If you were privately educated, are your children?

[roarfeckingroarr]

And if they aren't, do you feel guilty? Was it a moral choice or a financial one?

I had a wonderful experience of private education. I was very very lucky. I always intended to give my children the same opportunities. Now I have a toddler and I'm pregnant, I just don't know if I can afford it and I feel huge guilt. I probably could, just, if we pulled back on everything else.

Argh.

Please don't turn into a private school bashing thread.

Privately educated in girls school from 3rd year to sixth form, after suffering three years in a late 1980s 1990 Kent Secondary Modern. DH privately educated from 3 -18 and despite this choose to become a State School Teacher.

My two DDs are at two different Grammar schools DD1 year 10 just turned 15 and my fantastic adopted DD2 who is year 9 and 13 who qualifies for an EHCP for her Autism among other difficulties. The Grammar school she goes to is where DH is Head of English hence why DD1 refused to go there !

I went to state till age 11, then private for senior - at the time my parents had a combined income of about £35k pa and my school fees were about £3.5k pa so about 10% of family income. I didn't especially like my school but am not sure I would have been happier elsewhere.

DH went to state till age 13 then won a 100% scholarship to an incredibly posh public school which he really hated but his parents would not have been able to afford the fees at all but were absolutely determined to get him to win that scholarship and made him feel that he would only be a worthwhile human if he reached maximum academic success.

Originally we never intended to send DC to private school. I firmly believed that a bright kid could thrive anywhere and that the elitism of private school was detrimental. However, DC was not thriving in the state system. He's bright and able, has ASD and a variety of processing, sensory and other challenges, which weren't taken seriously because he wasn't at the bottom of his class. We found a brilliant private school that suits him perfectly, isn't particularly elitist or posh, and has a pretty high proportion of kids with additional educational needs which the school understand and support well. The fees are more like 20% of our household income so it's not easy but we can just about afford it.

I was, DH wasn't.
DC1 private secondary.
DC2&3 private from year 3 upwards.

I was, the whole way through primary to A levels.
If I could afford it, I'd send mine to private school in an instant.

I was privately educated and I home educate my 2 children (8 and 12)

Yes, I went to a private school from 4. I can't afford the same for my kids and I feel like a total failure. Sending my son to school this year was the first time I'd ever been in a state school.

The weird thing is I hated school. It wasn't me at all and I didn't thrive in that environment. Yet I want my kids at one. I hope maybe we will be better off by secondary or sixth form.

It's obviously engrained in my mind that they are superior. I know that is snobby and wrong. I think it's terrible that there is such a huge gap between the state and private sector. But there is and I know what side I'd rather be on.

This is cheating because my DS is 22 now. I was at grammar school but DH was privately educated, and that’s what we chose for DS. He even went to the same prep school as DH.

God knows how we afforded it, not sure we could have done if we had had more than one, but it was worth every penny.

I know many people who only manage with help from grandparents, but that can bring it’s own problems

None of my privately educated friends can afford to send their kids to private school.

DH and I were both privately educated and DC is not. We did intend to but didn't for a number of reasons - local comp is a good school, we live far from good independent schools. DC does get similar experiences to what we had. I do feel a little guilty and would consider going private for last few years of school. We could afford it but it is much more expensive than it was when we were young.

I was privately educated. I had a good experience but bad one when I joined an expensive public school. After University, I trained as a teacher and taught at several state schools and realised the teaching at my public school was not good. My Dds went to the local state primaries then the local comp. They got 5Astars and an A between them at A Level (both took final exams). This is much, much better than I did at A Level.

Dh was state primary then private secondary, I was state all the way.

I always planned on state and dh was 100% insistent that they never went near a private or even selective school.

They're all in tertiary education now and their state school education hasn't kept them back one single bit. Dd1 is at GSA, one of the top art schools in the country, ds is studying nursing and dd2 is doing beauty therapy with a placement at a top spa. They are all happy, healthy, fulfilled. They didn't need a private school to get them there.

…because we didn’t send them to private school they have a nice deposit for a house each when the time comes.

We live in a 11+ area which may solve the issue if DC pass.

DappledThings what is the ‘issue’? If you and your dh are vehemently opposed to private education then what’s wrong with a comprehensive?

Fazzo You raise a significant point about the cost of private education when you say your parents joint income was £35k (late 1980s ?) and the fees were £3.5k . I guess today 10% income based on average fees of £18-20 would require a joint income nearing £200k. Thus, middle income families have been priced out of Private education. The negative to this has meant the Grammar schools have taken many of these children who in the 1980s and early 1990s would have gone Private. The consequence being lost Grammar School places for able but not advantaged children, whether that be financial or having educated parents.

