Do remember neglect from your mother as a child?

[heartbroken22]

What was it?

I remember when I was in year 8 I had a really bad fever in bed and she just left me to go a wedding with my younger siblings. I honestly felt so sick and thought death was going to come, got up when I could and took some medicine. If I brought it up now she'd just find some shifty excuse to say ohh I didn't know how to be a mother then. What at 40 years old? It annoys me so much.

@TheFTrain @WiddlinDiddlin
Yes, this is what gets me too. There were so many adults around (teachers, neighbours, older relatives, friend’s parents) but nobody ever asked if I was okay, or said ‘how are things at home’, despite my behaviour CLEARLY showing things weren’t okay.

Although my mother’s neglect and abuse has caused long lasting damage to my life I feel like I’ve processed it, and I know my parenting has been a million times better, but I do still feel hurt and confused by the complete lack of interest or intervention from all those adults who must have least once or twice thought something’s not right here.

My Mum also wasn’t equipped to be a parent and it must have been obvious to people around that I was a deeply unhappy child. I feel incredibly sad that no one said anything and even when my Mum phoned social services about me they never even came and investigated.

I feel a lot of anger about being failed.

Not just over the obvious neglect but also I am autistic and I spent so much of my high school years avoiding school, running away, in trouble. I was desperately unhappy and didn't understand myself. I realise the awareness of autism wasn't around then but nobody stopped to ask why I behaved as I did. The people who should have been protecting me let me down. The people who should have safeguarded me gave my into trouble.

I put this anger in a sealed box in my head but it escapes occasionally.

It was not just learning about it, it was being exposed to accounts of human torture and animal torture and graphic images.

@WhatNoRaisins What you're describing is absolutely not neglect.

@Devilledmeg You've added a bit of false narrative and minimised what OP said. Flu is different from a cold and a sore throat.

There are times when people need to get a grip but there are also times when other people need to say nothing if all they're going to do is minimise other people's account of things and how it made THEM feel.

Honestly, some of these comments are shameful. A bit of empathy can be the difference between someone being able to reconcile things and move on rather than not being able to get over something and suffer poor mental health as a result.

There's also so much context being ignored:
-leaving a teen to go to work can be different from going to a wedding (weddings usually go on until the late evening/last many hours)
-I'd happily leave a child alone at 12/13 IF they're happy to left alone.
-Flu can be different for everyone. If it's severe, it would be torturous to be left alone as a child until the late evening.

There are many more factors to point out but some people seem to lack emotional intelligence and it's a shame because some simple empathy and compassion would do society a lot of good.

I was always called attention seeking. Well I was because I was ignored. I was being abused by my brother physically and sexually. They seemed so uninterested in me that I didn’t tell them as I didn’t think that they’d care. I wet the bed until I was 8 (due to the abuse) and it was never investigated.

I don’t recall being hugged at all as a child, and whilst this was not active abuse, it damaged my attachment and self worth terribly. I don’t feel that I am anything except a nuisance.

@Wisterical @TheFTrain @AgitatedGoose

Strangely (or not, I dunno) there were a couple of people who really went out of their way for me and in hindsight, I could have told them more - but both of those people had SO much more on their plates (severely disabled children/partner) it felt wrong to add to their load, particularly when I couldn't see how much more they could do. Obviously now I know there probably was more, but you don't know that as a kid.

I have let them know how much I appreciated their help as a bolt hole, models for more healthy family dynamics and more - they have expressed sadness that I didn't let on the full picture.

The anger does escape sometimes - those in far better a position to help who in hindsight quite clearly could not be arsed, stuck their heads in the sand and told themselves it wasn't their problem.

I'd love to have it out with them now, but they're either dead or very old and unwell, it would just make me the bastard!

My mom was a drinker,6 days a week,for some reason she didn't drink on a Sunday (not religious or anything).Sundays were the best day of the week for us.There was just my mom and 2 sisters at home,mom hardly worked so most of the money must have gone on alcohol.I used to dread coming home from school as she would start drinking around 1pm so she was in full swing by 3.30pm.I never knew what kind of mood she would be in,she was either a happy drunk or a sad drunk.I never wanted to bring friends home with me for that reason,we had food,clothing and the basics to survive and she was physically with us,but not emotionally.I felt so unimportant and insignificant.I used to dream of being part of a normal loving family and was so envious of my friends who were.We didn't have birthday parties and Christmases were very basic,my sister and I won tickets to a theme park once and she sold them and kept the money.
I got a Saturday job at the age of 13 and she would make me meet her after work at the shops and hand my £10 wages over that I had worked all day for (early 1990s).She was a Betterware agent at one point but I was always made to go and collect brochures and orders and walk the streets delivering peoples orders,I remember on my 13th Birthday having to go out to do collection and delivery of orders and crying thinking "some birthday this is".I just wanted to feel special on my birthday and feel like I mattered.Throughout my late teens until now I have gone from one disastrous relationship to another and now I realise all I have ever been searching for is love and to feel like I really matter to someone.It didn't hit me until my early 40s how my childhood has affected me and shaped me.

I crave love well I did in the past and find I can’t trust people a lot. I have a select few folks that are pals but very few.

I did feel ALL the adults knew and did feck all knowing what she did I blame them too to a certain degree. social works said it was chastisement, like hell it was now a days I’d of been removed and her jailed for she did. In fact I would of been removed and not my brothers in this day and age sadly even with sexual abuse on going only I would of been removed. I’ve seen it happen.

I also remember lashing out at her as a teen but I got a beating of my life by both my step father and her no police involved I was bruised badly for weeks and again it was classed as chastisement by the teacher then.

I went from relationship to relationship craving what I thought was love but it wasn’t it was approval and now I don’t need it.

trust is my biggest problem as I get older I don’t suffer fools anymore, I see through folks that take the piss and I cut them off. The older I get I don’t like being touched either unless I say so and I shudder if someone tries to hug me.

im sorry you went through that all and hope you’ve found some peace with it.

I’ve found peace but only when I turned 40 did I actually find it after a very nasty argument with my partner at the time. It was my eekk moment.

I should be a basket case I was told like hell am I, I’m a survivor.