At what age would you leave a child alone in a cafe for an hour?

[CoveredInCobwebs]

DD is nearly 9. Lately she has been asking to stay home sometimes when we are heading out as a family so she can read or draw. I'm not comfortable with that but I do feel sort of, but not entirely, comfortable with the idea of leaving her in an on-site cafe e.g. National Trust cafe while the rest of the family walks around one of the trails.
She could have either my or DH's phone - she wouldn't take the piss and would only use it if there was some sort of emergency. I don't think she is quite old enough yet but I was wondering what age people would think it was ok to do this?

If you tried to leave your 8 year old at a cafe I worked in, I'd be chasing after you to give her back!

Surely no-one can possibly think this is acceptable?

I think 11, so last year primary. I was taking myself to school a few miles away on the bus at 10 but I was only allowed into town alone at 11. Why would you feel she's safer in a cafe, that's a bit odd, if she isn't old enough to be left at home alone how is she old enough to be left in a public place where there are random strangers?

I'd let my kids stay at home alone from a younger age than alone in a cafe. I've left my 8 yo at home on occasions for 10-15 mins, when popping out to pick up or drop off one of the older ones. He has a phone and knows to go and find a neighbour if there was ever any kind of emergency. I've let my older kids stay at home for up to an hour from age 9/10, and longer from age 11. Never left them alone in a public place for more than a couple of minutes until 11/12 - the age at which they started going out alone unsupervised anyway.

I think from 11/secondary school age it's a bit ridiculous to not leave them - when they're walking to and from school by themselves etc. And I don't buy any of the 'things are different to when we were kids crap either'. It's far safer now than back then, just the oversensationalism of everything in the media that blows things up. Kids are generally far more streetwise now than they used to be as well.

12 or 13 at the youngest tbh

9 probably too young but something you could do to test things out when she’s a bit older is take to a supermarket cafe while doing a shop. This is a shorter time period and you are more closely available if something comes up.

I might leave her at home for a short period such as 20 mins but would def not leave in a cafe.

“How is she old enough to be left in a place with random strangers”

I think the idea is that although the OP thinks her Dd is probably ( very nearly) old enough, and sensible enough, and bright enough to use a phone in an emergency she would prefer that ( just in case) she would actually like to rely on the kindness and observation skills of random strangers to keep her daughter safe from predators, wasps, choking hazards, over exuberant dogs with sharp teeth and lightning strikes. But so as not to worry the random strangers too much at the level responsibility she is putting on them she is going to keep their unasked for, and unpaid, role a secret.

9 is too young for either a cafe or at home.

Home alone of course, she would have to rely on the child’s own ability to deal with unforeseen circumstances…….

If she was with a friend (and they were responsible) I'd say 10 was fine to be left for a half hour or so, maybe with a juice or hot chocolate. That's the age many kids are heading to the park and walking to school without parents anyway. They have to learn how to be independent and I would have thought a National Trust cafe was quite a good place to start.

Is she in Year 4 or Year 5? It’s not uncommon for children in Year 5 to walk home from school, and I personally think that’s more risky than being sat in a cafe.

What would worry me most would be the dodgy signal at lots of NT properties, and her not being able to ring you if she did need you.

she should go on the work

everyone needs exercise

I would leave a sensible 9 year at home but probably not in a cafe. I think there are a lot more variables and encounters with random people.

DC can generally be left in the day for a few hours at home when they get to secondary school age

I think OP is having a laugh.

She's 8. The answer for some years yet has to be no, she has to come with you. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a teenager sitting in a coffee shop for an hour, but younger than that, absolutely not.

If she does too much in the week and needs more down time, then perhaps you need to cut back on weekday activities instead.

Steady on. Presumably the girl spends all week at school. Plenty of people like to chill out a bit at the weekend, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them ffs.

When she is no longer classed as a minor eg 16. Apart from that either stay home with her or basically just tell her she's going with you. She's 9!

I have read it, seems clear to me the OP has decided that her dd is plenty old enough to leave and just wants the MN collective to agree with her to confirm her entitlement to free childcare enforced on total strangers. I am pointing out that being so entitled does not take account of other cafe users opinions and wishes.

I don’t think you read my OP very carefully then 😂

To clear a few things up.
Of course she can come on a walk with us. We regularly climb corbetts/munros - she’s a fit and capable hiker - it’s just that sometimes she’s more tired than the rest of us at the weekend, partly because she trains quite intensively for two sports (her choice).
Yes we build in downtime for her, she just sometimes wants more than the rest of us do.
Yes she often has friends along at the weekend and yes we do lots of different activities.
DH isn’t fussed about NT properties per se but he is fussed about spending time with the rest of us! He wouldn’t particularly want to stay home.
No I wouldn’t be expecting anyone to provide her childcare! As I said upthread I’d prefer her in an on-site cafe than home because a) we’d leave for her for less time and b) we’d be physically closer to her.

Thank you to those that noticed that I wasn’t saying this was a done deal and that I actually didn’t think she was old enough yet! Thank you to those who have responded sensibly - I do like to give my kids choices and independence where possible so that’s what got me thinking about this in the first place.

Interesting that someone referenced Scotland v England. We are in Scotland and my kids have all played out in a group from age 6. Totally normal to walk home alone/go to shops from P5 and sometimes P4 with older siblings/in a group - DD is P4.

Same! I think I was 7 and my sister 6 the first time my mum started letting us go to the shop and play out with other children, and this was in the late 90s, not the 60s. I find it quite baffling how the social norms have moved on in (what feels to me like) such a short time.

Same - no randoms in your own house. I would not leave a 9 year old alone in a public place for an hour, to be approached by any weirdo/“concerned” member of the public.

If a stranger approached her and tried to get her to “go with them to the main reception desk because she shouldn’t be there by herself”, would your DD be confident enough to refuse to go with them? (And they might really be concerned and want her to go with them to find help - it would still be incredibly traumatic for you to get back to the cafe and discover she was gone).

Would you genuinely not leave a child alone in a cafe or at home until they were 16?

ffs

15

I’ve just read your last update - I’d be fine with a 9 year old going to the shops and probably walking home from school assuming it’s a reasonable walk and not down the side of a dual carriageway. I wouldn’t be fine with DS sitting in a cafe, visibly by himself, with no options for leaving, because it is harder for him to tell adults to leave him alone in that situation.