ADS and the winds of change

And they're off again.

Look at the thread on AIBU questioning whether we should all be wearing masks.

I voted on that thread and then I hid it but if it's the one I think, more people voted against masks than were for. So that's a little heartening.

I still haven't changed my views on mask wearing or covid in general. My mum died of covid before Christmas. She was CEV and had spent the last year 'getting on with it' - I thought my views might change after but they haven't. It was always going to be survival of the fittest in the end. I'm just glad we got some meals out and holidays in before she went. We stayed away from her with colds etc but she didn't want to stay at home all the time.

My current bugbear is work still insisting on 10 days isolation on ssp. Every time I'm reminded I can feel the anger building. I think it's the being effectively unpaid part that really gets me. I just think it's completely unacceptable. I've never had covid as far as I'm aware, nor have I had an illness that's kept me off longer than a few days in the last 20years. I don't see why with this particular one I'm being told to take 10 days with no money.

Also can't believe Picalilly is 2 (I was on these threads for ages at the time) or the size on the tortoise!

Just strolling in to share something

One of the worst Ds I knew, now an ex-friend...is now in hospital with pneumonia.

She was absolutely awful, no care whatsoever for real people, just "I can manage with my Waitrose deliveries, dahling". Acted like she'd never heard of infectious disease before. Everyone can die - if not from you know what.

When she realised I was a suicide risk, she offered a 2m meetup in the park, insisting that I be masked. I declined.

I wish her better asap.

I heard about it because her DH called and said "when she comes off oxygen, she wants to talk to you" and "would you visit her when she comes home?" I just said I was very busy at work atm.

I don't want to talk. I bear her no ill will. I just want to leave it behind. Mum was all "OMG, you must see her when she's better". Must I? There's not much left of me. I'm not sure if I have anything to spare for someone who honestly did not care if I lived or died.

You don't have to. We get one life and you decide what you do with it.

Friendships change over time anyway.

It is still a hard situation so for you.

This is going to sound harsh but you reap what you sow.

@EmmaEmerald I agree with pp. See her if you want to, but remember she wasn't there for you, so you're under no obligation.

Thanks everyone

I have felt oddly tired since hearing this so I'm going to have an early night. It's definitely hit me on some level.

ISay munch yes, I don't have to, do I, and shouldn't feel obliged.

Jennifer yes, I think I'm partly thinking that in a more "actions have consequences" way. I don't like who I've become, in some ways, but I'm so shocked by who she became, it kind of cancels out.

I understand feeling very isolated from people who were strongly Ds and not being sure about rebuilding the relationship. I've struggled with that myself. I'm not sure if I really said it in so many words even on these threads (I was a bit scared saying it would manifest it or something I think) but DH was (in my opinion, but I do know him pretty well) a suicide risk at certain points during lockdowns. I struggle with people who were supposed to care about him, including some of his own family, now. People who kept going on about being safe while I wanted to scream, "He's not safe! Can't you understand that Covid is far less likely to kill him than isolation, you idiot?!"

I try to remember that they were being influenced by a barrage of government propaganda (and I blame the governments, both UK and Welsh, far more than I blame any individual I know) but still, surely there comes a point when you're responsible to think for yourself even in the face of that propaganda?

I lost a lot of friends during those early months as whilst they were home baking banana bread and freaking out over touching door handles, I was dealing with an increase in domestic violence and child safeguarding reports. Some of which were truly horrific.

I couldn't square all these Mothers not seeming to care one iota the danger lockdowns put some people in.

I have never and will never get those friendships back, and I don't want them back.

Another one here seeing a chiropractor weekly to try and iron out the mess my posture is in from being asked to sit on my sofa and watch Netflix month after boring fucking month! And no, one walk a day did not keep me fit.

@BakingQueen14 the tortoise has just tipped over the 500 gram mark, she started out at 30grams! It's 2 years this Sunday since she arrived.

It's damaged my relationship with DM. She's seen me a handful of times in 3 years, basically because I concocted an excuse to be in the area which I have little reason to be in. She's in her 80s, and to be fair to her, had an episode of poor health at the start of 2020 so was understandably cautious early on. TBH, I think it's highly likely that she caught Covid in hospital but because it's before the official narrative, that theory has been shot down. With living at a not-convenient distance and her living in an area that didn't get much reprieve from restrictions, the window to see her legally and sensibly was very small. She's become institutionalised to being at home, her social world had shrunk and she neither wants people in her home, nor will travel. She's very fixed in her routines which don't fit with my family commitments.

We'd always had a decent relationship, but I can't see a practical way forward as she won't get the mental and physical energy back, and I am grieving for it in slow motion.

The DCs and I never saw MiL again after our late 2019 visit due to travel restrictions and then care home/ hospital as she declined. Fortunately DH got some visits in as the logistics were more practical for quick, short notice travel as a solo traveller.

I had a moment earlier where I really appreciated that this is our first normal winter in years without restrictions or fear brewing. There's certainly curveballs, but it's more natural... another child off ill from school again this week!

110Piccadilly "I try to remember that they were being influenced by a barrage of government propaganda (and I blame the governments, both UK and Welsh, far more than I blame any individual I know) but still, surely there comes a point when you're responsible to think for yourself even in the face of that propaganda?"

that's where I struggle too. Perhaps we just have to accept it's a red line? I think some people can't compute the reality of someone close to suicide.

I ignored a call from ex friend DH, then decided to block both numbers. They can think whatever they like.

I saw this today
www.standard.co.uk/news/london/covid-fine-sean-howson-green-park-facemask-b1055880.html

the fine should be dropped completely. I thought fines for meeting up were quietly dropped but hadn't thought about mask fines. I hope he can fight it further.

Bogoff do you mean she blames you for being in that other area?

@Curlygirl06 Her 2nd anniversary/birthday! Can't believe it, I remember when you first got her. It seems ages ago but no time at all at the same time.

@EmmaEmerald I wouldn't feel obligated to see your friend. As someone else said it is a case of you reap what you sow. I try very hard to maintain my friendships and I hope I've never let anyone down when they truly needed me. I don't think I have because they've been brilliant towards me lately.

@MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel I've said more than once that the amount of children who were just 'left' during those lockdowns would be huge and that it was terrifying. I was a mother who was at home baking and playing. My DS was well fed and loved that time but it disturbed me that no one apart from me saw him and no one bothered to check. We had no contact from school/doctors/anyone official for 3 months in total. For vulnerable children that was so wrong.

Unrelated to Covid and lockdowns i tried to buy a new mobile phone case this week. I live in a small market town which doesnt have much choice We have a small post office where some people have rented out an area to sell mobile phone cases. Went in there on Friday and they said they would have a phone case ready for me today (Saturday) Instead two completely different blokes were in there and one of them said he would order from the warehouse later today but then said he had to order five cases online and THEN asked for money upfront before i even get the item?! I said no and that i would be back in there on Wednesday But it was really awkward and intimidating when they asked for money upfront TWICE so im not going back. Managed to buy one elsewhere after a guy in a phone shop advised me where to go.

Guy on Friday asked for my phone no I didnt give it to him.

Well someone (obviously its impossible to know where from) worked damn hard to get the A State Of Fear threads deleted.

I was invited to the launch of that report

I haven't replied yet

tbh it's not the first related thing at Parliament which I've received an invite for

it's not just that I cba to go

it's that I don't feel anyone is really caring about this anymore, like democracy is just lip service now

the first Pmt invite I got after lockdown, I joked with family that it means I'm not on some kind of watchlist! But maybe I am...they might want to keep the dissenters on board somehow.