If you were privately educated, are your children?

[roarfeckingroarr]

And if they aren't, do you feel guilty? Was it a moral choice or a financial one?

I had a wonderful experience of private education. I was very very lucky. I always intended to give my children the same opportunities. Now I have a toddler and I'm pregnant, I just don't know if I can afford it and I feel huge guilt. I probably could, just, if we pulled back on everything else.

Argh.

Please don't turn into a private school bashing thread.

Even if a privately educated individual doesn't send their child too a private school, they are more likely to live in a more affluent area that has decent state options, so probably still receiving a better education than many.

Both my parents went to private school, neither of us kids did as they couldn’t afford it. I know a lot of private school teachers and none of them can afford to send their kids to private. Those private school teachers mainly work at the schools they went to. So they’re privately educated, work there now, but can’t afford to send their own kids there? Seems a flaw in the system really.

I was in the primary school years only because of living out of the UK. DH is state. We can well afford it because of DHs earnings not mine. But want a village life for the kids, something I didn’t get.

and you think abolishing private schools is going to abolish that?

I didn't say I wanted to abolish private schools, just explaining why some other people do.

I was as was my ex husband and both our children are (or soon to be both..)

The decision stemmed from eldest being in state primary for the first 3 years and us realising the difference between even a really great state school and private. We moved him and will do the same for the youngest when the time comes as our school of choice starts at year 3.

We pay half the fees each, for him it's nothing for me it'll be a stretch, but we feel it's worth it.

It’s like making a law that parents with the means, who want their children to succeed in the equestrian world aren’t allowed to buy their child a horse.

No, it's like saying here, have a job instead of that state educated person over there who is brighter than you.

@Bovrilly how do you know that statistically they aren’t cleverer? I would say that the children at highly selective independents are probably cleverer in an academic sense than me and my kids.

Someone was talking about a company (I can’t remember the name so can’t show evidence) which doesn’t ask for cvs but sets the job applicants tasks and judge their ability to do the job on how they carry out the tasks.
Maybe lots of companies do that nowadays.
These companies wouldn’t know where the applicants were educated.

@Bovrilly how do you know that statistically they aren’t cleverer? I would say that the children at highly selective independents are probably cleverer in an academic sense than me and my kids.

Because according to mumsnet, if you’re posh you can’t be clever.

I went to a girls' grammar and DH went private. We were in complete agreement that we wouldn't send our children to private schools.

I wasn’t privately educated (good enough local state schools). Ended up with a PhD from a RG uni

OH was privately educated throughout, didn’t do as well as I did academically, but his education equipped him in other ways

DD has done reception - Y4 in an excellent state first school, she’s now in year 5 at an independent prep

I was for secondary and no my children aren’t. I was in an area in Dublin where the difference for girls was more marked. Am now rural and the boys go to a great public school but both schools seem equally good but as it’s boys amn’t sure as my brothers went to public school that was good!

I went to private primary school as was an expat child and that was the only option. My kids go to a lovely state primary school. No guilt. I actually think it’s better than the local private school.

how do you know that statistically they aren’t cleverer?

Privately educated people are disproportionately represented in top jobs and positions of power if you compare the numbers of students from both sectors who get the top grades at A level. It's just one measure but it suggests that they don't get these jobs because they are cleverer. Hopefully the various attempts at fixing this will start to make a difference.

@roarfeckingroarr I was privately educated from 4-18, as was my ex husband. So were our parents. We have just finished educating our final DC privately (all of them have also been right the way through the independent system). It has been a very long, hard slog and I often wondered how on earth I was going to pay my share (I had a big debt to one of the schools during Covid, when I had no income at all - still paying it off). Neither of us regrets it - we were dead set on it, given that it was all we have ever known. However, we are both wiped out financially and are very, very glad that we've come to the end of it.

If you can comfortably afford it send your DC to private school

There's nothing weirder than well off DC from massive houses going to the local state school lording their home and wealth over the normal DC.

And there's nothing more uncomfortable being the poor relation at a private school.

There's nothing weirder than well off DC from massive houses going to the local state school lording their home and wealth over the normal DC.

