I need to leave my wife of 30 yrs

[Jack1964]

Hi all,
I was oN here a couple of years back,
I left my wife for about a month and I was so happy.
she begged and pleaded with me to come back, which I eventually did.
I’ve tried to make the marriage work but I just don’t love her anymore.
how do I tell her I’m leaving for the second time?

you are mixing me up with somebody else!

As you mentioned you had written about the same subject 2 years before, I thought I would look up because you indicated it, to see if more light could thrown on the subject to help you. I only did this as you referred to it. There you say you had put cameras to watch her.

I would just add as a sidenote, just make sure she isn't actually suicidal, that's not to be taken lightly at all.

I really agree
its no joke at this point with this many years under their belts.

wanting to be alone? I get
needing it? I get

OP, you seriously need to think about the long time game before making your final decision

no more Christmas or birthday or weekends or down time etc if you truly want to spend all alone then, ok - just make sure you really want to be alone in your old age before busting it all open

I wouldn’t let you back in once out

Before anyone jumps on me, I’m in a very long term relationship with our own grown DC

I’m only offering advice

I am in my unfinished home and even though I hardly have furniture and some of the rooms are still in need of finishing, I feel so at peace with myself,
it’s so nice to go out excercising without worrying if you’ve been out to long.
im in heaven

Thats one of the things when someone has an affair and rips your heart out.

That indescribable pain of loving them and hating them at the same time.

You sound at peace.

Sounds like you are experiencing some relief from a stressful situation. I would encourage you to get yourself some good quality therapeutic support in recognition that it is a huge lifecycle milestone to move on from a 30 yr marriage. Whilst it is often the way that we look at the faults of others in truth in a couple dynamic, we each contribute to the continuation of unhealthy patterns. As you have been vulnerable to returning before you might benefit from independent help, to support you in your thinking going forward.

Sounds like a huge weight has gone from your shoulders. Hope she finally accepts that it’s over and you are now like a bird set free, happy to lead your own life.

So happy for you op.just make sure you can do it this time. Your life has been as one,intergrated.shared. For so long.and the hurt you have felt is very real.but especially now it’s on the surface.
as you start to heal though it could get harder in some ways. Leaving has been so hard for you in the first place. The need to go back to that familiar might grow a try one again.
it coukd of course finally free you.
but don’t cause yourself more pain by getting uncertain.
starting anew will be tough after so long.but you can do this.
it sounds like your feeling really good.you’ve found your way.
good luck

Well done, Jack.

Please stay strong if and when she tries to pressurise you into going back.

The rest of your life starts here!

@Jack1964

So glad you're 'out'. Lean into that peace as you move forward. It will give you the strength and calm for your next step.

Not sure if this is a permanent move or if you will end up buying elsewhere. But if it is a long term or permanent move remember that 'strong fences make good neighbours'.

Well done

Good for you Jack