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I almost died in the stupidest way

495 replies

Chloefairydust · 03/10/2022 16:14

So I woke up with the worst of sore throats, and I’m the kind of person who when I come down with a cold, it literally drags on for weeks and weeks and normally leads to a chest infection.

That is until I discovered the gross but effective cure of raw garlic. I read somewhere that if you swallow a small whole raw small garlic clove with a glass of water that it cures the common cold. It actually does work as well. I have been doing this for the past couple of years.

Until this morning, and somehow this garlic clove was just the right shape to get lodged in my throat. I couldn’t breathe or swallow or make a sound. I was home alone and sooo frightened. Somehow I managed to hit my own chest with my head facing down and spat out the offending garlic. So I almost died in the stupidest of ways….

I think now on I’m going to chop the garlic into tiny pieces to cure a cold.

But thought I would warn people who might be as stupid as me not to kill yourself with garlic 🧄

If you have had a near death experience in a similarly stupid way please share to make me feel less of an idiot?

OP posts:
procrastinatingtree · 03/10/2022 16:42

😂🤣 the watering can! Sorry

isthismylifenow · 03/10/2022 16:42

MorrisZapp · 03/10/2022 16:33

I tried to curl my fringe yesterday by rolling it onto a hairbrush while I dried the rest of it. Went to take the hairbrush out and it was absolutely jammed tight, agonising to try to unroll in either direction.

It was funny to begin with but I became quite upset and panicky when I realised how fucked I was. Took nearly an hour of teasing, yanking, crying and (finally) judicious snipping to get the bastard thing off my head.

I lost an entire handful of my precious, already thinning hair. I mean I wasn't near death but come on.

I'm sorry to have had a giggle about this, but it's happened to me too. My mum thought she'd be kind and do my hair at the back for me. I don't know wtf she did with that brush, but it was stuck there solid. And I was going to a posh do (hence her trying to help me get ready) and I walked in there late, looking like Basil Brush. It was so painful and we had to resort to ripping it at times, hence chunks of hair getting ripped out at the same time.

(I hope your hair grows back in abundance after that experience)

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/10/2022 16:43

Bloody hell OP, imagine your poor DH coming home from work to that!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Badlydrawnhuman · 03/10/2022 16:44

What is a bud?

lightisnotwhite · 03/10/2022 16:45

moggerhanger · 03/10/2022 16:39

As a kid I thought it would be a terrific wheeze to put inflatable armbands on my ankles and jump into a swimming pool. Turns out that's a really, really silly idea. Thank heavens for lifeguards!

I did this too but I was in the sea at the time. Luckily I got washed into the shallows but I really didn’t think I’d be flipped up so quickly.

Sellorkeep · 03/10/2022 16:45

I had a morbid thought as I ate a whole Brazilian nut today that if I choked on it, would I make it out off my office to find a colleague to save me? I didn’t choke but I did resolve to nibble them in future.

tiddlywinks2 · 03/10/2022 16:45

landoflostcontent · 03/10/2022 16:25

I tried to mend a split in my plastic watering can by heating it over the gas hob and trying to spread the plastic to cover the split. Unfortunately the watering can must have had weedkiller or something in it because a whole sheet of flame engulfed me, the watering can, the cooker and a good deal of the kitchen. All I could think was "I cannot ring the fire brigade and tell them my watering can is on fire!"

I haven't laughed this much in so long 😂😂

pinkpotatoez · 03/10/2022 16:46

When I was young I was at a friends house. She went downstairs and I was looking on her shelf, noticed a star shaped bead. 6 year old me decided it looked tasty and put it in my mouth - started silently choking by myself in her room. Managed to claw it out my throat with my finger. I was so shaken up and had a sore throat for days - learnt my lesson!

isthismylifenow · 03/10/2022 16:46

jonesy1999 · 03/10/2022 16:38

Oh you poor thing. Was it in your wind pipe? Or the food pipe?

I almost got hit by a bud a few weeks ago. Was in the process of stepping off the kerb when I casually looked to my left just as it came whooshing by. If I'd been a few seconds quicker reaching the kerb I reckon I'd be dead. Terrifying.

Sorry but I laughed properly at this typo...

RIPWalter · 03/10/2022 16:47

darwinawards.com/

Not sure you'd even get an honorable mention for your incident OP, hope you feel better soon.

SunshineClouds1 · 03/10/2022 16:48

MarshaBradyo · 03/10/2022 16:27

Oh god you poor thing

Well done for surviving, sounds so scary

Won’t try that that’s for sure

Well done for surviving

😂😂😂

BeethovenNinth · 03/10/2022 16:48

Oh goodness! I do this garlic thing too but chop it first!!

(I have fished toast out the toaster with my fingers and electrocuted myself)

BlueBloodedBlue · 03/10/2022 16:49

Badlydrawnhuman · 03/10/2022 16:44

What is a bud?

I assume it should be bus

isthismylifenow · 03/10/2022 16:50

SunshineClouds1 · 03/10/2022 16:48

Well done for surviving

😂😂😂

I'm glad it's not just me that is finding this whole thread quite hilarious.

Sorry about everyones close shaves, but the story telling has really got me going 😂 🤭

DragonMovie · 03/10/2022 16:50

Best thread in ages 😂

Qwerkie · 03/10/2022 16:50

Badlydrawnhuman · 03/10/2022 16:44

What is a bud?

You couldn’t work it out?

Badlydrawnhuman · 03/10/2022 16:53

Qwerkie · 03/10/2022 16:50

You couldn’t work it out?

No. I thought it was a Scottish bird.

IcakethereforeIam · 03/10/2022 16:54

Badlydrawnhuman · 03/10/2022 16:44

What is a bud?

Bus. I think the pp must have a cold. They should try eating some raw garlic....no, wait!!

isthismylifenow · 03/10/2022 16:55

Badlydrawnhuman · 03/10/2022 16:53

No. I thought it was a Scottish bird.

😂😂

Choconuttolata · 03/10/2022 16:56

For future reference:

How to help yourself if choking and you are on your own.

whatdodos · 03/10/2022 16:56

Glad you're ok now how scary for you!! I once choked on my lunch at work I was scoffing it so fast. I couldn't breath or do anything either I was terrified! The worst bit was I was in a canteen full of doctors/nurses/medical staff and noone noticed 😭🤣

Whateverfuckingnext · 03/10/2022 16:57

SunshineClouds1 · 03/10/2022 16:48

Well done for surviving

😂😂😂

🤣🤣 fully laughing at that sentence!

Chloefairydust · 03/10/2022 16:57

I was wondering what a bud was but didn’t want to ask in case it was a stupid question 🤣

OP posts:
SilverLiningPlaybook · 03/10/2022 16:58

Chillis, garlic and ginger all very good antivirals. Next time crush it!

TheOrigRights · 03/10/2022 16:58

Oh you poor thing. Was it in your wind pipe? Or the food pipe?

It was her wind pipe (trachea). You wouldn't choke if food couldn't go down your food pipe (oesophagus) unless you were a horse