Why are so many women so obsessed with having girls?

[TreacsPotNoodle]

(Not all women of course.)

But it seems to be so common that pregnant women are desperate for a baby girl! Why is this?!

3 of my friends who had babies around the same time as me were so disappointed to find out they were having boys and have made a point to "keep trying until they have a girl"

I'm not trying to be goady I just genuinely cannot think of why baby girls are so favoured over baby boys?

There is now, (can’t remember if there was when I was a little girl 40 years ago but I never had a dolly as we were very poor) but going back to a previous point I made, little girls play with little girls and little boys play with little boys. If there’s a new baby being born into the family most children would wish for a sibling of the same sex. Whether it’s nature or nurture or a bit of both I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️

Funny place to hang out when you find us ‘insincere, manipulative, whiny and entitled’.

In your opinion.

@Bettyboop3

Not really. This site is full of women complaining about their mother in laws. Much more than men. Yes Mumsnet is a predominantly female based site but you carry on with your denial about your sons and how they will be when their adults.

Mine aren’t adults yet so I have no idea what’s to come but I’m glad I’m going into it with my eyes wide open 👀.

*they’re

Are you talking about gender or sex?

Regardless, maybe if sex disappointment was recognised as a thing, rightly or wrongly, and women not stereotyped as being airheaded, Insta loving, mini me wanna be creators, then maybe they could seek help for something that could lead to PND. It shouldn't be a taboo where people whisper behind your back at what a dreadful person you are.

I think some of it is driven by our experiences with boys & men growing up. I always wanted a boy but maybe because I had some great male role models growing up: male teacher, male friends, friends had affectionate dads. I found it easy to be friends with males all through my life, so I wasnt afraid of being a parent to one. I was thrilled to bits to have my son!

😂

Mine are adults, I do know what I'm talking about. Everybody has different experiences and I find it pretty sad you are expecting problems already whilst yours are still children. Maybe you will be that nightmare MIL with your attitude.

Females probably tend to want a daughter. Males probably tend to want a son. It is to do with your own experience and thinking you'll know what to do and how to be with someone of your own gender as you have experienced the same. Generalisation of course.

I’m not very girly but I wanted a girl more than a boy. I never had a sister so I thought a daughter would be the next best thing.

Also my brother and dad are football crazy and I know they would make my son the same way. I don’t want to deal with football in my own house.

Also, my brother tended to hit me when he was growing up. I don’t want to live in fear of my son either if he was the same way.

I can only go by men in my life.. my brothers for example see my mum much more than I do!

my husband sees his parents more than his sister

i have friends that have emigrated to be with their husbands and no longer close to parents.

eveeyone has different experiences

it is a bit sad how clearly many woman on this site view boys/ men

@Tangled123 girls also his their sisters?

@Bettyboop3

Not expecting problems, I am just aware of the culture that is rather prevalent in this country. For what it’s worth I think I’ll be a fab mother in law 😉. Having said that I’m also not naive to just “expect” to have what I want when they’re adults. That has all the hallmarks of a nightmare MIL to be honest …..

Yes, i guess. Tbh i have much better relationships with my sons girlfriends than my daughters boyfriend but he's just an immature twat who treats her badly so . . . 🤷‍♀️

@Bettyboop3

Hopefully she will see the light soon and finish with him then in that case. It’s not uncommon to go out with at least one arsehole before settling down with someone decent.

I also think women often get on with their boyfriends mum but then it’s like a switch when they either get married or have kids. I’ve seen that dynamic play out a lot over the years.

We shall see, neither have kids yet! I honestly can't see my eldest son not being a big part of my life, we have also been very close. He's not a mummy's boy, we just get on.

@Bettyboop3

Problem is, you can get on with your sons splendidly, but if their wife decides to ostracise you or shut you out for whatever reason, it’s incredibly difficult for sons to maintain that relationship to a decent standard. I’ve seen too many mothers of adult sons become after thoughts. I’ve also seen some adult sons remain close to their mothers but it’s very much dependent on the relationship between MIL and DIL.

Its a gamble….can go one way or the other. I am hoping the universe repays me with kindness as I’ve always respected my MIL 🙏 . We are very different people and her mothering was in my opinion questionable but I have never got inbetween my husband and her. I’ve always encouraged her to be a big part of my kids life too. I have friends who are nowhere near as tolerant as myself with very strained MIL relationships.

