Has anyone tried the "£5 in a card" thing for DC's birthday party?

[astronewt]

8th birthday party approaches for DC, and I was thinking about messaging the attendees to suggest that, instead of presents, they could do £5 or an Amazon voucher or whatever in a card. I normally spend about £10-12 on a present for a party we're invited to, which seems to be about what other attendees spend too, so to my mind it would have the triple benefit of easing financial challenges on attendees, preventing piles of cheap tat, and allowing DC to choose one larger toy they like. Rest assured I will also make it clear that any gift at all is 100% optional.

I'm sure MN will have Opinions on the matter, though, so hit me up. Have you tried it? Would you try it? Did you just mentally cross me off your Christmas card list and clutch the pearls?

Our friends do it for their kids and always mention what the child plans to buy (skateboard this year) and that indeed it is optional. Totally saves me a job shopping so I love those invites.

Quite a few parents text me, when they RSVP'd, to ask what my son would like. I suppose, if that happens to you, you could at that point say 'a voucher would be lovely' or something. I would say it was about 50/50 cash and gifts at my sons party.

I would find that rude. In my opinion birthday child should graciously accept what they’re given unless parent of invitee specifically asks if there’s something little Johnny/Jane would particularly like.

I on one hand can see the benefit, but I don’t think you can ask them for five pounds each. It just feels off, like you’re charging for entry or being grabby. I’d give you it, but I’d kind think you needed money and so were trying to get some this way. Gifts are a lot more fun for a kid than hand fulls of cash

your post on you’d make it clear on numerous things is just too much. It really is.

I agree with this. I would never tell them how much to put in a card though. Just say cash or amazon voucher always appreciated if asked.

So you can make it clear by saying please don't feel you need to bring a gift on the invite (bit frillier sounding than that obvs!).

If you start suggesting actual values if they do want to give something it would imply to some people that you do indeed expect something.

People will of course say "no it doesnt because I wouldn't think that", but to some it absolutely would.

Someone's cousins childs bday I went to, they said along the lines or no presents, just you company but if you want to, there will be his money box by the door and you contribute towards a new game he wants.

This way no money was expected the in card, people could put in nothing or any amount they wanted without anyone knowing. Thought it was a great idea.

I'd be fine with that request - makes life easier for me! Most of my friends would also be fine with it.

That's a brilliant suggestion.

Ironically, the only reason I mentioned £5 at all was because I remembered hearing about £5 (or possibly 5EUR?) being a Thing on here months ago. I wouldn't care if it was less and neither would DC - having even 50p they control is still an intoxicating luxury for them.

The problem with children that age is that some of them (looking at you dd 👀) are mercenary!

I think that dd would be offended by no present from Bri but would then favour John as he gave her the coolest toy ever if you get me?

Even where you give parents the option to contribute/give a gift/give money/just show up, you're going to be stressing the parents in some way, as of course they don't want their child to be the only child who didn't buy a gift/give money.

I think an anonymous donation to their savings for a skateboard or whatever is absolutely fine. The problems would occur if birthday girl/boy opens cards at the party, and some have money and some don't. I have tried to rear my dd to be less mercenary and I hope that I have succeeded, but children are like that! When they're used to a lot, or they're used to certain customs, they become very aware of money (or that could be just mine lol).

@astronewt

Please follow your instinct. You are completely right. We don't need tat because is the done thing or the "child likes to open presents". It goes to landfill. It is passed to other people, which imo is horrible. It's a waste. Children need to be taught about carbon emissions and not to accumulate / give stuff they don't need.
I do love invites with the "No need for gifts for if you would like to give x a girlt, 5euro is more than enough. It shows consideration for parents, environment and a change in the mindset.

An outright ban on any gift is another way, but then they don't get to open their presents and if you're the only parent who put a ban in place, your child is going to feel like nobody loves them or that you're evil.

