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Original poster

At what age would you leave a child alone in a cafe for an hour?

245 replies

CoveredInCobwebs · 12/10/2022 14:44

DD is nearly 9. Lately she has been asking to stay home sometimes when we are heading out as a family so she can read or draw. I'm not comfortable with that but I do feel sort of, but not entirely, comfortable with the idea of leaving her in an on-site cafe e.g. National Trust cafe while the rest of the family walks around one of the trails.
She could have either my or DH's phone - she wouldn't take the piss and would only use it if there was some sort of emergency. I don't think she is quite old enough yet but I was wondering what age people would think it was ok to do this?

OP posts:
BlueDiamondGlow · 12/10/2022 18:03

I'd maybe leave a 9 year old (if I had one) in a local cafe where I and my child know the staff well because would be confident if issue someone he could ask for help- although would ask them first and probably for no more than 20 minutes. I'm thinking if I had an urgent errand scenario. But not otherwise.

What about somewhere like a library? That seems a more suitable place to leave a 9 year old.

TrashyPanda · 12/10/2022 18:05

OP - I agree with you that she is too young.
going for a hours walk isn’t excessive and it gets her out in the fresh air.
you could always suggest that if she want more time to read, she could go to bed an hour earlier!

They gave the advice that they wouldnt expect to see an unaccompanied child in the library until arpund 14 years old

possibly the worst advice ever from a librarian.

i was a kid who loved to spend time in the library. I was going there by myself twice a week from the age of 8. I’m so glad the staff were lovely and encouraged me, not like the dragons in that posters town. Sounds like they regard kids as a nuisance.

mondaytosunday · 12/10/2022 18:05

Unless you pay for her to have food and drink and she's over 11 then no. Cafes like that are busy and you can't leave her there unsupervised and you can't take up a table.

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Ilovenotebooks · 12/10/2022 18:07

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 12/10/2022 14:51

Leaving her at home for an hour seems fine though.

At 8???😮

Hungoverandashamed · 12/10/2022 18:20

11 or 12 I think

liveforsummer · 12/10/2022 18:21

CoveredInCobwebs · 12/10/2022 17:51

I have read it, seems clear to me the OP has decided that her dd is plenty old enough to leave and just wants the MN collective to agree with her to confirm her entitlement to free childcare enforced on total strangers. I am pointing out that being so entitled does not take account of other cafe users opinions and wishes.

I don’t think you read my OP very carefully then 😂

To clear a few things up.
Of course she can come on a walk with us. We regularly climb corbetts/munros - she’s a fit and capable hiker - it’s just that sometimes she’s more tired than the rest of us at the weekend, partly because she trains quite intensively for two sports (her choice).
Yes we build in downtime for her, she just sometimes wants more than the rest of us do.
Yes she often has friends along at the weekend and yes we do lots of different activities.
DH isn’t fussed about NT properties per se but he is fussed about spending time with the rest of us! He wouldn’t particularly want to stay home.
No I wouldn’t be expecting anyone to provide her childcare! As I said upthread I’d prefer her in an on-site cafe than home because a) we’d leave for her for less time and b) we’d be physically closer to her.

Thank you to those that noticed that I wasn’t saying this was a done deal and that I actually didn’t think she was old enough yet! Thank you to those who have responded sensibly - I do like to give my kids choices and independence where possible so that’s what got me thinking about this in the first place.

Interesting that someone referenced Scotland v England. We are in Scotland and my kids have all played out in a group from age 6. Totally normal to walk home alone/go to shops from P5 and sometimes P4 with older siblings/in a group - DD is P4.

Also in Scotland and agree that it's very different in England from what I can gather from posts on here. I have 2 dc and work in a school and it's perfectly normal for some dc in p3 p3 (yr2) to walk home in some areas and by p4 most dc wound be trusted (asn aside) I don't think it's comparable though nor is it comparable to go to the shop. While I fully agree with the majority of pp's who point out your own home is far safer and I do indeed leave my 9 year old at home - she's usually with her big sister so it's a bit different but completely on her own I'd do half an hour while I popped to the supermarket, I'm not just looking at this from the safety angle. It's not going to take an hour to drink an orangina and eat a muffin so the staff will likely be pretty annoyed at a young child sitting there alone using up a table - these cafes are frequently busy, customers waiting might also be pretty annoyed. Both could potentially approach your dc and approach ane ask them to move on. The scenario is not fair on your dc, the staff or the other customers. It's just not a solution to your issue imo. You say your dh likes to spend time with family so what about some quality one on one time with dd at home and you can trade. Sounds like you do plenty as a family too anyway. My dc are busy and active too though and tbh a leisurely walk wouldn't make any difference, the idea of down time for them would be not having to get organised and ready. For fit active dc once you've gone to that effort to get up, dressed, ready, get out the actual walk wouldn't be any kind of strenuous. The idea of leaving them in the cafe just seems so bizarre to all involved.

RuthW · 12/10/2022 18:30

I's say about 14. Far older than leaving at home alone. Cafes are not child care

Original poster
CoveredInCobwebs · 12/10/2022 18:30

SillySausage81 · 12/10/2022 17:52

Same! I think I was 7 and my sister 6 the first time my mum started letting us go to the shop and play out with other children, and this was in the late 90s, not the 60s. I find it quite baffling how the social norms have moved on in (what feels to me like) such a short time.

