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Original poster

Childminder called my son a monster

472 replies

rzk · 10/11/2022 22:25

My two year old son goes to a childminder. He's a sweet boy, but he has been misbehaving lately. Basically, he pulls other children's hair when he wants a toy. Whenever he does that to his little sister (8 months) we tell him off sternly.
A lot of the times we prevent it from happening because we see he's about to do it and we pull him away.

I know his behaviour is totally unacceptable and I fully support the childminder discipling him ( within reason)

I'm just so upset at the language they used at pickup "He's been an absolute monster today. We can't go on like this. A little girl screamed when she walked in and saw him. We can't have children coming in being scared. Something has to give. We have to start being much more stern with him".

I'm quite upset. I know my son isn't a saint, but he's also not a monster. I also don't understand why they are confronting me as if I can do anything about it. When he's at the childminder I am working, that's why I use childcare. I have no influence on what he is doing there.

I am not sure why I am posting this. I think partly I am upset and partly I am wondering if anyone has any advice on how to teach him to stop pulling hair?

OP posts:
OpheliaPlum · 10/11/2022 22:27

I know finding childcare is very hard but I’d be looking for a different childminder.

User135792468 · 10/11/2022 22:28

I would find someone else tbh. It sounds like she’s about to give you notice anyway as her other customers would leave. If my child was scared of another to the point they screamed when they saw them, I would withdraw my child if they didn’t give notice to the other parent.

CloudybutMild · 10/11/2022 22:28

Saying he’s been a monster sounds about right though.

Suggesting that you have no responsibility for his behaviour rather tells a story though, and maybe explains the issue.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2 year olds Behaviour & development Childcare & nursery Families
Original poster
rzk · 10/11/2022 22:30

CloudybutMild · 10/11/2022 22:28

Saying he’s been a monster sounds about right though.

Suggesting that you have no responsibility for his behaviour rather tells a story though, and maybe explains the issue.

I am not sure how I am responsible for his behaviour? At home we stop him from doing it and tell him off. We never pull his hair or use any form of violence. Whilst he is at the childminder, I can't stop him from acting badly, as I am not there.

OP posts:
DaftyLass · 10/11/2022 22:30

How are you addressing the behaviour at home?
What have you found that works?

Original poster
rzk · 10/11/2022 22:32

DaftyLass · 10/11/2022 22:30

How are you addressing the behaviour at home?
What have you found that works?

We pull him away and we tell him off for what he is doing. Do you have any suggestions on how to tackle this behaviour?

OP posts:
ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 10/11/2022 22:33

I'd be more upset that other children are scared of him than I would be at the childminder's choice of words. Did you ask what she's doing to go to crack down on his behaviour? It will work better if you both do the same thing at home and at the childminders.

Whatsinanamereally82 · 10/11/2022 22:33

Calling your child a monster is completely unprofessional. I would be livid and looking for another childminder. She could have said there have been some issues and it is upsetting the other children or something similar. Yes, his behaviour is problematic on occasion. That is not unusual for small children.

Consistent boundaries and discipline are the way forward. If he hurts another child he should be told that behaviour is not nice and the other child made a fuss of and given the toy. If she no longer wishes to look after him then fine, honestly I wouldn't want my child going to a minder who called a child a monster.

Bananarama21 · 10/11/2022 22:34

You might be paying for childcare but so are other parents and they don't expect their children to be attacked. He isn't being a sweet boy. I'd look at nursery instead with more staff.

GemmaFoster · 10/11/2022 22:34

He’s 2, it’s completely normal. I’m sorry but my children are older now so I’ve lost touch with childcare costs. But would it work out to look at a nursery place, instead of child minder ? Good luck. X

Cynderella · 10/11/2022 22:35

I'd be more concerned about his behaviour - children grow out of this behaviour, but it's obviously an issue if you are looking for childcare.

I would be less concerned about the language, but perhaps because I would call my kids little demons, minxes, rugrats etc ... it was the way people talked in the olden days. We didn't mean it. Now, you have to be more careful, but maybe the childminder is from a different background? If she is kind, fair and in control, I would overlook the language she used talking to me. That said, you're paying for a service, so if you're not happy, you should look elsewhere.

LightDrizzle · 10/11/2022 22:36

It’s an awful word but I do think there is a big difference between saying he is an absolute monster and saying he’s been an absolute monster today 💐

arethereanyleftatall · 10/11/2022 22:39

If my child has made another child frightened to the point that they were frightened at the sight of him, my first thoughts wouldn't be concern about the words the CM used to describe my son. It would be concern for the other child. I think it does speak volumes.

