DP doesn't brush his teeth

[permanentgiraffe]

My fiancé rarely brushes his teeth. I brush mine twice a day morning and night. I think the last time he brushed his teeth was Tuesday morning or maybe even before then! He also rarely showers. He wipes his nose with his hand and not a tissue. If I prompt him to brush his teeth he sighs and gets annoyed. It's disgusting. He is lucky that he doesn't get bad breath.

He is great in every other way - very kind, caring, has a good job etc. He does his fair share of the work in the house although he is incredibly messy.

I have spoken to him before and said it is very disrespectful to me that he doesn't take care of his hygiene. I've said I deserve better. He said he isn't doing it to be disrespectful. He improved for a few days and he's slipped back into his bad habits.

Why am I marrying this absolute creature? As above, apart from the hygiene issue he is great in all other ways.

How often does he go to the dentist?

Did he live with his mother before moving in with you?
Whose house are you living in?
When you say rarely showers what do you mean exactly?

How did you even get through the first few dates? Absolutely grim.

Ewwwww just no 🤮

I'm reaching, but...sensory issues?

I definitely would not marry him, I could not be with a dirty person 100% this would put me off.
I have no idea why anyone would want to be this disgusting. X

I'm sorry but I am a bit bossy when it comes to cleanliness, when I was cleaning my teeth I'd call him in and say now do yours and I'd run him a bath every night. I know you shouldn't have to treat him like a child but he's behaving like one.
If he didn't improve he'd be gone.
Can't stand soapy people. X

Vile. All of his good qualities don’t make up for this nastiness. I wouldn’t be able to kiss him or let him touch me with Gm his snotty hands. Or lay next to him either. Yuck 🤮

Has he said why?
I'm just thinking could it be a sensory issue if he's autistic or has ADHD? Something like that? Does he not like the feeling of brushing teeth and showering etc?

Or is it that he can't be bothered?

Also I wouldn't show him this thread as I imagine it will be very shaming. And although that might make him change his behaviour briefly, it will only be temporary and through feeling ashamed.

@LaDamaDeElche I was actually wondering about neurodiversity too - there are lots of conditions like ADHD, autism, sensory processing disorder that actually make it much more difficult to cope with activities like showering and brushing teeth.

And it's a relevant question to ask because if neurodiversity is at the root, then the solutions will be different than those for someone who's just being lazy.

I'm autistic and have ADHD and I have two autistic DC. Showering/brushing teeth is something they find really, really hard - and they're nearly 13 years old.

It's a good question to ask, and if it's not applicable here, then fine. But it was definitely worth checking, even if people without any knowledge of neurodiversity don't understand why.

Doesn't sound like he gets soapy very often.

Sounds like my ex-husband. and he why I didn't want to have sex with him ...

He's had to have teeth removed due to them being rotten and he has not got bad breath? Come on!!!!

Soapy? It's a lack of soap, surely?

😂😂😂

Im astonished that the OP continued dating this filthy slob after he revealed all this.
And accepted his marriage proposal!!!

What a catch 😆

SpidersAreShitheads Thank you 😊 Some people just jumped on me for absolutely no reason.

Rank !!

can you brush /shower together to encourage him

he must smell

I genuinely believe this is due to lack of parenting when he was a child. My step children are exactly the same because their mum has never prompted them to brush teeth or wash right from when they were little so they never formed the habit. If I were you, I would just mother him for a bit. Remind him morning and night to brush his teeth until the habit is formed. Don’t give up on him yet, he needs help.

Oh dear. Take it from all of us: things like never get better after marriage. I’d seriously consider leaving him, before kids are involved.

It can take weeks to form a new habit so if you want him to change then you need to remind him every day for weeks. You shouldn't have to really because his parents should have taught him personal hygiene but not everyone is lucky enough to have parents that care or that were taught good personal hygiene themselves in order to pass it on.

My parents don't brush their teeth. They're in their 50s and only have a few teeth left now. Growing up, they didn't teach me good oral hygiene because they didn't do it themselves. I was nearly 20 before I started brushing and flossing properly but I know other people who just carried on as they were. New habits are hard to form when you've spent your whole life doing it a different way.

If you love him and want to stay with him, which it sounds like you do, then it's gonna require a bit of work and some regular reminders until that habit is formed.

Genuinely, you MUST have a lack of smell. Because he will absolutely STINK. Basic hygiene is a must and non negotiable in my opinion!

If he's like this now, just you wait until you get married and he stops trying at all.

This man will give you gum disease (can be passed by kissing) and your own teeth will soon be at risk. You need to bin him, OP!