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Original poster

Is this the new thing re parties and weddings.

232 replies

Cookiemonstersnana · 17/10/2022 12:16

Last week we received a wedding invitation for the end of January.
On the invite it's asking us to pay for our food. £100 each. It's worded
as though they are doing us a favour as it's only £200. Plus asking us for
money for their honeymoon.

Then in the post this morning is an invite to a significant birthday for one of DHs
friends and this says there won't be a buffet but there will be a van outside where
we can BUY a pizza.
Both of these events is where we purchase our own drinks.

OP posts:

antelopevalley · 17/10/2022 15:40

I would be fine with the birthday thing. Presumably you can eat before you go out for a drink?
The wedding is a piss take and I would decline.

Wexone · 17/10/2022 15:41

It's just ridiculous that the bride and groom are expected to pay for everything. We're in a day and age now where often financial help from the family is not available.
How is it ridiculous please tell me? I have just got married, i wanted the day i had and i saved up for it, we both paid for the wedding we wanted and did not ask our guests to contribute a penny towards it. IF YOU CANT AFFORD IT DONT DO IT. You can have a wedding that suits any type of budget
The wedding one is a big fat no way from me so cheeky from the bride and groom point of view and hopefully they see this and hang their heads in shame, though i say they will get a shock with the amount of RSVP's that are no
With regards to the party i am on the fence and would like to know more detail. Me personally couldn't do it, as someone said above i couldn't arrange a party without providing food and drink at it and would be mortified if my guests left saying they didn't get enough food or drink. For himself 40th we had a huge party and i got local caterers o make a curry, casserole, salads along with dessert plus bough loads of wine and beer - To me that's what a party should be

SiobhanSharpe · 17/10/2022 15:42

The last couple of big events we went to, food was provided - one wedding, one significant birthday. But at both, food ran out and we didn't have nearly enough to eat.
This is not great for guests who don't descend on the buffet table from the get-go but prefer to wait a bit until the queue has subsided. At another wedding platters of roast meat, potatoes and veg were placed on each table, very nice, but not nearly enough for the numbers seated.

So, it may be unfortunate in those circumstances but if I had actually paid for my food and there wasn't enough I would be fairly annoyed. (Hint - understatement). It might even be mentioned.
IME wedding and party caterers can under-cater quite significantly, reckoning on giving the wedding party or birthday family generous servings but scrimping on everyone else or not topping up buffet dishes sufficiently.
So I too would probably decline such a wedding invitation. And for those thinking of doing this -- people will remember the lack of food at a wedding and doubly so if they've paid for it, believe me.
The pizza van or similar is not so bad, it's not compulsory and at least you'd be getting what you paid for!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings

Colderthanever · 17/10/2022 15:46

Op to be fair you’ve not been hugely clear. The 100 each for food, what does this include. Is it just the wedding breakfast? Or is it the breakfast, canapés, evening buffet, maybe breakfast the next morning, or dinner the night before if staying over?

Essexexile · 17/10/2022 15:50

We’re holding a party for a significant birthday next year and if we told our guests they’d have to pay for their food, we wouldn’t have many, if any there. We will be putting a good amount of cash behind the bar so drinks will be free until it runs out and food, for free, will be provided. DH wont even want gifts never mind ask for anything particular.

I’ve absolutely never heard of being asked to pay for food at a wedding and I don’t think me & DH would actually attend one, that’s cheeky and rude.

Benjispruce4 · 17/10/2022 15:52

Tha party van is fine as that’s optional and I would t expect feeding at an evening party as I’d eat before I went. The wedding however is different as you are there all day and will need a meal. They obviously don’t want many wedding guests.

XAQ · 17/10/2022 15:54

Party invite I can't get up tight about but the wedding ones a cheeky fuckers.

Glad you declined. I'd love to know the wording.

bewarethetides · 17/10/2022 15:57

Wedding invite is clearly a complete piss take. No way you'll be served a £100 meal; they're clearly hoping to subsidise a wedding they can't afford.

Declining was the right thing to do; imagine a lot of invited guests will do the same.

hugefanofcheese · 17/10/2022 15:57

I think it's the scale of the request. I'd be happy to pay for my own drinks and a pizza. That would be just the same as being invited to a restaurant for a bday. I could alternatively eat first.

