If you were privately educated, are your children?

[roarfeckingroarr]

And if they aren't, do you feel guilty? Was it a moral choice or a financial one?

I had a wonderful experience of private education. I was very very lucky. I always intended to give my children the same opportunities. Now I have a toddler and I'm pregnant, I just don't know if I can afford it and I feel huge guilt. I probably could, just, if we pulled back on everything else.

Argh.

Please don't turn into a private school bashing thread.

My DD goes private primary after a few years in an outstanding state school.
She has SEN and despite being bright struggled with the class size and support. She is not bringing down the rest of the class!! (To the poster up thread who clearly has no idea about SEN).

She will likely go to private secondary again for the same reason. It is crippling financially but she is an only child and loving school.

I was privately educated for both primary and secondary. Not a chance we could afford it for our DD. She has severe SEN, so that dilemma didn’t exist for us in any case.

I was terribly bullied throughout my time being educated in the private sector. I appreciate there's bullying in all schools, but as I didn't have a good experience, I don't feel any guilt.

Private education would put huge pressure on our finances, and personally I don't think it's worth it.

I was bullied at private school as well.

In my case it was because I was from a poorer/different kind of background, so very much not something I would have encountered at a non-private school.
I was comparatively old before I realised that my parents must have been pretty well of to afford the fees in the first place, so we really weren't a poor family!

Likewise, people are advocating the state system for their children because of diversity. However, our local state primary and secondary schools are not diverse at all. 99.9% white British and it’s a pretty affluent village so there’s little social diversity either.

To be fair, it must be pretty unusual to want diversity (which of course is not solely related to ethnic background anyway) and yet choose to live in a 99.5% white British village.

Yes I was advocating the state system for social diversity and for that reason wouldn't have chosen to live in such a non-diverse place. I would say it's pretty unusual for a state school (talking about comps as no grammars here) not to have more social diversity than a private school in the same area. Most private schools are selective and the whole point is that a lot of people don't get in because they are not smart enough, or because their families are not rich enough. So for most people state will be "better" if social diversity is one of your priorities.

I posted about diversity and I meant it in all respects, but diversity of background most of all. Before going out into the world, I had never encountered anyone from a working class background - feels ridiculous to write, but completely true. It was a complete culture shock when I eventually did, at uni and work. We were programmed to think that being anything other than very well off was both terrifying and a moral failing. I remember having friends who weren’t allowed to watch Grange Hill because it portrayed the wrong kinds of people. The snobbery was incredible. I think it is far healthier to rub shoulders with the other 93% of the population than to retreat with the 7%, hence making the choice that we have for our children, despite being able to afford private quite comfortably

But it's perfectly possible to go to private school and still meet people who don't go to private school? Extended family? Neighbours? Brownies? Family friends? Back in the 80s, church. I went to private school but knew tonnes of people who didn't as I was growing up. Imo, parents would have to make a concerted effort to ensure you didn't socialise with state school kids.

@sheepdogdelight I like the peace and quiet of the countryside. It’s in my blood - both my mum and dad were from farming families.

@Bovrilly well I don’t want to live in a city. I like the peace and quiet of the countryside.

I think the point is to meet people you wouldn't otherwise meet, so from outside your social circle. People who are different from you, who share your community. My school had its own cub pack (no brownies as not enough girls but girls were allowed to be cubs). We went to school chapel. Didn't really know the neighbours as I was only there in the holidays. Sports / music all done through school. It was quite a closed world and most of the people in it were very similar to one another.

That's good - nobody said you should live anywhere you don't want to, so you're all right there. I don't think it's typical though, most places do have different demographics in state and private education.

Of course it's possible. But my experience is that lots of people like their children to go to private school because they do a range of extra curricular activities and therefore their children don't go to a clubs outside of school particularly. (I would consider this another negative of private school tbh, but depends what you are looking for). And once children get past early primary school then they don't really hang out with their parents' friends.
I'd say it was quite easy for a privately educated child not to be friends with any state children unless they actually made the concerted effort.

