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Original poster

DP doesn't brush his teeth

242 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/10/2022 12:04

My fiancé rarely brushes his teeth. I brush mine twice a day morning and night. I think the last time he brushed his teeth was Tuesday morning or maybe even before then! He also rarely showers. He wipes his nose with his hand and not a tissue. If I prompt him to brush his teeth he sighs and gets annoyed. It's disgusting. He is lucky that he doesn't get bad breath.

He is great in every other way - very kind, caring, has a good job etc. He does his fair share of the work in the house although he is incredibly messy.

I have spoken to him before and said it is very disrespectful to me that he doesn't take care of his hygiene. I've said I deserve better. He said he isn't doing it to be disrespectful. He improved for a few days and he's slipped back into his bad habits.

Why am I marrying this absolute creature? As above, apart from the hygiene issue he is great in all other ways.

OP posts:
slowquickstep · 17/10/2022 10:43

And you are marrying him why ?

Only4nomore · 17/10/2022 10:45

Does he have possible ADHD? These things are commonly linked and he honestly will be trying and it is not laziness look into this as it sounds very possible.

pyjamafashionista · 17/10/2022 10:47

His teeth must feel so furry and gross 🤢 if he can't devote any time to his own basic personal hygiene, this would be incredibly off putting to me. Being kind/caring etc only goes so far.
Maybe sit down and explain this really is a deal breaker for you. If he can't do this for himself and the relationship I think I'd be getting out pretty sharpish!

Thatboymum · 17/10/2022 10:48

Yuck my ex was like a child in that I’d always have to say have you brushed your teeth go and brush them, he was disgusting he had a beard too and bits of food would always fall in it and that combined with the no teeth brushing was a deal breaker for me , he’s also leave tooth picks lying about with food he had picked out BOAK everytime he’d want to kiss me I’d look at the beard think about the teeth and my insides would die off 🤢 he’s long gone now

Buggersticks · 17/10/2022 10:50

Absolute no no. Its only set to get worse as he gets older. Make him clean up his act, or move on.

Rosehugger · 17/10/2022 11:00

DH has phases of this. I think it's when he's depressed/stressed. Obviously I don't go near him so that is also an incentive to sort it out. Most of the time he is clean!

Rosehugger · 17/10/2022 11:03

We have been together 22 years and it hasn't got worse as he has got older, but it hasn't gone away completely.

DangerousAlchemy · 17/10/2022 11:10

Worthyornot · 14/10/2022 12:32

Op you must be clearly desperate to want to be with such a slob. Would you be happy for your future kids to turn out like him, because he is providing the example. He can be the nicest person on earth but that doesn't stop him being revolting.

Yeah if you have kids together will he bother cleaning their teeth or giving them a bath if you are away/out for the day? There was a family when my DD was at primary school and whole family had rotten black & yellow teeth 🤢🤢 Are his parents like this too? We didn't his Mum MAKE him do these things when he was a child?? My kids both went through smelly gross stages when they were young teenagers but obviously I MADE them have showers etc etc....

DangerousAlchemy · 17/10/2022 11:11

Shlomping1234 · 14/10/2022 14:30

Scuzzy teeth and knob cheese 🤢
What a catch!

🤣🤢🤣🤢🤣🤢🤣🤢

AsIfIWish · 17/10/2022 11:15

Hi OP. My DH was like this. I think due to lack of habit-forming behaviour from parents as a child, and also ASD.

I can't remember what I said to him at the time, but it was definitely along the lines of, that's awful, I just can't marry you if that's how you are going to be. I also wouldn't kiss him with bad breath or a suspicion of him not having done his teeth recently. At the time he was willing to change things to please me (ahh, young love!), and I had to remind him for some time, but mostly the habit has persisted in the 10 years since.

He's similar with bathing and shaving; finds it difficult to remember to do and it takes a lot of effort. His baths (we don't have a shower) have to be a set time each week or it doesn't happen. I will always refuse sex if he's not washed recently enough though. Likewise with shaving/trimming beard - if he's a mess I just can't face kissing him so he doesn't get any!