Parenting is a minefield.

really? no £5 note in ATM? in London, every ATM will have sent out a £5 note, plus, u can ask for £5 in a bank.

I find this thread such an interesting and frustrating read. I have three kids. We are drowning in stuff. I swear that they more they/we have, the less well they play. I’ve been to more than one (Reception) party where the birthday kid excitedly rips open the packaging of the gender-stereotype dinosaur truck / doll (meaning that it can’t be regifted anyway), and a minute later hares off onto the next thing. Understandably, because they are five. Repeat x30. Then it’s the end of the party and inevitably there are party bags, and again usually it’s a single-use plastic thing, or four; again played with for a minute and then discarded or broken. I’m far from an environmentalist but it is so fucked up.

I do have a present drawer, and I use more headspace than I’m comfortable admitting keeping an eye on sales and offers - I really do my best to match the present to the child. But in a party for a child who yours can barely pick out of the proverbial lineup, who knows whether what I’ve taken the time over is tat too? In my book Lego is never tat - but presumably for someone out there it is. I get drawing and craft type thing, Galt science sets when they are on offer… but I can imagine another parent going through the same machinations and giving my daughter a (to me) random doll or cooking thing she has no interest in. Because they, understandably, don’t know her.

Love the idea of a coin in a card, “carta” message, group present.

I think it's bad mannered.

really? no £5 note in ATM? in London, every ATM will have sent out a £5 note, plus, u can ask for £5 in a bank.

Not where I am there isn't. £10 minimum. And there's no way I would go into town, pay for a bus fare or to park, to then draw £5 out of the bank 😂

My youngest DD’s year do this at school - it’s been brilliant.

She’s at a small fee paying girls school and up until 11yrs old was very common to do whole class parties.

she’d end up with 20 or so presents around the £30-50 mark and it was becoming absurd especially in the last couple of years when they’d end up with at least 10 tote bags filled with teddies/bath stuff/notepads etc.

one mum bracelet broached the subject on the class WhatsApp group and a collective sigh of relief was breathed.

the only issue is that as time progresses there are also a lot of £10/20 going in the cards and I try to keep track on a like for like basis.

The problems would occur if birthday girl/boy opens cards at the party, and some have money and some don't. I have tried to rear my dd to be less mercenary and I hope that I have succeeded, but children are like that!

Thats why round here the kids give cards and the parents stick a coin in a piggy bank. No-one, adult or child, knows if Mary’s Mum put nothing in the bank or £10, not even Mary.

That piggy bank idea is great!

I am in disbelief at the number of children that open presents at parties and also judge based on what was given. I feel it is the absolute height of rudeness to open presents in front of everyone.

When DC last opened cards, they did acknowledge that Johnny gave a £5 note/Abbie gave £10 at the time of opening at home but it was all forgotten by the next morning and the only number on their mind was the total sum that was going towards their much wanted bike. I also don't care much for who brings what and how much and make a point of thanking everyone, not just those who gave gifts.

When they received presents (before I had the courage to ask parents not to bring gifts), they also did not remember the next morning who had given what. Not only that, most of the presents remained untouched and were eventually donated.

Completely agree with the PP who said the more their children have, the worse they play and behave. This is our experience too

I think this is a great idea. Anything to put a atop to the endless plastic tat kids are bombarded with! At least they can buy what they want if they have the money. I'd say do it, great

Meant to finish that post with 'break the mould', not 'great '. Why does this site constantly bounce around so that you click post when you want to just continue typing? Most annoying.

I've started giving a pound for how many years old they are in a card, hoping it would catch on.

It hasn't.

I genuinely don’t understand the issue a simple message saying ‘honestly no need for a gift but if you really want to maximum £5 in a card is more than generous’. If you think it’s rude bring nothing, if you don’t slap a couple pounds in a card. Sorted.

I would even argue it’s even more rude to regift tat or grab random gift from your bulk gift cupboard. The world doesn’t need anymore plastic tat.