Rayn22 · 10/11/2022 22:40

Are you sure she didn't say he has been a little monster.
You need to be working with the childminder about how to tackle this issue as it is not acceptable! A lot of two year olds pull hair and smack but parents and childcare provision need to be working together.
Pulling him away isn't the answer! He needs distraction and rewards for when he listens

Dartmoorcheffy · 10/11/2022 22:42

At least she didn't say he'd been a naughty little shit.... now that would be unprofessional

Zampa · 10/11/2022 22:44

My daughter was also difficult and bit a few times at nursery. They were excellent and helped her learn to manage get behaviour. Absolutely not judgement at all.

I would take my child away from the childminder in these circumstances and put them in a more mixed and experienced setting.

JennyJungle · 10/11/2022 22:44

He’s your son, of course you are responsible for his behaviour.

You are lucky she never called him a naughty little shit. Monster was being polite.

Id find somewhere else, sounds like you are about to be given notice.

Ineverwannabelikeyou · 10/11/2022 22:44

I would have no concern over that. She doesn't mean it like an actual monster lije he's done something horrific. She probably means he's been naughty / difficult. I would be more concerned my child was scaring others to that degree. You also need to keep in mind the childminder won't be able to "pull him away" like you do because there won't be just two children there.

How do you teach him not to do these things? Because if you just pull him away with no natural consequences or explanations he will obviously keep doing it.

CloudybutMild · 10/11/2022 22:45

LightDrizzle · 10/11/2022 22:36

It’s an awful word but I do think there is a big difference between saying he is an absolute monster and saying he’s been an absolute monster today 💐

Absolutely there is. It’s the same as saying that what someone said is racist and saying that they are racist.

It sounds like a pretty fair description of the behaviour, and is not labeling the child as a whole.

GrazingSheep · 10/11/2022 22:46

I think it might be better for him to be cared for at home maybe. Would that be a possibility?

YellowTreeHouse · 10/11/2022 22:48

She didn’t call him a monster. She said he’s been a monster today. There’s a huge difference there and it’s a really important one.

You should never call someone lazy/naughty/grumpy etc but you can say they are being or have been lazy/naughty/grumpy.

You are addressing a behaviour, not a personality trait. It’s a very important difference.

starsinthegutter · 10/11/2022 22:48

He's only 2, the best way to handle it is to prevent the behaviour and redirect it, he's too little to understand properly, he's running on impulses at that age.

Not ok for the childminder to call him names.

badassbaby · 10/11/2022 22:49

rzk · 10/11/2022 22:25

My two year old son goes to a childminder. He's a sweet boy, but he has been misbehaving lately. Basically, he pulls other children's hair when he wants a toy. Whenever he does that to his little sister (8 months) we tell him off sternly.
A lot of the times we prevent it from happening because we see he's about to do it and we pull him away.

I know his behaviour is totally unacceptable and I fully support the childminder discipling him ( within reason)

I'm just so upset at the language they used at pickup "He's been an absolute monster today. We can't go on like this. A little girl screamed when she walked in and saw him. We can't have children coming in being scared. Something has to give. We have to start being much more stern with him".

I'm quite upset. I know my son isn't a saint, but he's also not a monster. I also don't understand why they are confronting me as if I can do anything about it. When he's at the childminder I am working, that's why I use childcare. I have no influence on what he is doing there.

I am not sure why I am posting this. I think partly I am upset and partly I am wondering if anyone has any advice on how to teach him to stop pulling hair?

As a childminder I wouldn't call a misbehaving child a monster.
But it sounds like your cm is at the end of her tether.
Another child screaming when she sees him is a massive red flag, a huge part of our job is making sure ALL children in our care are safe and kept from harm.
I suspect you will be given notice soon.

QuebecBagnet · 10/11/2022 22:49

rzk · 10/11/2022 22:30

I am not sure how I am responsible for his behaviour? At home we stop him from doing it and tell him off. We never pull his hair or use any form of violence. Whilst he is at the childminder, I can't stop him from acting badly, as I am not there.

Show quote history

But it’s not just about stopping him and telling him off. Are you also at times when he hasn’t been naughty and everything is calm talking to him about being gentle and kind to others……like a lot, constantly reinforcing that behaviour?

while I do agree that this age is hard I think if the CM is raising this as an issue you need to listen, she will have seen it all before and ime a CM is not bothered by normal toddler behaviour.

could you do star charts for good behaviour at the CM?

Ineverwannabelikeyou · 10/11/2022 22:54

starsinthegutter · 10/11/2022 22:48

He's only 2, the best way to handle it is to prevent the behaviour and redirect it, he's too little to understand properly, he's running on impulses at that age.

Not ok for the childminder to call him names.

She didn't call him names.