@Bovrilly well that’s your school isn’t it and not all private schools are boarding schools. At my DC’s school lots of the children take part in activities outside school. In fact, practically every boy does as they don’t play football at school! And it’s far, far more diverse than the comp I went to. I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t white British until I went to university. My nieces are the same now at their comp in a Midlands ex mining town. Not a single person in their classes who isn’t white. I’ve actually checked out the nearest private school to them and it’s more diverse.

well that’s your school isn’t it and not all private schools are boarding schools

Yes I was writing in response to the PP who suggested it would be impossible not to know a diverse group of people because of church, brownies etc.

And it’s far, far more diverse than the comp I went to. I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t white British until I went to university.

I am talking about social diversity, not ethnic diversity. State schools contain clever, rich people, but also people who are not clever enough or rich enough to go to selective private schools (ie most private schools). The whole point of selection is that it excludes certain groups of people and therefore limits social diversity.

The state secondary closest to us doesn't appear to send any kids to RG universities. Not that socially / academically diverse. I think the problem here is that one state school is vastly different to another state school and the same for private schools. These sweeping generalisation don't

...really work

I always thought when people spoke about state schools being more "diverse" they were primarily talking about the background of the children that go there. At a genuine comprehensive school in a genuinely mixed socio-economic area you are going to get a range of children from different socio-economic backgrounds. At a private school you are going to get children who predominantly (bar the odd one with a 100% bursary or who has rich grandparents but non well off parents) come from people at the upper end of the wealth range. Even if they drive an old banger, shop in Lidl and have no holidays.

If you live in a leafy middle class suburb where everyone is white, then of course that's going to be reflected in the intake of the local school. Going private may provide more ethnic background diversity in this case, but it won't provide more socio-economic diversity.

Unless it's a top 10 in the country private school ( academically speaking) then in my opinion they're a waste of money now in comparison to some of the outstanding state schools.

There have been loads of posts on this thread about how posters’ dcs have done very well at state school got into good universities etc., and also how they’ve mixed with all backgrounds, have local friends, and generally how state schools are better than private schools.
So if that’s the case, and parents educating their children privately are wasting their money, then why do people want private education abolished?

I don't think it's a sweeping generalisation or particularly controversial to say that on the whole, schools which let anyone in will be more socially diverse than schools which exclude large groups of people, mostly by income 🤷‍♀️

Of course each area has a particular socio-economic profile, the populations of some schools will vary depending on what else is available, grammars have a particular effect etc etc. But on the whole, if you have social diversity as a priority, you are more likely to find it in the state sector.

DH and I both privately educated and both loved every minute of it. But we send our DC to local outstanding state schools. We could - just - have afforded private if we had to, but when we had offers from one brilliant private and one brilliant state, it was an obvious decision to make.

And we're not the only ones - there are lots of privately educated parents at this state school, and lots of seriously well-off ones!

We know we are lucky having these brilliant schools on our doorstep - if we didn't, and if the alternative was a terrible state school, we'd have done what it took to go private - move house etc.

But I don't see the point in paying for a middle of the road private. I'd have gone for a brilliant one or else IMO it's a waste of money. I'm not paying quarter of a million pounds to get my child a smart accent!

We were privately educated and we’ve used a mix of state and private. No regrets. Both sectors have served our dc well.

So if that’s the case, and parents educating their children privately are wasting their money, then why do people want private education abolished?

Because people who are privately educated get an unfair leg-up thanks to economic status rather than merit?

@Bovrilly well there weren’t any rich kids at my comp and if you were clever, you got the shit kicked out of you so you had to pretend not to be or hide in the toilets like I did. Your kids comp may be better but you are delusional if you think all are a harmonious mix of different social classes.

Anyway, my DC’s have a diverse range of friends, from an ethic, religious and social point of view. My oldest transitioned very smoothly from a private prep to a state grammar where he knew no one in his class. After a few weeks he had loads of friends.
Some are from affluent middle class families, some are from the Council estate round the corner. None of them seem to give a shit about how much money their parents have or do not have. Maybe you should blame your parents if you weren’t exposed to a diverse enough range of people growing up.

you are delusional if you think all are a harmonious mix of different social classes

I don't think that, although my DC's school while not fantastic, was good enough that people didn't get beaten up for being clever.

It's great that your DS has found a socially diverse group of friends in the state sector, that's exactly why we chose state for our DC. I didn't have that opportunity because there were no children from a council estate (for instance) at my independent school. I don't blame my parents - they just had different priorities to us. Having our DC be part of their local community and mix with a wide range of people was important.