Do remember neglect from your mother as a child?

[heartbroken22]

What was it?

I remember when I was in year 8 I had a really bad fever in bed and she just left me to go a wedding with my younger siblings. I honestly felt so sick and thought death was going to come, got up when I could and took some medicine. If I brought it up now she'd just find some shifty excuse to say ohh I didn't know how to be a mother then. What at 40 years old? It annoys me so much.

It’s interesting as I know my mum loved me so much, but she was very young, a drug addict and unable to cope with life let alone me. So although I don’t like to think of myself as having had a neglectful childhood, the fact is when I look a bit deeper it truly was. Not deliberately, or viciously but non the less I dealt with shit from a young age that I shouldn’t have. We have a good relationship now (possibly a bit mutually dependant) but I look at the lovely childhood my daughter has and feel so sad for my younger self.

When I’m not sure how best to deal with something for my son, I think “what would my mum do?”

And then I do the opposite.

An 8 year old is too young to be left alone & if you do this regularly I'd say what you should do is report yourself to your local social care service. At 8 years old a child isn't actually old enough to care for themselves. What do you mean by 'tip of the iceberg '?!

Also I am sorry you went through what you did as a child, but judging another person because you don't think what they went through constitutes trauma or abuse just shows a lack of knowledge of the human condition & a startling lack of empathy.

When I was about 15 I had ear pain and it was incredibly painful. I kept asking my mum to take me the doctor, but she thought I was making it up to get out sports week.

One night I lay awake all night crying and she heard me and came in and told me off for being dramatic. As if I would keep myself awake for hours making fake crying noises to keep up the act.

The next day I refused to go to school and got myself a doctor's appointment, she was livid. She reluctantly drove me the doctors and was desperate to ask me what my 'diagnosis' was, I was delighted to show her my prescription for antibiotics as I had very severe ear infection and the doctor was shocked by how bad it was.

@Strangeways19

YEAR 8, Not 8 years old.

YEAR 8. YEAR 8.

For the love of god. Not an 8 year old.

What 8 year old are you talking about?

I do this too. I'm sorry you had a shit parent

This might be the only incident, or one of many. It might be the worst, or just the one OP is fixated on.

I have many examples of emotional and physical abuse and neglect(some i still have scars now 30 years on)but one of the ones that bug me the most is getting the most stupid hat and scarf as my only Christmas present. I have no idea why.

Yes.

Being left to scream myself to sleep, standing in my cot desperate for someone to come, even if it meant they yelled at me or smacked me.

Left in the backs of cars to sleep, left home alone (with my younger sister) from the age of 6 upwards with next door listening through an intercom. Whilst it was a semi and they were the other side of a wall, it was also a 3storey victorian job, 5 beds and a cellar so much scope for a kid to be way out of range of the intercom.

Left in a rented home at just turned 16, mother was sectioned following a suicide attempt - her then boyfriend called an ambulance, she was packed into it.. and he fucked off home (which was 200 miles away) and left me there.

Six weeks. I lived on the £20 a week I got for minding a dog each day, and what was in the cupboards (I assume rent and bills were on direct debits) but the owners then went on holiday for a month and took the dog so that ended after week two..

A friends parent sussed something wasn't right but clearly didn't want to get that involved, she dropped off a bag of shopping once, which was kind of her.

I was still working at a local youth club, running the tuck bar so I started nicking a couple of quid out of the till and going to the chip shop so I could have a hot meal.

I did tell my Dad (also 200 miles away) but I dunno if he didn't grasp the severity of the situation or just couldn't handle it, or possibly I played it down as he didn't do anything for another four weeks, when he eventually came to get me.

I don't know why, to this day, I didn't actually tell someone, I had people I could have told - friends of family, youth club leaders, there definitely were options. I think I had already learned at that point that what would likely result is everyone being very concerned and upset... but no actual action. I was also terrified of the local kids home where another friend ended up at a similar age so that might be why.

