Is this the new thing re parties and weddings.

[Cookiemonstersnana]

Last week we received a wedding invitation for the end of January.
On the invite it's asking us to pay for our food. £100 each. It's worded
as though they are doing us a favour as it's only £200. Plus asking us for
money for their honeymoon.

Then in the post this morning is an invite to a significant birthday for one of DHs
friends and this says there won't be a buffet but there will be a van outside where
we can BUY a pizza.
Both of these events is where we purchase our own drinks.

In our culture, we provide the guests with all food and drink for the entirety of the event. This may run over 2-3 days. However, guests also bring generous cash gifts. Think a minimum of 250-350 euros.

Just reread and see birthday party and wedding is both buy your own drinks and pay for own food - no, wouldnt go to either, really cheeky not to provide anything at all for your guests. Whats with people nowdays? Id be embarassed to invite people and demand they pay for everything! CF deluxe..

Wedding no.
Party yes if he really wants to go but eat before you go, is one of his friends friend running the pizza van

Would love Granny to decline paying and get her Tupperware and flask out.

Oh, I would SO love to do that

I know times are hard but I wouldn’t dream of asking guests to pay for their own food (let alone £100 a head!) Even a bring and share buffet is better!

Expecting your wedding guests to pay for their own meal at a £100 per head is tacky and in very poor taste. Weddings don’t come cheap, currently arranging one for son - £130 for reception drinks, canopies, 4 course meal with wine and a glass of bubbly to toast. Venue hire of around £7k in addition, plus music all on top.

Certainly won’t be asking any guests to contribute. If you can’t afford the fancy venue, cut your cloth and find something you can.

Plain rude in my opinion. I wouldn't be attending. Just send them a card to say congratulation on the big day when it arrives.

An x friend had a wedding costing £150k, yes you read that right. We had to pay to stay overnight, (fair enough) buy our own drinks, there was no buffet in the evening despite the main meal being early afternoon and being the tiniest portions ever, plus we gave a decent monetary donation to their honeymoon. We never even got a thank you card. Money can't buy class!

I agree that it's very strange and I wouldn't do it, but at least they have been upfront about how it works, and you know exactly what you'd have to pay if you choose to go. Could be worse.

Not sure how I'd feel if I were a family member or very close friend who was expected to attend the wedding, where a refusal might give offence.

How come? Do you only go for the food and drink. Not the socialising?

Christ that's really tacky. I'd have loved an extravagant wedding -who knew I could have just charged my guests to come?!

Having said that I don't understand the desperation/lengths people are willing to go to get an insta wedding. Dh and I married young when we were "poor" (13 yr anniversary today actually!) and the fact that we had a modest affair is actually quite quaint. It's nice to look back that we started our married life poor and in love which was all we needed and now we can look back and see how far we've come in every way through being a great team.

Also, let's say the food/service is bad. If the guests have paid the bride and groom, then the venue won't necessarily give refunds to guests or remedy any issues?!

This!

The wedding would be a big no from me, it’s bad enough when a wedding is at such an expensive venue that the drinks are ridiculously expensive (still not forgotten paying £1.50 for a lime and soda at a wedding in the early 90’s, chose that expecting it to be cheap, was paying about 20p everywhere else). Wedding food is usually
It seems reasonable for a birthday party, I’m presuming they’re hiring a venue, decorating, paying for a band or DJ, I’d be expecting to drink and dance but not necessarily eat. It seems a good compromise and at least you know the score, rather than wondering if it’s going to be crisps and peanuts or a big buffet (and inevitably misjudging and either starving or overeating).

Should say… wedding food is usually rubbish.

i have attended one before - simple wedding at regisry office with cake and punch nearby after.
Then onto a local pub for lunch if you wanted - meal £10 (set choice, few options, circulated in advance) plus buy own drinks. All done by 3pm. that was fine. and of course no obligation to attend the lunch, you could have left after the cermemony.

I think with this one, there is no option. So i'd just decline. I MAY be happy to attend a - come to wedding then onto another restuarant - a fancy smanzy one where i could pick my own food choices - but then it would be - do i like that place anyway and is it fine to just attend the ceremony and not pay part. Thats maybe acceptable.

Good point about complaints. If the food is sparse or cold at a wedding you usually politely ignore. If you’ve paid £100 then you will get people complaining and maybe wanting a refund.

@DWMoosmum No I couldn't have 'read that right' £150k One. Five. Zero. Kay😱

You are unreasonable to complain about expenses. It was obviously an invite to the greatest example of romance ever. It would have to be, to justify spending that much. Unless they're very well set up people?

Sounds like they want to charge you for attending their wedding, so they can profit from it and have you pay for their honeymoon as well. I would not go, they have a cheek.

Oof. What did the £150K buy?

Also, let's say the food/service is bad. If the guests have paid the bride and groom, then the venue won't necessarily give refunds to guests or remedy any issues?!

Good point

No definitely not normal and I wouldn’t attend to be honest. Especially at £100 per head!

I’ve been to a fair few weddings and never paid for food. Drinks for the evening yes but not food. At our wedding drink was included in the afternoon and there was an amount behind the bar so everyone could have a couple of drinks on us.

I'd be happy with the birthday but the wedding is a piss take. Well done for turning it down!

It sounds like the £100ph covers the whole wedding pp, and they are trying to cover the cost via guests

The same thought occurred to me; it's entirely possible to spend £100 on a wedding meal, but with a B&G whose priority seems to be what they can get others to pay for I somehow doubt that the guests' enjoyment ranks high

As said though, it's only a matter of time until the idea spreads

How can you invite people to weddings/christenings/funerals or any function for that matter and not feed and water them ? Here in Scotland you wousome people haveld never be forgiven and would be talked about for generations to come. What a bloody cheek

Lol unbelievable - I didnt know you could charge for wedding good! Fortunately we haven't been at the receiving end of one of those. Re gifts - we put down that gifts weren't necessary but added links to 4 charities we support and suggested donating if people felt strongly. When I originally moved to the UK for university I was suprised about having to pay when invited for someone else's birthday meal but soon came to realise it's usually the norm. Where I'm grew up, if you organise a birthday meal and invite people, you usually pay for the meal!