Terrible gifts for a middle aged, or older, woman.

[Aixellency]

Can we make a list?

I’ll start: (This is adult to adult gifts - no judgment regarding presents from children!)

Afternoon tea. Just - why? Not that I don’t like cake and afternoon G&T - but this suggestion is always wheeled out as such a treat, as if one is suddenly too old to get dressed up for a night out.

Mug with a single ‘posh’ teabag. In fact, anything someone else thinks I’ll consider posh - I’m middle aged, I’ve done posh.

Anything at all from Etsy or Not on The High Street. Anything craft-y or home made, unless specifically requested.

Anything ‘safe’ or ‘nice’.

(Please, just stick to Islay single malt, Hermes nail polish, and newly published volumes of art, cookery, fiction or poetry. Thank you.)

@Aixellency Thank you.

I’m not quite middle aged but would be happy to receive:

Long sleeved cotton pyjamas
Slippers
Cosy socks
regular socks
Warm hat/ scarf/ gloves can use with phone
Fleecy throw
theatre tickets
any kind of meal out Inc afternoon tea
spa/ massage voucher
vegan chocolate (but not plain dark chocolate)
vegan sweets
nice mug
shower gel, hand wash, face wash
cinema voucher or voucher to rent a movie
a really nice scented soya wax candle

nice vegan make up (eyeshadow palette, lip gloss, mascara etc)
vegan perfume
Mystery/ fantasy/ comedy fiction books or kindle voucher
hoodie
oodie
heated blanket
board or card games
hair bobbles
donation to animal sanctuary

not so keen on:

chunky jewellery
ornaments
photo frames
non fiction books
keyrings
plants
garden stuff
craft kits
house stuff
signs with phrases on them
alcohol (don’t drink)
pocket mirrors
card holders
tiny purses
Hair clips
body lotion

At least you got use out of it! It sounded ungrateful when I read my post back. To clarify, I always accept all gifts gratefully, and was so grateful that people thought of me, but was rubbish I couldn't benefit. The worst was my male colleague I've been very close friends with for 20 years bought me expensive champagne 🤣. I love him, but his wife probably suggested it when he was half listening. I bought him a ticket to his favourite comedian - much more acceptable! 😆

Gifts that make me think 'how old do you think I am?!' in a bad way:

• Crabtree and Evelyn smellies. I just associate them with my grandmother. Would rather have less from L'Occitane.
• clothes from M&S. Not that M&S never has anything nice (though it's rare), but it is so very, very middle-aged. Just gimme voucher the food hall.
• 'big' jewellery of the kind you used to get in East.

I personally wouldn't be terribly interested in afternoon tea (except from DP, which might be nice). I can think of loads I'd like off Etsy, but sadly no one has ever offered to buy me antique furniture, which is mostly what I want from there.

The thing I find weird (though I don't think it's an age thing) is people who buy me plants because I like gardening. It is worse than people who buy you books because you like reading - unless you know me very well, you've no idea whether or not I've read it. Or want to read it. Likewise, FFS, please do not buy me one of those naff 'three varieties on one tree!' apples that has been badly grafted and will never be a decent shape. Do not buy me a B&Q hydrangea and expect me to be delighted. I have a really specific wishlist of plants, and will shop around to get the actual ones I want. They are all different, you see.

(This is something very, very, very hard to get across to certain family members.)

Candles - loathe them
Cosmetics/toiletries/anything at all that smells. I'm allergic to nearly all of them
Fluffy socks
Joke gifts of any description
Anything plastic
Anything to hang on a wall or trinkets as I don't want any more crap in my house.
Christmas tat

I love afternoon tea!

not so keen on people buying things like clothes for me though, am v fussy

So much tat out there

Christmas tat especially

@MinnyMous
candles - loathe them
Shows how we're all different, I love candles and it's what I ask for every birthday and Christmas!

Me too- I am already dropping heavy hints for christmas, I love candles.

Now, that’s a fab idea 🙂

If I received candles and afternoon tea for every birthday and Christmas for the rest of my life, I'd be very happy 😊

You can keep bath bombs though.

Apart from Yankee candles. They look hideous and I'd assume you hated me.

Yankee candles have a huge share of the market.

I don't like them myself, but to assume someone was giving you one for negative reasons is bizarre in the extreme.

But they're vegan, so a decent choice as they're widely available. Not my first choice by any means, but I wouldn't be massively annoyed and always good for the kitchen?

I’m still struggling to understand what a Yankee candle actually is. I mean I’ve seen a website with covered candles in jars - but what is that distinguishes then from other candles and makes them so universally despised?

#Needstogetoutmore …

Bayliss and Harding Giftsets !

Best present ever (some random middle-aged woman told me) was her dh paying for a team of people to come and clean the house (everything, inc. windows, oven, inside kitchen cupboards etc.) shortly before Christmas, when she was expecting guests to stay, was working F/T and run ragged anyway.

I LOVE this!

OP if you're into candles they're the equivalent of McDonald's compared to, say, a local, independent, organic cafe. They're mass produced, use synthetic scent and everywhere. Many 'candle' folk like local or organic or natural oils or soy or hand-made or small batch or just different than others!

Sometimes McDonald's is okay: widely available, tasty, and most folk would have one sometimes.

And, like I said, YC are vegan (sometimes hard to find, especially of time constraints).

I order my favourite candles from a family-run company in Cornwall. Otherwise I'm a TK Maxx mine-sweeper, as you find gems in there, or Sainsbury's for everyday (as they're British made and many have essential oils).

HTH.

How was that a present for her, if he lives there as well? Implies that keeping the house was purely her job.

Would thoroughly piss me off to be told a tidy house was a present for me.

As far I can make out, what distinguishes Yankee Candles is market share, and synthetic scents.

I personally don't like any candle (well my lungs don't) but Yankee Candles are in their own sphere of awful.

@Aixellency , if that was aimed at my post, I just knew someone would say this!

I suppose it wouldn’t occur to you that maybe her dh did usually help with housework, but they were both working F/T and extra busy/knackered in the run up to Christmas.

Ah, thanks. I only ever see them mentioned on MN and wondered what all the fuss was about.

In general, if I were presented with a huge pile of gifts I could tolerate one candle from say Frederic Malle or Perfumer H - more than one would be overkill.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER - but there’s a difference between a husband saying “This is too much for us right now, let’s get a team of cleaners in,” and saying “Look at the lovely tidy house I paid for, for you.”

Perhaps you meant the former?

I’d be happy with these candles