Facebook phrases that drive you mad!

[Butterscotchpudding]

I'll start...

"My heart is full". Really? You just had a good gym session!

It's usually used when someone wants to discredit someone else's opinion or make out that opinion is shit and not worth listening to. I think it's supposed to convey a 'whiny' tone.

'Love you to the moon and back' is from the book 'Guess How Much I Love You' isn't it? Which is a sweet book but that phrase grinds my gears, I think because its so overused now.

My daughter (12) tells me that it is how to be /come across sarcastic in text.

My dh died last month and the outpouring of faux grief on fb was nauseating.
Mostly it was “oh no, I only saw him 41 years ago when we sat together for one lesson and now he’s gone”

The best two were;

Someone telling his best friend from school to stay strong when he only visited once in the 6 months he was ill and hadn’t been to our house before despite us being here 10 years. What’s he staying strong from? Not visiting? Not texting? Not contacting dh for YEARS at a time because he prefers friends who drink and take drugs? Complete wet lettuce, waste of of blood & organs. He’s about to get landed as surrogate son to mil though and will find out why we moved 15 miles away from her. Dh said it was close enough to get there in an emergency but far enough away for everyday drama.

His ex gf who he hated with a passion who cheated on him, fucked off with the life savings when he chucked her out for cheating, tried to get all the equity out of their house, got arrested for harassing him with texts, got arrested for obtaining goods by deception off their mortgage, forged his cheques to pay her family money, punched him in the face, financially abused him, took his brand new car & tried to not pay him for it (we won the small claims court case) being all over it and egged on by his mother (who is unfortunately, feral) I’m sure it’s doing her marriage to the man she cheated on him with the world of good. Dh would’ve been genuinely pleased if she’d died 🤷🏻‍♀️ horrible but true, she hurt him in so many ways.

Happy mothers/fathers day posts BECAUSE YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY JUST TELL THEM DIRECTLY

Elf on the fucking shelf. WE DON'T CARE

'There's no word in the English language that starts and ends with an 'e'' etc

Cue 1.7k comments quoting lists of words. Does it never cross their minds that just maybe there's a reason why they want to harvest endless profiles of the terminally gullible?

Oh I have the one who constantly lets FB know about her “wonderful hubby” spoiling her and how he works sooooooo hard for his wifey and 4 babies. Erm ones 13? Anyhow he’s the local drug dealer but he’s doing alright by all accounts as they’ve just bought a huge new house. She was a school mum but I always thought he looked a bit dodgy so I googled him and yep he had already been doing for drug offences in 2012. She’s too entertaining now for me to remove her.

I see. It looks pretty daft when adopted by adults.

Omg I forgot about this one 😆 yes. I see lots of these especially on a Sunday!

Referring to family members as either :

Fam / sis / bro

Winds me up more than it should

“About last night…” as the caption for heavily facetuned/filtered Instagram photos of the poster trussed up like a turkey pouting in the mirror of a pub toilet.

When on Facebook marketplace, someone will post an item for sale but with no price. If someone enquires, they say ‘pm me’ or ‘sent you a message.’

Just say how much it costs!

Oh and when someone’s been on holiday and they post “Thank you Gran Canaria, you’ve been amazing ❤️“. Like they’re a rock star on tour!

Or when normal people post about something they’ve bought and tag the company thanking them (more Instagram really). As if they’re influencers who found it in their PO Box. You don’t need to thank and tag the walkers account because you bought a packet of sensations in the petrol station.

This might be more of a Twitter thing but I really hate the ‘Am I the only one who……..’ posts, usually things like ‘Am I the only one who has never watched I’m a Celeb / still wears a mask / goes to the library / thanks the bus driver.’

So annoying

You got this..

in the context of someone posting something like I’ve just been disgnosed with a brain tumour and have 3 weeks to live.

no, they haven’t really ‘got this’ 🙄🤷‍♀️

"Got my hair did"
Accompanied by posing photo that they clearly like, but feel they have to be faux-humble about.

The person who just posts

😡SO FUCKING ANGRY

and nothing else. Then comments asking wots up hun, and then reply is DM me.

The one who has to post updates about every day in her life. With pictures of washing on the line at 7am and food in the slow cooker.

A photo of the dog in the bed next to her, 'he is my life'.

Facebook groups..... to the person in xyz street. 'how dare you shout at my child, who do you think you are, I will report you' Cue a post in the replies of cctv footage of kid kicking someone's gate in to which then the OP never re-appears.

But my pet peeve someone has mentioned. Someone selling something with no price listed. If anyone asks, the poster tells them to DM them. Why do they do this??? It happens all the time. Even if I was interested, that would put me off buying form them as its so annoying.

The memes of “don’t be bitter/selfish” posted by the most selfish person you know with no trace of irony or self awareness

One friend posts pics every birthday, of all her presents from her family on a table, and a bunch of flowers from "lovely hubby." Then another pic of the amazing meal her teenage daughters cooked for her. Yes, dear, we know you are "such a lucky girl" !

Oh man! I've just seen another "my heart is full" and "feeling blessed" in the same post! It was a photo of a couple with another couple at the local pub! Just enjoy your night without posting this showy mush, please! You're just having a drink with your mates! I often see this foursome and they're on the shots before long, so suspect they feel anything but "blessed" this morning 😂

The one I'm 'friends' with also often posts pictures of his wife (with a million filters!), with captions such as "rare night out with this sort #punching".

fur baby

bubba

"and just like that..." when saying how old their child now is on their birthday

All these examples make me glad I ditched FB in 2010.

I ditched it in 2019 before realising just how much I used it for non-friend related stuff 😑so I joined again and now have a dummy profile I use to learn about local events, organisations relating to the DC’s activities (their swimming pool posts all their useful info on Facebook), plus I’m in a couple of the decent ‘local news’ type groups which post useful information. I’ve also had some incredible bargains (and sold a load of stuff myself) on Facebook marketplace.

I don’t miss anything about the ‘social’ aspect of it - I keep in touch with all my friends using WhatsApp.

I have someone who regularly posts things like..
“Do I know a good joiner?”
“Do I have someone on here who mends cars?”
”Do I know a floral wreath maker?”
I struggle to not reply ”I don’t know, do you?”