I went to the worst secondary school in Wales. It was closed the year I left due to woeful exam results, at a time when school inspection started to be a serious matter. There were kids on drugs, kids pregnant at 12, teachers with drinking habits, appalling poverty and I bunked off from around 13-14. I was academic and this place sucked the joy out of that. It was a detention centre and teachers didn't care. Anyone decent just left. Once in college, I thrived with funding and caring staff. I went on to have an academic career, despite that State school. However, it was really, really hard work. My eldest is in private secondary as he would have hated the local State school. The results are bad and bullying is rife. He attends a lovely school and is emotionally better for it. Small class sizes mean they do more sports and arts than he would ever get in a State school. It has balanced out his interests, and matured him. I am happy to pay, and would home educate him before sending him to the local State school. I feel pangs of envy that I never got a private school education, as I would not have needed to slog so hard later on.

I was privately educated, DH was not. Kids are both at state secondaries. We could afford private but don’t really agree with it as a principle - think it is better for kids to mix with a broad range of people. I left school with almost no idea of life beyond the bubble I had grown up in. Sure, I had some great academic results, but found that A* GCSEs aren’t actually the passport to happiness they’re cracked up to be. So, we spend the money on other things - holidays, nice house, hobbies - that give them an enjoyable life.

I also think private schooling is designed to make you feel like it’s “the best”. But, this can’t be objectively true, because “the best” is a completely subjective things when it comes to education - so many variables involved. It’s entirely possible to go to a private school and hate it - I did. It was the most back-stabbing, bitchy place and it took me years to get over that part of the experience. Small class sizes sound great on paper. In reality, they leave you with nowhere to hide. Everyone knows everything about everyone.

So, I don’t feel in the least bit guilty, as my DC are far happier than I ever was, so something must be working

I went to private secondary on a 100% scholarship. We were poor so couldn't have afforded any kind of paid private education.

I could probably have just about afforded private education for my kids, but at the expense of everything else eg holidays, days out, toys.

But firstly, the nearest private school is a long drive, and would have been a right pain for all of us (esp when wanting to meet friends out of school).
And secondly, neither of my kids wanted the pressure of private education. The need to work so hard, to do so many extracurricular activities etc. It just wasn't for them.

I narrowly failed the 11+ and yet by the time I was moved to the Private school, I was apparently about three years beyond the other girls at the Private school. Hence, being made to repeat the third year or year 9.

I was privately educated from 9-16. My DH went to a state comp. I’m an only child, and had a scholarship which paid for around a third of my fees (though my parents would have sent me without that). Fees comparatively seem much more now - about 5 times what my school fees were. We have 3 kids so it would be a huge amount of money. We’ve looked a few times but always ended up deciding to stick with state and have money to do holidays and things out of school. I also have some mixed feelings on the private schools.

We were privately educated and could afford it for our children. But we have decided to work less, earn less and send children to state school.

Our house is in the catchment of schools that we love though. We didn't move specifically move house for school, but obviously thought about schools a lot when it was time to buy.

We think the kids benefit more from having us around, than from private education. From having us be there after school to talk, read, play and help with homework. To have extra money and time for hobbies and activities. To have shorter school days, with no wraparound care, with plenty of time at home to relax. And to have parents who aren't burned out from work.

I was privately educated from 8-18 and feel bad for my girls that I can't do the same for them - but I was on 50% scholarship so my fees were something like £500 per term at secondary - it would be more like £5k now
They're both doing well educationally - I am lucky to have decent school options nearby.

@Kfjsjdbd i have two autistic SEN children. One of them is gifted child. Can do complicated math problem since he was 6yo and can read when he was 3. He also got very high IQ and my other one is very bright on his class. The brightest in his class. Not all sen is less able. I’m just saying.

I was privately educated for secondary. Highly selective academic girls school. DH local comp. I did much better academically initially but lots of guilt and no self esteem. DH had to work harder and made mistakes but so much more balanced and successful professionally than me. My kids been to local (fairly ordinary) non selective state schools and have done v. well academically and are both lovely balanced young men.

I didn't really consider private school as I am not keen ideologically and based on my own experience. Also state school meant we were lucky enough to be able to afford holidays and extracurricular things. But I would have considered if either of them were massively unhappy.

Dh and I were state, although in another country. Dc is privately educated and it's such a world of difference, I am constantly amazed at the opportunities and facilities the school offers. He is receiving an almost individual tailored education. I guess it's a case for us of doing better than we had.

I was, but part of army brat TKC lifestyle; loved it all but won't happen for my kids as have taken a different career path.