Do remember neglect from your mother as a child?

[heartbroken22]

What was it?

I remember when I was in year 8 I had a really bad fever in bed and she just left me to go a wedding with my younger siblings. I honestly felt so sick and thought death was going to come, got up when I could and took some medicine. If I brought it up now she'd just find some shifty excuse to say ohh I didn't know how to be a mother then. What at 40 years old? It annoys me so much.

I think I will just be really angry when she dies. I don't know. Like she got away with it. There's never been any consequences for her and so many for me. She has three other children with stepdad, even has grandchildren now. I have two sons she has never met and she had made it clear she couldn't care less.

Never had any wellies and remember having cold wet feet stood at the bus stop every day for school
.
My dc always have a few pairs each

.

@ALPHAquest Thank you 🙂

I've read this theory, I agree to some extent as long as the other 60% aren't filled with out and out abuse/neglect.
No one is perfect but some of the examples above are extremely distressing/damaging and pure cruelty

freepsychotherapynetwork.com/

Check out your local Mind, it's either free or low cost.

*wet feet during autumn /winter /spring. I used to run away from school because every single time I went there on rainy day and spent 8-9hrs with completely wet shoes - I got cystitis (which was not treated, so I was struggling with infections, BV, etc)
*no food in fridge (I was 6 years old and remember how hungry I was)
*no dentist (my mother COULD easily afford it)
*I have terrible cystic acne since 14 years old, she never took me to dermatologist. I used to moisture my face with her hand cream.

This! Honestly, I would better work 24/7 but would never let my child go to school wet, cold or hungry. In worst case scenario - I would go to clothes bank, ask for friends, etc. I will never understand how you can sleep knowing your child is going to school tomorrow wet.

@Moranguinho Thanks, my local Mind doesn't offer therapy, just a Befriending service.

I don't think your experience is neglect OP if it was a one off - year 8 is quite old and it's normal to leave a kid of that age to care for themselves unless very very sick.

I know when my mum was five she was left by her neglectful parents to have countless asthma attacks - she nearly died on many occasions, and as a result the doctors identified she had an enlarged heart in adulthood as a result of "unmanaged asthma" I think that kind of parental treatment is abuse/neglect, the health effects still impact her now.

And the link doesn't cover my area, I knew it wouldn't before I even checked. I've been trying to get help for the past 25 years and there is none.

I agree with this

Gosh. This is heartbreaking. I'm so, so sorry.

Yes I would wake in the early hours with asthma attack, parents would tell me to go back to sleep. In desperation, not being able to breathe, I worked the nebuliser myself aged 8 and continued to do afterwards instead of waking them up.(Wouldn't have needed nebuliser if they'd actually given me my meds as prescribed). Only realised as an adult how dangerous that was/getting doses incorrect etc.

Yes ongoing mild neglect (barely any clothes, no sanitary products, inadequate packed lunches, low grade stress all the time) but nothing like some of these mothers who had no business having children at all. Well done all of you for realising how wrong it was and not repeating the cycle.

That's awful. I would never do that to my children.

They're talking about a 13 year old, not a young child.
Definitely in the 80s and 90s you could leave a teenager alone.
Even now, I have friends who leave their 11 and 12 year olds alone for a limited amount of time and I see no problem with that as an 80s child.

My sister and I were so malnourished that she (younger than me) got rickets - and acid burns from soaked nappies.
She gave us dummies with syrup on instead of food.
I have a burn scar on my neck from "an ember jumping out of the fire".
She went out overnight and left us alone at less than 3 years old (18 months apart).
We were removed, but my sister was kept by her, my paternal grandparents got me, even though it was my father who "won" custody. He didn't want me either, so I did not see him often.

When I visited, they put Dr Who on the TV, and I was petrified of the Daleks, so maybe the attic was preferable - certainly better than the cellar.

I remember most of it, she and my father were very neglectful, but your post reminds me about one time that left 7 year old me so confused and scared.

I felt really ill after school one day; sick, shivery and achey. It was my mum's 'bingo night' which meant she'd give us a sandwich for dinner, get ready and go to play Bingo until very late in the evening, leaving my dad playing on his playstation while we did whatever.

I laid on the sofa feeling awful, until I projectile vomited off the side of the sofa all over the living room floor. He heard me retch, saw the sick and didn't look up from his game. I asked for help, he rolled his eyes. I eventually just went to sleep covered in my own vomit, and the vomit splattered all over the floor.

My mum came home at midnight and asked what had happened, my dad said "she was sick" and pointed at me. She called me a dirty little bastard and dragged me to bed still covered in sick.

I think it might have been the first time that I properly realised that I'm on my own, no matter WHAT happens - if I'm I'll, scared or in danger, no matter what. Up till that point I think I thought they'd pull through for me if I really needed it.

Try that link I sent.

Some really sad stories here. My Mum was a good one in many ways but she was clearly overwhelmed and struggled looking after me and my siblings (one had special needs) and I have a lot of memories where Mum was "having a nap". She would go off for a sleep quite a lot in the afternoon, or would be asleep on the sofa while I played. I think she just needed the time to escape reality or something, I don't know. But I grew up to be pretty self sufficient and someone who doesn't really like to "make a fuss", I think because I knew on some level how much she had on her plate.

She wasn't 8 years old, she was a teenager. She was in year 8.

No...none at all

Whatever. It still sounds traumatic to her.

No one gets to say what is or isn't a trauma to another person.

I was low level abused and neglected.
My mother wouldn’t buy sanitary protection, I generally went without a lunch at school, my clothes were always grubby and tatty. Having very few clothes seemed to be a badge of honour to them. I had a teacher laugh at me once because I was such a scruff, I wanted to cry.
I never got any pocket money, I swear this was a form of control. I also wasn’t allowed a part time job.
my sister wasn’t treated the same as me either. I was the ‘naughty one’, I wasn’t, but I was blamed for everything.
mum denies now that she ever laid a finger on me (she threw a book at my head once) and my dad would be quick with back handers.
my Dad was a bit of a tyrant, and mum would always back him up, and then slag him off behind his back to us. She was convinced he was abusing me, but didn’t leave him or do anything at all about it.

some things I can’t remember, it’s like my brain has blacked it all out.
Both my parents were very deprived in different ways growing up.
Both my sister and I have had problems since with self harm.

Whatever. It still sounds traumatic to her.

No one gets to say what is or isn't a trauma to another person.

It's not neglect to leave an unwell teenager at home, which is what OP was suggesting. Nobody mentioned trauma, however the experiences of those of us did suffer actual neglect almost certainly struggle with trauma.