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Original poster

Why are so many women so obsessed with having girls?

254 replies

TreacsPotNoodle · 24/10/2022 16:12

(Not all women of course.)

But it seems to be so common that pregnant women are desperate for a baby girl! Why is this?!

3 of my friends who had babies around the same time as me were so disappointed to find out they were having boys and have made a point to "keep trying until they have a girl"

I'm not trying to be goady I just genuinely cannot think of why baby girls are so favoured over baby boys?

OP posts:
SirSamVimesCityWatch · 24/10/2022 16:30

I can barely be bothered to dress myself, let alone my daughters! No narcissism here.

magma32 · 24/10/2022 16:30

In my culture/community boys are still favoured in the most disgusting ways so I’m not complaining.
Many people happily abort girls in this day and age as opposed to burying them alive as they did many years ago because of the burden they would have brought but still can’t shake off their bias. Wanting girls is hardly going to make the world a worse place unlike the gender bias that favours boys unless of course you want a girl so she does your care for you and domestic crap and keeps you company while the boy gets away with it and has his own life (as so many who claim to love girls but then you realise they want a girl so she behaves like a girl is meant to -for their benefit!) are girls closer because they’re conditioned that way or is it nature I wonder? Conditioning a girl to behave how you want her to is obviously problem but wanting a girl itself isn’t a bad thing, as long as the boy is still loved.
People manage to have gender disappointment and still manage to love their kid properly.
Ofcourse there are exceptions but I only really see mistreatment of unwanted girls as boys are hardly ever truly unwanted so I guess I’m biased myself.

Daydreamer12345 · 24/10/2022 16:31

Duttercup · 24/10/2022 16:29

I've never seen a thread hammering men for wanting sons but "narcissistic mini-me women" comes up so often.

Just going to say the same.

Some disappointing responses on this thread.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Duttercup · 24/10/2022 16:32

And FWIW it's worth, I wanted a girl because there's just too many men. They're everywhere and they're incredibly annoying. The world needs more women.

Quirkyme · 24/10/2022 16:34

Hmm interesting some of the superficial conclusions people have shared here for why women want girls.

I came from a family of girls, just my sis and I and our parents, and I quite like it, and the family unit as it was having two girls. Hence why I've leaned more towards wanting two daughters.

Nothing to do with wanting dolls and dressing them up LOL.

Sometimes we want to replicate positives from our lives. Just how some people want big families/ small families - I also want two children, having come from a family unit of 4, for example.

SweetyGreen · 24/10/2022 16:34

For me, basically the same as the teacher upthread said. Chances of them being twat much lower.

Donatellaa · 24/10/2022 16:35

I didn't want a girl because the world is still not good for girls and women however since I had a DD she is wonderful and I'm so lucky to have her. I can now imagine mums of sons will come and say how hostile the world is to boys. It's not a competition, just my own personal experience coming from a hugely sexist culture I was worried for her sake but glad to be raising her here, even with all the issues that need working on it's still better than raising her 'back home'.
I think wanting girls is a Western and dare I say white thing. I wish it was more popular attitude in the East.

Clariana · 24/10/2022 16:37

Yes, I wonder this and I have to say I can only conclude it is because they are selfish unfortunately. After all we know that men / boys have more advantages in life, so why wouldn't you want the best for your child, and not what is best for you? I want the best for my child, so I want them to be male!

GlitteryGreen · 24/10/2022 16:40

Creamypumpkinsoup · 24/10/2022 16:16

I think you’ll get lots of replies about wanting pink and princesses. Maybe that is the case for some women, but I think it’s more about wanting another female in the family, to relate to, in some ways it’s almost like giving birth to yourself and guiding your way through life and putting the bad stuff right. Of course it’s not like that, but it’s still a desire even if you know that desire isn’t rational.

Agree with this. Also being a woman, I think raising a girl just feels more like a known path. You feel like know the important things that crop up and what she needs to learn along the way. It just feel more familiar, or it does to me anyway.

CantFindTheBeat · 24/10/2022 16:40

I don't know why, but I've noticed it too, OP.

My children are grown up now, but when I was planning and having children, almost all men in my circle wanted a boy first.

