Has anyone tried the "£5 in a card" thing for DC's birthday party?

[astronewt]

8th birthday party approaches for DC, and I was thinking about messaging the attendees to suggest that, instead of presents, they could do £5 or an Amazon voucher or whatever in a card. I normally spend about £10-12 on a present for a party we're invited to, which seems to be about what other attendees spend too, so to my mind it would have the triple benefit of easing financial challenges on attendees, preventing piles of cheap tat, and allowing DC to choose one larger toy they like. Rest assured I will also make it clear that any gift at all is 100% optional.

I'm sure MN will have Opinions on the matter, though, so hit me up. Have you tried it? Would you try it? Did you just mentally cross me off your Christmas card list and clutch the pearls?

Maybe phrase it as “maximum £5 in a card” as you don’t want people having to spend money? That was it doesn’t look like you are insisting they do it but they will see it as a better option then tat?

This is one of Mumsnet weirdnesses, see also weddings.

Meanwhile in the real world, noone cares. It's fine.

We always did it. Parties, marriage, no gifts needed. My kids weren't disappointed. They already had gifts from family. My oldest is 16 now. We weren't the only people to do it. But it definitely needs to be more of a thing rather than the mass consumerism that happens today. I only went to a couple of birthday parties as a kid and only had one party myself as a kid. So the huge gift thing wasn't a problem. But with every kid in the class having a party every year or two, the party tat thing is booming business. Horribly wastful.

I absolutely despise the trend of giving for the sake of giving. The environmental impact is immense. Like you OP, we prefer absolutely nothing to a £10 toy we then need to find a home for (and usually is barely touched).

When sending invites, I put something along the lines of 'DC has everything they need so presents are not necessary, they just want Jonny to come and play with them at their party. If you really would like to give something, DC would love a contribution to their new bike'

If no-one initiates the conversation, the tradition of gifting mindless tat for the sake of it continues. After DC's party, many parents have put similar on their invites and it is an absolute dream for me to put cash in a card.

@prescribingmum I agree with you - think of the extra tat going into the landfill (wrapping, plastic ties, box and they toy itself) - compared to £5 or whatever that the child can use to put towards something they actually want (or save it, as my DC like to do).

I think it's one of these things that should be OK but somehow doesn't feel right. Just like I feel obliged to give my friend one new book costing £10, rather than 10 second hand paperbacks from a charity shop costing £10, which would actually be a better present

@MegGriffinshat I'm so sorry some people are so nasty.
I would want you to know that the most important thing is for your child to come to the party and not to bring a thing. In our eyes, their presence is far more important than any gift

I think this is perfect, it covers all bases ie gift, money or no gift at all!

I wouldn't mind if someone asked me to do this. But in my experience the children do like a pile of presents to open after a party. I would always ask the mum what they like (and they ask me) so we rarely end up with unwanted presents.

I completely agree with the landfill/waste argument, but not sure my dc do!

It is absolutely a thing where my kids have grown up. Mum (usually) would say something like 'no presents needed, but if you want to, a fiver in a card would be lovely'. There wouldn't be a problem if someone (generously) brought a gift from their gift stash though, it was just to make things easier, affordable and also result in the birthday child having something they could use to buy something they wanted.

We also did that when birthdays were shared between 2, 3 or 4 unrelated kids and then divvy them up (class of around 26, so cards would be split between the kids) - ended up so that the child had a modest but nice amount of money and so it wouldn't cost the guests' parents a fortune. For shared birthdays, close friends of the birthday child would usually get something extra for their special buddies.

I disagree, I don't have a pile of presents for party's, I buy as we need to, we end up spending £10-15 as you can't get much for less and then you have a card and wrapping paper too so you are talking £15 min. Someone did £5 in a card and it was great, no need to faff buying a present and it was cheaper. The only people who grumble about this are the cf who regift things that were meant for their own children or send shit presents (under a fiver you may as well not bother). I'd welcome fiver in a card!

The obligation thing is all on you though isn’t it? If you haven’t got any money to spare then just give a gift. The OP literally said in her opening post that she would make it clear that gifts would be fine too. So all of you with this mythical ‘present drawers’ can still reach in and just grab one 🤷‍♀️ It’s just giving options to the lazy parents like me to head off to the cash machine and know that my donation is going towards something the kid really wants.

I know what you mean here and I am not sure how to address the second hand part. I have had a couple of invites where a parent specifically requested second hand or recycled gifts but I also wouldn't give one unless it was clear that the recipient does not mind.

It does make a lot more sense to either get the book second hand or in our case, to have gifted a lot of really nice toys that I otherwise would have sold. I hope it gradually becomes accepted

I always have £5 in a card. It's enough to be used but not too much and I can afford it. I can't afford to be spending £10/20 on a present especially when I know the child has plenty of toys etc. People tend to give presents they've recieved as doubles or been picked up in a sale so the present looks like it costs a lot but actually didn't cost them anywhere near it so it can appear to make everyone else look cheap.

Request no presents if you'd prefer because a few of those parents will be happy at not having to faff about finding one.

No. Requesting gifts in an invitation is rude.

Who turns up at a kids party empty handed, that's the height of rudeness. I don't think it's rude to ask, we have so many toys in our house piles and piles and one of my children has a bday a few days after Xmas, it ends up we can't move for stuff. I really would like to do this for my daughters bday this year but I know at aged 6 she'll love the girly shit presents that will be bought for her, so piles of even more stuff it is.

I wouldn't like to be proscribed to. If I wanted to be told what to give I would message and ask.

Sometimes I put money in a card, sometimes I get a small gift, sometimes I know the child and choose something for them. What I spend really varies because in my view the cost doesn't matter.

Playing Devil's advocate here, but I genuinely think off loading/regifting stuff that you/your child doesn't want is ruder.

I would be happy with this. I have been doing this for birthday parties this year as any present you buy is unlikely to be anything the child wants unless you know them really well and I would have to spend more than £5 to get a decent present. I do a card with £5 in and some sweets or chocolate.

No. Its the requesting gifts in an inviation that I think is rude.

How would you even know someone had done that to make a decision about whether they were rude or not? Bizarre.

Agree with first couple of posts, if you don't want a bunch of tat then say no gifts and your presence is enough. You will then get a mixture of nothing, a gift or voucher/cash.

Telling people to give you cash instead is vulgar, there is no way to nicely ask without it being grabby, simply because it is. We have lost all concept of what gifts are about.

It's not bizarre, it's just how I feel 🙂

why on earth would people not bring gifts/money to a party?
isn't it so rude??? so cheeky??
how many % of people will do that??

So the £5 you would be demanding would be an additional cost

Demanding?