I need to leave my wife of 30 yrs

[Jack1964]

Hi all,
I was oN here a couple of years back,
I left my wife for about a month and I was so happy.
she begged and pleaded with me to come back, which I eventually did.
I’ve tried to make the marriage work but I just don’t love her anymore.
how do I tell her I’m leaving for the second time?

Someone has mentioned an emotional affair not being grounds for divorce. Legislation now means there are only no fault divorces. You don’t need a grounds for divorce you just need to get divorced

I think I’m around your age group and I’m struggling to think of an emotional connection with someone who would want to see photos of my naked self! heck I struggle with the visual myself compared to how I think I look…

if you want to leave your wife you don’t need this forum to give validation to so do.

what have you done to remove yourself from your shared accomodation since writing this thread?

Your wife didn’t go, it was platonic, she stayed with you. You had put hidden devices to check up on her.

No that's absolutely a big deal. I mean obviously, come on. A couple of us thought you might have been on about a buddy.

Have you left yet? Move into the other property. Arrange meetings with your lawyer and accountant to see if either of you can afford to buy the other out of the business or, if you are both shareholders, if one of you can become a sleeping partner so you still receive dividends but don't have to work together.
There's no point rehashing what did or didn't happen in the past. You've told your wife you want to leave now - so do it. This isn't like most threads on MN when a relationship breaks down - you have no young DCs; there is another property you can move to; you have finances.
If you weren't ready to go then you shouldn't have announced it. But you did announce it to your wife. So, go. Otherwise you're falling in to being the perpetrator of the emotional abuse and manipulation that you accuse her of.

Massive drip feed. And for that reason I'm out

WTAF am I reading 😯.
I thought emotional affairs were real things on MN, and classified as 'more hurtful than physical affairs '. Enough to LTB!

I'll remember to tell the next woman seeking advice on one to not deny her husband his closest bestie, because she's jealous 🙄

Yep good old double standards MN!

And PPs are now realising they’ve got nothing to be a dick about because OP has done nothing wrong - so they’ve decided to leave the thread.
How pathetic.

reigateforever ,
you are mixing me up with somebody else!

I just realised I posted on one of your previous threads, you have been trying to leave this woman since 2019! Do it right now, not later, not tomorrow, right now!!!

Since you have that other house nearly finished, move in there and file for divorce.

Leaving the other house has no bearings on any settlement. It's still yours, the same as living there.

With your business, what happens to it when you retire?

Thanks all,

I will take your advice onboard.
my first move over this weekend is to move out and into my refurbished place.
albeit I will be on the same plot of land I will still be 3/4 of a acre away from my present home.
Just got to be strict with no further contact etc

Good news Jack1964. Are you able to access counselling? It sounds like you've lost sight of what a healthy relationship and healthy boundaries look like, and it might help you reset. Especially if your wife is abusive, as people who've read your other threads say.

Very good @Jack1964

Distance can definitely give perspective, even if the distance is only 200 ft (~diameter of 3/4 acre). You need to be sure you have sturdy locks and I'd also suggest a Ring doorbell.

I also think you need to work on yourself. It seems that you have very little confidence in yourself as far as believing that you have the right to direct your own life. You need to become more confident and assertive. Remember that 'assertiveness' doesn't always equal selfishness or bullying, although I'm sure your STBXW tells you differently as that's a well known tactic of emotional abusers (see DARVO). 'Giving in' may seem to 'keep the peace' but you pay a hefty price in internal turmoil and unhappiness.

The OPs posting style has been questionable throughout. The drip drip drip, the withholding of key information is "interesting" to say the least.

I may have been called a See You Next Tuesday by someone upthread, but I do question when an OP spends inordinate amounts of time sponging information and courting attention from people, meanwhile taking no personal accountability to move their circumstances forward, not.one.tiny.bit even since their thread 2 years ago.

really poor show by the OP continually dangling additional questions for people to answer then more dripping.

That’s the right thing to do but how can you have no contact when you are tied up in the business you have together?

I came to this forum for advice and insight.
Im not here to be judged and maligned.
If I see something that I don’t like I tend not to patronize it.
pls instead of casting assertions and being rude leave the thread for people who are genuinely trying to help.

btw I will still have contact with wife at work but we are in a very professional environment and personal matters must be put aside.

Not being funny Jack ,but why did you post.

Seems you have already put firm plans in place and do not wish any feedback on why some of these actions may not work.

Do you feel, you wish to keep an eye on her, whilst you live in the grounds nearby.

Where have you got that from? All his posts indicate he never wants to see her again!

3/4 of an acre is not far away, not far enough away to consider yourself truly separated.

Hope you're ok. Whatever you do, stick to it this time.

@BobbyBobbyBobby
You are awfully invested in this thread propelling it along when it should have died pages ago

Thanks for your help everyone,
i got a lot of great advice along with the toxic comments.

I'll wish you (both) the best of luck @Jack1964

Please be prepared though, all the 'tricks' that worked on you before, like the being suicidal etc.. will almost certainly get tried again.

It's going to be emotionally draining for you, but if you 'go back' nothing will change.
It didn't change this time, why would it the next.

You have to stay strong & build yourself a new life.
Take care.