£100 is a lot though and I'd be feeling that if they want such an expensive wedding meal then they should pay for it, or accept somewhere much cheaper.

Essexexile · 17/10/2022 15:59

To add, we will be providing food for our guests and there’s no way we’d charge them.

Oliverfunyuns · 17/10/2022 16:03

I haven't seen that, and I wouldn't attend, either. If you can't host people with a meal, you either invite fewer people or have the type of wedding where a meal isn't provided. There are other options. I can't imagine asking people to pay for their own (expensive, over-priced) food and give money as a gift at a wedding (or any other party).

Goldencarp · 17/10/2022 16:10

PortiasBiscuit · 17/10/2022 13:40

You should have the wedding you can afford. If you can’t pay for it, don’t organise it.
Surely you can feed everyone at £100ph, instead of going for the £200 option and making guests pay half?

It’s not paying half. It’s £100 per head so she’s saying “it’s only £200” meaning for the two of them.

Goldencarp · 17/10/2022 16:12

Colderthanever · 17/10/2022 15:46

It doesn’t matter what it includes. Asking guests to pay for themselves at a wedding isn’t on.

WizardOfUK · 17/10/2022 16:16

Cheeky buggers, not it's not normal

I got married 14 years ago and the meal was in a hotel, it cost £40 a head, has it really give up that much?

WizardOfUK · 17/10/2022 16:16

Gone not give

Moonlightdust · 17/10/2022 16:21

Colderthanever · 17/10/2022 15:04

How come? Do you only go for the food and drink. Not the socialising?

Show quote history

It was nice to socialise we didn’t know too many people. It was just it had been hyped up as this swanky glamorous event when in all reality it was a food van outside a village hall. Would’ve been better if it was downplayed & there were no expectations of drink/food as realise catering for a large group is pricey!

Titsflyingsouth · 17/10/2022 16:21

Wow...

So if you are a couple attending with 2 kids, you have to spend £400 before you even factor in outfits, travel, gifts etc. Insane!

Completely fine not to fund the bar. Totally out of order not to feed your guests!

Dixiechickonhols · 17/10/2022 16:30

I’d love a wedding update if you hear on grapevine Op if people have paid up or declined. I’d imagine a lot of declines.

Dannn · 17/10/2022 16:34

I wouldn’t go to the wedding. Party fine and would go if it was someone I cared about.

BogRollBOGOF · 17/10/2022 16:35

I've happily paid for a meal at a restaurant following a low-key "shotgun" wedding. Normal restaurant prices, choice of food, couple didn't have time to save up and had other priorities ahead. That kind of situation is fair enough.

This is the worst of both worlds though. At £100, either you're covering the full guest cost at a mid-price wedding or if that is just food, their expectations are woefully out of line. Mass served event food does not tend come out as the same quality of restaurant food because of the logistics of getting food to the table. There isn't the choice that you would have at a restaurant either. A cash bar is fine, but guests should have a certain level of refreshments provided.

I'm fine with cash as a gift, for many couples it is most practical, but asking on top of paying to attend the wedding in addition to the usual costs is the height of chèeky fuckery.

A food van at a house party is the worst of both worlds too.

ThatBliddyWoman · 17/10/2022 16:47

If I was paying £100 a head for a meal it would be my choice of venue and food. CFs. I wonder how many will turn that down!
Pizza van birthday, meh. Eat beforehand if you don't want to use that. But it's a bit odd to even have one at all, just invite people for drinks if you can't afford to feed them!

ThatBliddyWoman · 17/10/2022 16:50

As an aside I know a group of friends through work who all chipped in for someones wedding meal when the B&G wanted a sit down meal but were voicing that they couldn't afford one. I thought that was quite sweet and nice.. very different though. And no OP, not the norm at all!

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 17/10/2022 16:58

I went to a wedding night do and there was a hideous burger van

No buffet and about 70 extra evening guests

We just left it was hideous and looked filthy

If people can't afford to host a reception/ party they shouldn't expect their guests to foot the bill!!!!!

AnApparitionQuipped · 17/10/2022 17:03

pinkyredrose · 17/10/2022 15:21

Also, let's say the food/service is bad. If the guests have paid the bride and groom, then the venue won't necessarily give refunds to guests or remedy any issues?!

Good point

The venue's contract will be with the bride and groom, so dissatisfied guests would have no recourse at all.

Colderthanever · 17/10/2022 17:03