It does seem different now, but maybe that's because we are seeing it through a social media lens?

Could it be that the more prolific social media over-sharers are women, and tend to want a girl too?

Donatellaa · 24/10/2022 16:41

I mentioned that daughters tend to be close to family and what I meant, here in European cultures... in the East it's different. Boys are favoured and his wife will become the carer of her husband's parents.

Their own daughter will care for her husband's parents. She wouldn't see her parents as much as now her loyalty is expected to be to her husband's side of the family to serve them and look after them while her own parents are served and cared for by her brother's wife.

It's all very strange. But it's a system that has been there for centuries. I'm really glad I'm in the UK and raising a daughter here, warts and all it's still better than where I was raised.

magicravioli · 24/10/2022 16:42

I am currently pregnant with a boy, and I can’t count the number of people who were clearly shocked and disappointed that it wasn’t a girl. Almost every single one of my close friends has said “oh…!” and clearly have found it hard to be enthusiastic for me. The only question they have is “and how do YOU feel about that, I’m sure you wanted a girl”. My sister keeps on saying “wow it’s a boy… what will you do with him”. Even acquaintances at work/strangers (eg the pharmacist!) have almost all said “good luck! They have so much energy and are feral. They’re exhausting oh and watch out for the willy when you’re changing their nappy”. I have had exactly one friend be genuinely happy and excited for me.

Apart from my one friend, no one has said congratulations or how happy they are for me that he’s a boy. It makes it very difficult for me to feel 100% excited - I come from a girly family so getting used to the idea of a boy took a little while. I had some of the fears people
mention above (eg what if he’s not close to me when he’s older), but every time I get excited, someone else is disappointed on my behalf that he isn’t a girl. I spoke to a girlfriend about this, and she said “don’t worry, you might have a girl next time”. So it’s not just prospective mothers who only want a girl, it seems to be absolutely everyone around them too, and it’s draining. I wish people would just be thrilled for me, but it feels like that is an impossible ask 🙁

Enko · 24/10/2022 16:42

I wanted a girl. I'm quite girly myself and I could. Not imagine having a boy and doing boy things. I got my girl. And later 2 more and also a boy

They are 18 -24. And I am by far the closest to the boy. I love my girls to pieces enjoy their company admire their zest for life. Their strengths.. but ds is the most alike me and I just find his company so easy and so straightforward. I learned to do boy things 😄 (and oh was he a stereo typical boy - the girls less so) and I enjoyed it and I had fun with it..

Looking back iwas raised by a single mum. With many strong females in my family. Very few men i were close to my dad was almost out of my life. I simply did not get how to relate to a boy. (I still don't always w dh after 26 years of marriage 😄)

But I learned and I am so thrilled I got that chance. Ds is amazing. (So is his sisters its not a gender thing)

Enko · 24/10/2022 16:45

I will here add I wanted a bit but had dd1 been a boy I would not have had gender disappointment it was simply a preference not a absolute and I got VERY annoyed after ds (no 3) when people said well you got your boy you can stop now...

Actually I just wanted a healthy baby either gender was good w me.

magma32 · 24/10/2022 16:46

@Donatellaa
i’m born and raised here but my parents are many other first generation immigrants couldn’t help but bring their cultural baggage here. In some communities it’s alive and well but thank fully those brought up here, especially many women have a fuck off attitude to the sexism and won’t tolerate it for their own daughters but of course you get many of this generations still carrying a subtle form a gender bias towards boys, where they condition them differently but on the surface they will say they love their girls and treat them equally but their expectations are different and that’s a subtle thing.

pinkpotatoez · 24/10/2022 16:49

I wanted a girl as I had a better idea of how to raise one, the problems she may face, puberty etc. I'm having a boy and I'm excited but I can't relate to some of the problems/ puberty issues he may have growing up so his dad will step in. I think it's just what I know - all girl family so it's different for me

magma32 · 24/10/2022 16:51

I also wanted a boy which I got but then had a girl I was worried but I’m raising her as a feminist as am I, now I’m expecting again I wanted another girl so she has a side kick but it’s a boy but I have got over it and he will be loved just like the other two! But yes I can’t see it changing in the east because of the limits placed on women their earning capability so they are essentially seen as commodities passed from parents to in laws to procreate as there isn’t much value to them because of the way the societies operate there. Over here women can earn and do the same as men, I’m sure it was the same a couple hundred years ago over here too judging from what my white British friends have told me about how things we for them even in the 70’s.

