Do remember neglect from your mother as a child?

[heartbroken22]

What was it?

I remember when I was in year 8 I had a really bad fever in bed and she just left me to go a wedding with my younger siblings. I honestly felt so sick and thought death was going to come, got up when I could and took some medicine. If I brought it up now she'd just find some shifty excuse to say ohh I didn't know how to be a mother then. What at 40 years old? It annoys me so much.

It's a year 8 child. Not a 8 year old child. People are confusing the two in some cases.

I am so sorry for you and everyone on this thread , how a mother can be so cruel is beyond me .
Looking back i don't think i had the most 'adoring' mother as a child , i have certainly done things differently with my kids ,but some of the experiences on here are heartbreaking .
I hope life is treating you better now.

It's not great or even ok parenting either is it?

And OP did say there were more incidents, just that this particular one sticks in her mind/cemented the thought that her mum didn't care.

It's not great or even ok parenting either is it?

Of course it isn't. I never said otherwise.

I am fully annoyed that this thread is looking for people to share their experiences of being abused as children off the back of a parent leaving their teen at home whilst they went to a wedding though.

Then leave the thread @Harrysnippleno3 You have the choice not to read it.

I wasn't neglected but I would say at times my parents were neglectful. I look back sometimes and wonder why they ever had children!

My mother hit me a lot, mostly hard slaps across my head. Once when I was about nine she was in such a rage that her aim was poor and she hit my face so it was really red and swollen and I said I’m going to show my friend you did this, then she started punching me hard in the side, laughing saying well this will hurt and no one will be able to see the marks on your kidneys.

She died last year, and although I’d been NC for thirty odd years the relief of knowing that she no longer exists in the world gives me such overwhelming relief that it can bring tears to my eyes. And sometimes I just smile knowing that all that’s left of her is ashes.

No, but I remember indifference. Not the same, but hurtful nonetheless. I am very much NOT the golden child , which has become clearer as the years have passed.

Well, my parents made some shitty decisions you which some may consider neglectful. Yes, I do remember them, in an WTAF kind of a way, which tells me they were isolated incidents. DH has pointed out things that my DM did as being neglectful for example when I've gone to the other extreme with DD, and tried explain to DH explain why I'm over doing it.

My DM probably would have gone to the wedding when I was that age and I wouldn't have been bothered. But the point is the OP wanted her Mum, and she wasn't there. I'm this case the OPs mum misjudged the situation.

I did say I opened it thinking it would resonate, it didn't. I'm allowed to be here and post though.

"Whatever. It still sounds traumatic to her.

No one gets to say what is or isn't a trauma to another person."

I agree. I have a daughter in year 8 and would never do this to her.

I vividly remember my mom squaring up to me when I was about 13, because I'd given her 'attitude'

Many many times. I vomited on the landing age 7, on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. My mum shouted at me and made me clean it up. 50 years later and I have had emetiphobia all my life. Again aged 7 I mislaid my leotard for my ballet class, my mum subjected me to a 30 minute beating and kicking. Age 12 I slipped on the snow and broke my arm - both bones completely in half. She got a cold compress, wrapped it round my wrist and squeezed so hard that I passed out. Have probably got at least another 100 stories. She fucked up my life.

Yes. I don't know how I wasn't taken away from her

So much so both myself and my sibling have both ended up with a severe mental illness, I tried my best to look after my sibling, so on some level I feel guilty that I couldn't shield them more, but I was a child myself. Even family didn't realise how bad it was, both of us will be in and out of therapy our whole lives I expect.
This is a mild incident but it sticks in my head for some reason , I was constantly late for school because I frequently had to wake her out her drug/alcohol fueled sleep to drive me to school where I was bullied but a relief not to be with her, no adult ever asked why I was late, but punished me for it instead and never addressed the frequent distress I was in.

It was so bad, that I actually loved. Being left at home alone. I was often just left on the garden with the dogs. I must have been around 4

Yes but I didn’t realise how bad it was until I was much older

I often believe it would have been kinder if they had put me up for adoption.

One thing being a parent has taught me is that parents are humans too and make mistakes, misjudge situations, have their own damage and private lives that effect how they can cope etc. Nobody is infallible. My mother was awful, just dreadful, her mother was too. By her 3rd and 4th child she was a better parent. I wouldn't bring it up with her now, I don't dwell on it, what's the point? I don't think anyone sets out to be a bad parent. I don't think that was her intention when she had kids.

What you are talking about if it is one incident in isolation seems like a mild misjudgement, she didn't realise you were as ill as you were or perhaps she thought you were better able to cope with being ill than you were. I think it is harsh to call it neglect to be honest. I've seen all kinds of things held against parents on mumsnet though, like their parents had the audacity to have sex once that wasn't completely silent and they have 'trauma' that they have carried into adulthood from it so I know that my view would be in the minority on here.

Yes many times in many ways. I find it difficult to say I care about her now, even after all these years.
I'm not sure she meant to do it, she had a hard life.

So you were 12/13? It's not that young and pretty normal back then.

I broke my leg when I got knocked down by a car at 11 coming up 12. I left hospital on the Monday teatime and spent the rest of week recuperating while my mum went to work. Though NDN was popping in to check on me and lent me they're old potty so I didn't have to get up and down the stairs. Think she might have done me some dinner a couple of times but apart from that I was on my own.

What I remember the most is my mum lashing out at me because I didn't want to go to the shop when I had not long been home from hospital. I had only been given the crutches shortly before leaving hospital. So was still getting used to using them. It would have ment me having to cross quite a busy main road which I didn't want to do as that was how I broke my leg anyway. She just didn't get why I didn't want to go.

I was back at school the Monday after on crutches. Alone again as non of my friends walked my route up a steep hill. Could usually walk it in 5-10 minuites. But on crutches it took about 20.

My mum never wanted kids. She only had me because my dad wanted kids. When he left she clocked out completely. From age 8 I raised myself. Moved out at 15.

Agree with this. Perhaps holding things against your mum is your way of dealing with difficult things in your life now but not liking something from your perspective at year 8 doesn’t mean it would be considered neglect.

Not really physical neglect but definitely emotional neglect. She never worked a full time job in her life, but always made out as if it wasn’t her fault we where poor (there was nothing stopping her working) despite this she kept having children (with different men) she had zero ambition for any of her children to do well at school or go to university. She actually told me to get pregnant at a young age so I would get a council house and benefits. She made out as if everything and everyone was against her.

I came to realise that my mum is a very toxic person.

I was a 60s child and My parents were definitely not perfect…my mum had a few too many Gand Ts and didn’t pick me up…think she did eventually but am guessing she was driven by her friend.
My Dad was a very difficult man and ignored us as teenagers but the plus side was that we had a lot of freedom and fun !
Myself and siblings actually have happy memories of our feral upbringing and we have all done really well in life !!
It was a different more simple world than it is now..not worth comparing or beefing about.

Yes. A lot. I don't think you ever really recover and it's affected my life very badly.