I have always had a better relationship with my MIL than my own mother

I do believe the saying about daughters being a for life and sons until a wife/adult. Because it is my lived experience.

In work all the advocates for elderly parents and next of kins are daughters. The ones who are sons that advocate are because they’ve never moved out. Even the daughters who have moved abroad ring and email for updates on their parents.

that’s socialisation I hear you say? Well i agree to some extent but actually I think it’s an inherent difference between men and women.

My older colleagues with adult daughters could tell you about their daughters jobs, if they like or dislike their boss, what colour their thinking of painting the house etc. because they chat regularly be it in person or over the phone. Their sons not so much. They could tell you their jobs but not the details or tell you they’ve moved but no details. Not for lack of care on their parents part but their sons just don’t talk like that. Whereas women tend to share this sort of stuff which builds relationships.

My in-laws are lovely. They truly are gems who have adored their sons. Couldn’t ask for better parents. My DP is one of 5 brothers. Do they have close m relationships with their adult sons? When they were little yes, extremely close. Now adults, I wouldn’t say so.
none of them would ring MIL just for a little chat about general crap. They ring for a purpose, such as:

• can i borrow the lawn mower?
• can you babysit xyz date?
• can you watch the dog on xyz date?

If my in-laws didn’t make the effort they’d only hear from them on birthdays/Christmas or receive the occasional text every few months.

I am actually very close to MIL so by extension DP is. His brothers wives are close to their own families so they see them for the obligatory dinner whenever in laws invite them but wouldn’t regularly pop to see them off their own back. If me and DP weren’t together then I’ve no doubt he’d be the same.

yet my in-laws stood at the side of rugby pitches in the cold, took them on family holidays and have them lots of time and love. They were very close. Until they grew up and left. Out of sight. Out of mind almost?

My 3 brothers are the same with my mum. Ring for functional reasons unless my mum keeps the relationship going off her own back by arranging things.

I ring my mum all the time for general chit chat about a good box set, drama with work, how she’s been etc.

The only men I know who do this are ND, gay or still live at home.

My son lives 2 hours away & messages/calls very regularly for daily chit chat. Not much i don't know about him.

My DH rings his Mum every weekend for a chat of around an hour long in the morning. He gets the DC to chat first, and then he catches up. It is very much just chatting, not for anything specific.

We live on the other side of the world from PIL, so it’s not like we can easily visit.

But I hear what you’re saying @Condescendingtwats - I very much think he is the exception that proves the rule.

I hope his modelling means DS will be like this as an adult!

As a young mother of 2 boys… I’m excited to give my take on this!

Pre kids whenever I imagined my future self with my future children I immediately thought of my kids as girls. I wonder if perhaps it is just a female thing. My partner says he always envisioned his future kids as sons so I do wonder if some men/women just envision their own gender based on… their childhood memories etc?

Any way fast forward to 2 boys later and I now cannot envision myself with a girl! I’m sure it’s wonderful having a daughter, but I too have been told to ‘keep going until you get a girl’ and honestly.. not having a daughter does not only not bother me in the slightest but in a way, kinda relieves me.

There are LOADS of little girls in our family and they seem way more independent than the boys (this might sound appealing but actually, I find the toddler girls in my family less sweet and less affectionate than the boys). And do not get my started on the teenage girls because They. Are. A. Hormonal. Nightmare… who quite frankly have aged their worried, stressed out parents by about 20 years in the last 2.

I’m sure it’s amazing, but boys are amazing too and whatever you have is an absolute blessing. But I get annoyed too, because by saying these things, people make it sound as though girls are somewhat better than boys, which is completely untrue. Your child whatever the gender is the best thing to happen to you. Fact. And as for the whole ‘boys tend to leave when their older and girls tend to stay’ to be honest, a lot of that is simply down to A. The parenting and the relationship you build with you child and B. Who your child grows up to be (which is very much linked to point A).

That’s lovely! And yes it does seem to be the exception to the rule unfortunately.

I do think it’s interesting that people on these threads always say it ‘depends what your relationship with you DIL is like’. Then go on to say to not interfere/be nice MIL. Why does should that matter? We don’t say to be nice to your son in-law and not overstep or risk your relationship with your own daughter . The daughter/parent relationship is seen as an independent relationship regardless of partners/marriage. Yet the son/parent relationship dependant on who they marry.
As though men can’t have those close relationships with his parents independent from his wife, yet his wife can with her own parents.