WeAreAllDead · 24/10/2022 16:51

I don’t know. I’ve got 3DDs and my friends who have all boys have all made the oddest comments to me about it over the years, as if because they’re female they’re somehow extensions of me/therefore are closer to me?

Donatellaa · 24/10/2022 16:51

@magma32 yes definitely. I saw this growing up with my own family, boys were favoured and spoilt and I really try to check myself for biase with my own DC. I think it helps that my DH is white British who grew up in a family where boys and girls were treated equally... (I realise western families can hold sexist views too)

pinkpotatoez · 24/10/2022 16:52

Also class my own mum as one of my best friends in life & I would be lying if I said I didn't want the same relationship with a daughter (although not guaranteed)

CarefreeMe · 24/10/2022 16:52

I always thought it was the opposite!

All of the females I know (including myself) wanted a boy and some were disappointed to be having a girl.

LyndaLaHughes · 24/10/2022 16:53

My goodness the responses on here- "narcissistic", "selfish" and "wanting mini-mes". Nasty judgemental nonsense. What a horrible thread.
Most people want a healthy baby and if they have a preference- so what? It makes no difference when the child comes when everyone is delighted to have a baby. If a woman prefers to have a girl for reasons of feeling more comfortable and familiar with that role- so what? It makes sense. Doesn't mean they would love a boy any less or be disappointed. It's human nature to look for the familiar.

idiotmagnet · 24/10/2022 16:53

magicravioli · 24/10/2022 16:42

I am currently pregnant with a boy, and I can’t count the number of people who were clearly shocked and disappointed that it wasn’t a girl. Almost every single one of my close friends has said “oh…!” and clearly have found it hard to be enthusiastic for me. The only question they have is “and how do YOU feel about that, I’m sure you wanted a girl”. My sister keeps on saying “wow it’s a boy… what will you do with him”. Even acquaintances at work/strangers (eg the pharmacist!) have almost all said “good luck! They have so much energy and are feral. They’re exhausting oh and watch out for the willy when you’re changing their nappy”. I have had exactly one friend be genuinely happy and excited for me.

Apart from my one friend, no one has said congratulations or how happy they are for me that he’s a boy. It makes it very difficult for me to feel 100% excited - I come from a girly family so getting used to the idea of a boy took a little while. I had some of the fears people
mention above (eg what if he’s not close to me when he’s older), but every time I get excited, someone else is disappointed on my behalf that he isn’t a girl. I spoke to a girlfriend about this, and she said “don’t worry, you might have a girl next time”. So it’s not just prospective mothers who only want a girl, it seems to be absolutely everyone around them too, and it’s draining. I wish people would just be thrilled for me, but it feels like that is an impossible ask 🙁

I had a girl first and assumed I'd have a second one (family of girls). Saw evidence to the contrary at the scan and was disappointed. As soon as he was born I doted on him. He's been much easier than his sister in many ways - energetic, yes, but not unruly. They just need lots of running around time. I'm just as close to him as I am to his sister, and they are very close too. Boys are great.

Jalepenojello · 24/10/2022 16:53

Because my mum is my best friend and I don’t see many men with that type of relationship with their mum.

That’s very black and white though and somewhat surpassing the fact your relationship with your mum is entirely different to that of being a mother to your daughter. In a healthy parenting relationship it will always be somewhat one sided I feel. My mum is my everything but it’s easy for me to forget she has never ever made me feel responsible for her emotional well being and I’ve never been an emotional outlet for her. That’s not to say we don’t talking about everything but the expectations are different I think, when you are the one who becomes a mother.

RedWingBoots · 24/10/2022 16:54

I had a slight preference for a girl because the tragic deaths in my family before I got pregnant were young men and I didn't want people saying superstitious crap about my baby.

Other than that I didn't care as I know all children are different. I know adult sons who are closer to their parents than their sisters.