Facebook phrases that drive you mad!

[Butterscotchpudding]

I'll start...

"My heart is full". Really? You just had a good gym session!

"Admin-please delete if not allowed (or more often aloud)" - admin don't need you to tell them that, thanks, also you're selling an IKEA desk, not propagating hate speech!

"Rant over!!!!'. A full stop would have sufficed.

'So this just happened' or 'I did a thing', used to accompany a photo of a big event like their wedding or university graduation. I think I might have actually seen it more often in Twitter or Instagram but argh, the faux humility!

'My husband is better then yours' accompanied by a brag post and photo.

I'm glad you think highly of your husband Sally, but he really isn't better than my non-existent husband.

This boy/ girl
Yeah? What about them? What are you actually trying to tell us?

I like to save #makingmemories for actual memorable stuff like puking on a rollercoaster after a 3 hour wait 😂

"and just like that......." (isla may turns 1/alfie is a teenager/my baby turns 2 etc etc) 🙄

‘To this beautiful human…’

This has made me laugh so much! Couldn’t agree more.

That boy though. Those eyes though. That hair though. Just fk off!

Any kind of ‘vibes’ it might sound cool on some surfer girl from America but not on someone’s 60 identical photos of a fireworks display .

Early birthday shit.

Eg.

'I can't believe my baby will be 16 in only 4 weeks and 3 days, where has the time gone? '

A Facebook or Instagram story of a quote, or some Winnie the Pooh comic strip, accompanied by a very thinly veiled ‘you never know what others are going through’ or a #bekind, usually from someone I know is a massive bully in real life.

I hate those awful cartoons of the boy and the horse and the fox and the tree or whatever. Always some awful schmaltz.

People who carry on counting their children's ages as if they were babies - "Luca is 49 months today!"
Mate, Luca is at school - get over it and stop making us all try to do maths.

My world" on a photo of some parsnip-legged gimp with Tommy Shelby hair, and a rheumy-eyed brat named Teddy or Arlo.

😂😂😂 Vicious. I love it.

‘And in the blink of an eye’ 🤮
’Where does the time go?’

Posts that start

"I can't believe"

Followed by something totally normal. Like a
Child growing older

"99% of people won't share this...."

I was guilty of that one during the covid lockdowns when I talked about people who lived in my computer

Totally agree that you can't make memories, people either remember things or they don't.

Although the thing I hate most is people lobbing in a hand grenade to a local group (ie saying something controversial) and then turning off commenting so you can't say anything in response. I wish FB would get rid of the turn off commenting function.

The ‘is this still available?’ automatic question on FB marketplace. Yes of course it’s still fucking available, I only listed it 23 seconds ago.

I absolutely cringe when people go out for dinner at an ordinary local pub and then take photos of every course they’ve eaten…..,invariably a sad looking lasagne and say it’s amazing

"He's been" paired with a pile of presents on Xmas eve.

"And then she was 7"

"How did this happen? My baby is 7"

And that kinda stuff. I mean, I know time flies but it irritates me.

"First time posting so please be kind" preceding a post in a Group. Usually the post is completely appropriate to the group and really doesn't warrant such a cringing, fearful disclaimer.

And obviously, "and just like that, she was 5", "and just like that, he was 2" ad bloody nauseum

Tributes to dead relatives

Agreed. Can not bear it. What is it???

"If you know, you know"

"Methinks"

People asking for help, then saying "Go!", as if no-one's got anything better to do than answer a mind numbingly banal query.