ShouldIdo · 17/10/2022 11:25

Surely you mean,

I called off my engagement as my ex-fiancé didn't shower or brush his teeth?

Duke4 · 17/10/2022 11:26

Does he realise (or care) that there is connection between poor oral hygiene and heart disease?

DWMoosmum · 17/10/2022 11:27

the real question is, what attracted you to this dirty, unwashed, unhygienic person? You must've seen the state of him before you got to know his personality!

CustardySergeant · 17/10/2022 11:27

RebeccaRose92 · 14/10/2022 13:08

Mine doesn’t even have a toothbrush

😮WTF?

Anonymous12344 · 17/10/2022 11:31

Thats complete and utter BULLSHIT!

Badbadbunny · 17/10/2022 11:31

How did you get together with him in the first place? Poor personal hygiene is a massive turn off for me. Someone like that wouldn't get a second date, probably not even a first date.

Anonymous12344 · 17/10/2022 11:31

Jeez whats it like up there?

CustardySergeant · 17/10/2022 11:32

Largethighsbadeyes · 14/10/2022 13:49

Hang on I'm confused.

If he had all his teeth removed what is there to brush??

Surely he wears dentures and they go in the cleaning fluid stuff?

She said he'd had teeth removed, she didn't say he'd had all his teeth removed.

Maiao · 17/10/2022 11:36

There is an abundance of habit forming apps, methods, rewards, books all of which he can research and implement himself, just the suggestion to mother him gives me the major ick.

Alice786 · 17/10/2022 11:37

How about you both do it together at night time before going to bed and in the morning after waking up. Hopefully it will create a daily habit as once he starts doing it regularly he will not like it when he hasn't done it.

It's a bit like with children, they need reminding and promoting until it becomes auto.

LimpBiskit · 17/10/2022 11:45

This is just basic personal care. If he can't do that, I'd worry what he would bring to a marriage.

Ragwort · 17/10/2022 11:46

This absolutely can't be real ... surely no one would have so little self respect to date someone who didn't clean their teeth or wash (unless they were an absolute slob themselves).

Tigofigo · 17/10/2022 11:49

Now I'm not in any way a clean freak but would say he needs to brush them at least once a day and shower at least 3 times a week. I struggle with executive function and have to force myself to wash and brush so I do understand why people struggle with hygiene.

Could you help him agree on and create a weekly schedule? So brush at night, and shower Mon Weds and Sat with one of them at least for washing hair? He may need to set alarms earlier on those days. Print it and stick it up in the bathroom where he can see it.

LeopardLife · 17/10/2022 11:49

Mine struggles with teeth. His parents have awful teeth so I’m guessing it just wasn’t important to them. I just remind him to brush them and he goes “oh yeah!” Then scuttles off to the bathroom.

Grrrrdarling · 17/10/2022 11:51

permanentgiraffe · 14/10/2022 12:04

My fiancé rarely brushes his teeth. I brush mine twice a day morning and night. I think the last time he brushed his teeth was Tuesday morning or maybe even before then! He also rarely showers. He wipes his nose with his hand and not a tissue. If I prompt him to brush his teeth he sighs and gets annoyed. It's disgusting. He is lucky that he doesn't get bad breath.

He is great in every other way - very kind, caring, has a good job etc. He does his fair share of the work in the house although he is incredibly messy.

I have spoken to him before and said it is very disrespectful to me that he doesn't take care of his hygiene. I've said I deserve better. He said he isn't doing it to be disrespectful. He improved for a few days and he's slipped back into his bad habits.

Why am I marrying this absolute creature? As above, apart from the hygiene issue he is great in all other ways.

Total deal breaker for me… sorry but if you are already struggling then marrying this person is not the best route to take.
We can’t change people because they are their own entities but i have simple standards & I won’t compromise on them. Bad breath & body odour are just not necessary & serious turn offs for me.