglect and abuse as the main theme of my childhood.

I wouldn’t leave my year 8 home alone feeling that poorly.

Yep. Never enough food in the fridge, photos of me show greasy hair and tatty clothes. She seemed to take pride in her ’rustic’ parenting style but it was horrible. She insisted on cramming us (family of 6) into tiny, run down, old 2 bed houses which she would partially ‘renovate’ before moving to the next so we lived in a freezing building site a lot of the time. We had loads of money, it was bizarre. Never had anything new - it took me ages to develop my own sense of style as an adult as I was never allowed to choose any of my own clothes, was just given hand me downs and things from charity shops. I just remember always being hungry and feeling like I had to be ‘grateful’ for everything.

Lots of neglect, I was dirty, had infected feet that swelled up because she couldn't be bothered to give me plasters. She hated touching me and I don't remember her ever giving me any kind of first aid. Had to go to hospital for a hernia operation when I was about 5, (I don't actually know how old I was as I can't ask) just left there on my own and wet myself on the ward later because too scared to ask where the toilets were. Remember being put in the hall on my own when vomiting and just lying on the cold hard floor by myself for hours.
One thing I always remember, it was just so cruel, it was summer and a bee had stung me, it had put it's little stinger in my hand, I went and told her and she looked at me like I was something she had trod in and called me a liar. Evil cow.

I am surprised by posters saying they too would leave a sick young child alone for hours. I wouldn’t. In fact, where I live it is illegal.

If you are not prepared to care for your children when they are still co you are a very bad parent, and not much of a human.

Yes, my mum was a terrible mother looking back. She subjected us to physical and emotional abuse, would ignore me for days on end, would lock me and my sister out of the house for the whole day (I was only 6), would make me call her mummy when I was 10, would make us go and eat outside if we were too noisy eating (apparently we were animals and should eat outside with them), would give our animals away as punishment, didn’t provide me sanitary items then demanded I bought her my soiled knickers. I remember I used to physically cry at the idea of her dying though, it was my greatest fear as a child - something to do with attachment I guess and the fact she was so unavailable to me I was worried about her leaving me. I think sometimes you don’t see these things for what they are until you are older and have kids yourself. She was mentally ill I think, which I understand. What I don’t understand is why she didn’t care enough to address it to make sure she could be a half decent mum

Erm, posters leaving an 8 year old alone. I’m sorry but that’s not ok. I’m sorry for the people on this thread that had neglectful parents. Things were different in the past and like a previous poster I look back at things my mum encouraged that now seem shocking. She had me young and we ‘ grew up together’ which led to some things that were less then ideal. She was a barmaid and I spent a lot of evening sat at the bar. She also took me to parties and nightclubs from being 13 which led me to have some experiences that now I’d rather not have had. She’s still quite feckless. I’m on the other hand am a very protective mother and she says I keep my children too young.

I'm pretty sure the OP said year 8 which is age 12 or 13 not 8 years old

This is so sad. Do you know what sort of upbringing your mother had? Did she have addiction and other mental health problems? Such callous treatment of her precious daughter. I’m so sorry that was your experience.

Both my parents were emotionally neglectful/abusive and I honestly don't know why they bothered to have children. My Mum was totally apathetic and I remember being a similar age and being left home alone, as I was off school with a stomach bug. No idea where my Mum had gone, but I was laid on the sofa in the living room. The window cleaner appeared and I was terrified that he would see me and come and get me.

Loads more incidents that I could list. I don't have children myself but, now that I am older, I find it totally inconceivable that anyone could treat young children in the way that my parents behaved. I have been no contact with them for five years now.

Yes, abuse and neglect, mainly 10+. Never taken to dentist, broke my finger and was swollen like an egg, made me carry her shopping bags around, whimpering in pain and wouldn’t take me to hospital, brother used to attack me and she let him, he broke my elbow by hitting it with one of those heavy golf clubs and wouldn’t take me for an x ray, I was 14 and had to take myself on the bus which only came every 2 hrs and took over an hr, arm was black and blue and swollen to double its size and didn’t give a shit. Would make dinner for younger sibling and wouldn’t let me have any but equally wasn’t allowed to make myself anything (I ended up sneaking snacks).

the physical and emotional abuse sticks with me more, she’d wish me dead often and pray for me to get cancer, lock me outside of the house naked because I used the wrong towel after a shower, fly at me kicking and screaming in fits of rage because I’d misbehaved 5 years prior.

it’s pretty much all I remember

Year 8, so 12/13 not a small child. Not ideal but nothing like leaving an 8 year old

Used to get dragged out of my bedroom and down the stairs crying, literally dragged, while she would yell and spit on me, and scream abuse at me in the living room while stepdad just sat there. I wished I'd pushed her down the stairs now.

God these stories 😢

My dad was an alcoholic who was emotionally unavailable and disinterested but I didn’t feel malice from him if that makes sense, more neglect. Whereas with mum it all felt malicious, like she enjoyed seeing my reactions or seeing me upset/demoralised. I think that’s why I have a harder time forgiving her.

Like others, both parents were abusive.

Alcoholic, self-absorbed Dad who absented himself with alcohol and affairs.

Psychopathic Mother who delighted in delivering mystery at every opportunity. It's easier to list:

• kicking me, dragging me by my hair, forcing me to eat foods which made me sick, never taking me to the doctors and playing Russian roulette with my asthma, leaving me home alone while ill from the age of 6, leaving my to babysit much younger siblings over night when I was 8, fucking off abroad with the pompous alcoholic for four nights and leaving me and my three young siblings home alone.

When that soulless bitch dies, I will be so relieved.

My DSDs DM and DG both didn't believe the eldest was being sexually abused by her step dad even though she told them. She was 5 when it started. Her sister at 16 blew the whistle when he tried to rape her. Denial all round - in fact they said they didn't like to think. I nearly exploded.

And what's outrageous is you hear this a lot....

Misery - mystery would have been ok

Winnicot theorised that there is such thing as “the good enough mother”, basically if a mother is a good mother for at least approx 40% of the time the kid should end up okay..if not, they usually have attachment issues and/or mental illness.

I'm really sorry you had that experience, neglect and abuse. It stays with you. X