OP I'll take your left home ill in year 8 and raise you left home alone with measles aged 4.

Then I could list all the physical and emotional neglect, but that would be a very long post.

But the takeaway highlight of my mother's neglect would be letting a convicted murderer with two convictions for raping children move in with her and her 6 year old daughter.

Yes, a lot of emotional neglect and abuse from a bipolar 1 mother who was unmedicated much of the time. I lived with her on my own twice when she became psychotic and was sectioned (my dad disappeared when I was about 8 yrs old). In my mid teens she would become physically violent towards me when she became manic. I can't even begin to tell you about what I went through with her but it was so bad I ended up trying to take my own life in my late teens. When she died, some years later, it was the biggest relief. I didn't go to her funeral and, even though I was asked to put a headstone on her grave by extended family, I didn't.

If somehow she miraculously came back to life I would kill her before she came within 100 miles of my children.

I had psychotherapy for the first time at the beginning of this year and it was only then I realised the extent of what I'd been through. My ACE score (if you know what that is) is 6. I now realised I suffered from C-PTSD for a lot of my 20's. Truly, if she has somehow managed to get to heaven then send me to hell because I know what I'm dealing with there.

@ldontWanna

This might be the only incident, or one of many. It might be the worst, or just the one OP is fixated on.

I formed my opinion based on what OP said.

That's not at all abnormal for a chat forum.

Not neglect as such like some of the examples here but some really shitty parenting.

Like how she tried to bribe me with gifts to make manipulative phone calls to her ex-boyfriend, presumably to try and make him feel guilty about chucking her.

Or how she used to knowingly keep me up all night having noisy sex with the next boyfriend (I was about 9 or 10 at this point)

And the time she left me completely alone in the middle of the night in a hotel room in Austria so she could go off and shag the coach driver (I had just turned 12)

Bit of a pattern with her behaviour.

My Ace score is 9. The only thing my parents didn't do was use drugs or alcohol.

Honestly, I think you’ve set the bar really low as to what’s neglect and what isn’t. I have grandchildren who are 8 years old and leaving them at home alone on inset day would be neglect.

I was brought up by a single mum way back in the late 60’s and life was hard. So hard at times that I don’t want to share my personal experiences. But as a result of my upbringing I have to say being on your own at 8 even for a day is neglect.

How awful. This really made me well up and fortunately is something that I've not experienced.

As a mother of two tiny children I can't imagine hating touching them. I want to breathe them in.

Sorry you went through all this (and sorry to all the other posters too...this one just really stuck out)

How did / do you cope with this?

I just want to say how sorry I am for what everybody has been through on this thread. Truly, it's so bloody awful. Some people should not be allowed to have children.

That was viewed as pretty normal when I was 8, in the 80s. Pretty sure she did that too. But my parents worked irregular hours so one of them was usually kicking about.

This is such a heartbreakingly sad thread and I'm just so sorry that so many have experienced such neglect, cruelty and hurt, so many at such young ages. :(

NC for this but I remember a particular incident from

You haven't read it right the OP and the person you replied to said she was in year 8. As in year 8 the school year not 8 years old. So around 12/13. Obviously an 8 year old is too young but year 8? Unless they have a disability we can't be there to wipe they're a**e for them when they go off to uni in 5-6 years.

Most childcare goes up to 12/13. So should really be left for a short time to prepare them for having that independence. That is completely acceptable.

Oh. Year 8. Ok, well that's jus totally random.

My "mum" used to leave myself and my three sisters alone for hours on end, we were all under the age of 6, the youngest one being a baby. The neighbours knew but nobody helped us. She used to go and meet the man she was having an affair with I later learnt. We were always dirty , no clothes and I remember in winter being so happy I'd found my first holy communion sandals in a shoe box at the back of the cupboard, I walked around in the winter with these sandals on but thought it was great because I had no other pair of shoes. The list is endless.