Show quote history

Yes I was also late 90s. It has apparently changed a lot in a short space of time. I’m confused by some of the posts here though - there are regularly unattended kids in our local library, and the secondary school kids are definitely going out at lunchtime!

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 12/10/2022 18:32

I'd sooner leave her at home I think. It's a bit unfair for the cafe staff to be worrying about having a little girl on her own for an unspecified time. Having said that, mine went swimming with their mates on their own aged 8 and then congregated in the cafe there. They'd all done swimming lessons though, so the staff knew them and they were in a group.

TenoringBehind · 12/10/2022 18:35

I work in a library. We ask that parents stay with all primary school age children. Only once has a parent tried to leave a child unaccompanied and that was a pre-school age child! The mother said ‘I’ll be back soon and she’ll be no trouble’.

Boomboom22 · 12/10/2022 18:36

Only sixth form or the school has seriously inadequate safeguarding. No under 16 can leave school grounds at lunchtime!

FarmhouseLiving22 · 12/10/2022 18:36

Absolutely not! I agree with PPs - secondary school seems about right, possibly year 6

Singleandproud · 12/10/2022 18:39

My mum used to let me go to the library alone on a Saturday morning whilst she did the big shop from age 10.

QueSyrahSyrah · 12/10/2022 18:40

BigSandyBalls2015 · 12/10/2022 17:08

15 😳🤣, this place gets madder every day!

Doesn't it? I WORKED in a cafe at 15, as does my 15 year old niece now Grin

Frazzled2207 · 12/10/2022 18:41

I have a 9 yo.
not in a cafe no way
half and hour at home, yeah.

Changechangychange · 12/10/2022 18:41

Boomboom22 · 12/10/2022 18:36

Only sixth form or the school has seriously inadequate safeguarding. No under 16 can leave school grounds at lunchtime!

They do around here…

But a 13 year old going to the chicken shop with five friends for their lunch and then eating it as they walk back to school is very different to a lone 8 year old sitting in a cafe by themselves for an hour.

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/10/2022 18:42

SpanishSteps123Ole · 12/10/2022 17:58

15

@SpanishSteps123Ole

15 🤣 r u joking?!

why ?!

WeepingSomnambulist · 12/10/2022 18:45

Boomboom22 · 12/10/2022 18:36

Only sixth form or the school has seriously inadequate safeguarding. No under 16 can leave school grounds at lunchtime!

You can leave school grounds for lunch from 1st year of high school round here (scotland).
When I went to high school in a different part if scotland, you could also leave school grounds for lunch from your first day at high school.

Anything else is just ridiculous. Kids need to be allowed to grow up!

thelobsterquadrille · 12/10/2022 18:48

SpanishSteps123Ole · 12/10/2022 17:58

15

Fifteen, really?

I was walking a mile to the train station, catching a train and spending the day in the local city (and returning home again) with friends at younger than fifteen!

thelobsterquadrille · 12/10/2022 18:49

Boomboom22 · 12/10/2022 18:36

Only sixth form or the school has seriously inadequate safeguarding. No under 16 can leave school grounds at lunchtime!

They can around here. Anyone from Year 7 upwards can leave school at lunch if they like.

jennakong · 12/10/2022 19:10

QueSyrahSyrah · 12/10/2022 18:40

Doesn't it? I WORKED in a cafe at 15, as does my 15 year old niece now Grin

Show quote history

Hard to believe that girls of 13, 14 ,15 regularly sat in the houses of neighbours and looked after their children when their parents went out for the evening. Or took care of younger siblings in the holidays. And we tend to forget that the minimum school leaving age was 15 until the late eighties...

HouseBook · 12/10/2022 19:12

And we tend to forget that the minimum school leaving age was 15 until the late eighties...

It was 35 years ago, people are likely not forgetting, they just don't know.

liveforsummer · 12/10/2022 19:14

Hard to believe that girls of 13, 14 ,15 regularly sat in the houses of neighbours and looked after their children when their parents went out for the evening. Or took care of younger siblings in the holidays. And we tend to forget that the minimum school leaving age was 15 until the late eighties..

Yes in homes, which most pp's have stated is fine for slightly older dc my 12 year old does this. Still wouldn't leave her sat at the table of a cafe for an hour more for the sake of the cafe staff and other customers but still more risky for her too for a number of reasons

Nizanb · 12/10/2022 19:15

Not in public. I'd feel comfortable leaving a Year 5/6 child alone for an hour though.

Mine is in Year 2 and although I wouldn't do it because I think legally it would be an issue, I think she'd be absolutely fine for 10 mins alone if I went to the shop across the road.

Kanaloa · 12/10/2022 19:23

Ihatemyroad · 12/10/2022 17:19

Far too young to be left on her own in a cafe, even one in a very respectable, family friendly setting.

Probably 14 or 15 for me.

At 14 or 15 they’d be fine to go to a cafe in a different town if they wanted, and would presumably not have to be left in the cafe but could just stay at home. Ridiculous.