@formulatingAresponse thats a weird point of view imo, we gave no private schools in our county so there’s not much choice.

The predominant theme of this thread seems to be privately educated people who are sending their kids to state schools, either for financial or principled reasons.

Which begs the question, who is now sending their children to the schools many privately educated folk no longer choose?

I know loads of people who went to public boarding schools, none of whom would dream of sending their own children, although most opt for independent day schools.

The only couple I know sending their children to a ‘top’ public, boys’ boarding school are both state educated but now quite well off, with very strong hopes of social elevation. But their can’t be too many like them about?

I used to work in an environment where the majority of people were privately educated. I think many who went through that system think they are falling their dc if they don't do the same. I went to excellent faith & grammar schools & did fine so have no issue with the same for my dc. I'm also very tight & whilst I do think private can offer some nice extras not 20k worth!

The only couple I know sending their children to a ‘top’ public, boys’ boarding school are both state educated but now quite well off, with very strong hopes of social elevation. But their can’t be too many like them about?

You’d be surprised. Maybe it’s not just ‘social elevation’ but also giving their children chances they didn’t have. Maybe if they read mumsnet and they would change their minds.

And that’s the truth of the matter. The question should be. If you were privately educated are you children in a totally bog standard comprehensive or one with children from similar aspirational backgrounds because the answers might be quite different. If I’m quite honest mine have been in state because it’s a brilliant school with lots of like minded children and excellent results. One moved back to private for A level as state couldn’t off the course. If we didn’t have that they’d all be in private and if I couldn’t afford (I can) it I would have remortgaged and got a higher paying full time job to pay for it. And much as most people don’t want to admit I’m not on my own with that view,

I grew up in Dublin where it's cheaper and more common to go private than the UK. I was in a fee-paying school from 4 until I left at 17. Both DC went to a church based state primary in the neighbouring parish (our parish doesn't have a school). DS went to my old secondary school for a year and was asked to leave. Then he went to a state community school for two years and was asked to leave. Then he went into a two year programme for children/young adults who left school early. He's now in college which is state subsidised. DD is currently still in my old secondary school.

I think it depends on the child. DS has a lot of issues and I would have been prepared to throw any amount of money towards it if it would have helped, but ultimately what suited him best was state funded. DD isn't very academic but her school has a lot of additional resources and activities so fee-paying is probably more enjoyable for her than state school even if her final academic results probably won't be much different.

If you were privately educated are you children in a totally bog standard comprehensive or one with children from similar aspirational backgrounds

I'm not sure exactly how you define bog standard but my DC went to their local comp where there were children from all kinds of backgrounds, aspirational and not. Some of the kids from aspirational backgrounds are from wealthy families, some of them are poor. Some are from wealthy families where the parents are not interested, others have supportive families but no money. (Wealthy/middle-class are not synonyms for aspirational and neither does it follow that privately educated parents = aspirational background.) I expect many comps are the same, that's the point of being comprehensive.

The option for boys in my neighbourhood is a bog standard comp where they seemingly send no children to RG universities. There's a notable lack of teenage boys in my neighbourhood. The teenage boys that there are, ALL go private. On the other hand, there's an excellent state girls school, tonnes of teenage girls in the neighbourhood, plenty of whom go to the great girl's state school. My state educated partner was very anti private school until I explained the situation of the local state schools. He's now VERY pro private for our son. Not many upper middle class parents who could afford private would choose to send their precious off spring to a bog standard school no matter what they say. Nearly all would move to a better catchment area or pay fees. Personally I don't think there's any difference morally or indeed practically.

If you were privately educated are you children in a totally bog standard comprehensive or one with children from similar aspirational backgrounds

Another not sure of your question.

Do my DC go to the local comp that has a wide range of children from socio-economic backgrounds? Yes, it's a "genuine" comp full of a diverse range of children. (It's not the sort of comp that drives up local house prices and is a leafy middle class enclave, which I suspect is what you were really asking)

Do they go to a comp where children come from aspirational backgrounds? That's also yes. And there is absolutely not a 1-1 relationship between type of background and aspirations.