Terrible gifts for a middle aged, or older, woman.

[Aixellency]

Can we make a list?

I’ll start: (This is adult to adult gifts - no judgment regarding presents from children!)

Afternoon tea. Just - why? Not that I don’t like cake and afternoon G&T - but this suggestion is always wheeled out as such a treat, as if one is suddenly too old to get dressed up for a night out.

Mug with a single ‘posh’ teabag. In fact, anything someone else thinks I’ll consider posh - I’m middle aged, I’ve done posh.

Anything at all from Etsy or Not on The High Street. Anything craft-y or home made, unless specifically requested.

Anything ‘safe’ or ‘nice’.

(Please, just stick to Islay single malt, Hermes nail polish, and newly published volumes of art, cookery, fiction or poetry. Thank you.)

No thank you! Candles, body lotion, novelty mugs, afternoon tea, Bayliss and Harding, anything lavender or vanilla, oven gloves, tea towels, novelty tea cosy, foot warmer, scarf, bobble hat, ornaments, CDs, DVDS, alcohol, fruit or herbal tea… worst of all a spa day, my idea of hell

(yes please! = expensive chocs (just a few is fine!), Molton brown shower gel, good cheese, good coffee, book token, cash)

I don’t think so, but if you like Turkish Delight brightly coloured leather gloves and cheese as well, then I might be.

This is what I meant to include in my last post, which would have made it make sense.

Seconded!

That stuff is sh*te!

Do you think gifts will start to change now.buy my electric for a few days vouchers anyone? My Tesco shop.
or will tat givers still give it.
costs like spas and afternoon teas I imagine will rocket up even more.
do we want more useful stuff to surivive what’s to come?or still irrelevant to life presents even more so because it’s escapism from life outside.
what about Christmas lunches and decorations?

My adult DDs are brilliant at gifts for me. I’m a pensioner, and they gave me a voucher for an hour’s tuition with a racing driver at the local circuit! I’m a retired hospital doctor, and regularly drove at over 100mph when on call from home. My
birthday card with voucher read: “Now you can do it legally!”
For my 60th, some years ago, they gave me an iphone and booked a city break abroad.
Much more exciting than afternoon tea, I must say!

Aw, that's lovely

This led to a discussion with my AD yesterday and she said the same thing! I concede.....😁

Well I was joking obviously (or not so obviously!).

I'm not a candle snob by any means (I usually buy supermarket ones) but for me Yankee Candles just look so... um... inelegant? The McDonald's anolzg

• analogy is a good one.

I would not appreciate afternoon tea , or
Prosecco
Bubble bath
Scarves
Yankee candles
19 crimes wine

I do like
Decent fizz like cava or cremant
L'occitaine shower gel or hand cream
Reed sticks
Nice hot water bottle

A nice scarf or Bag(beautiful bag from DIL last year .Much appreciated! SIL has new job at Lush Apparently half price products(Yes please)! Any Jewelley M and S very welcome ! Chocolate mints /Turkish Delight /. Not so keen on Candles ,Books ,Gloves or Bubble Bath (Cant use it in bath ,only baby bath!)

I'm 47 and would love afternoon tea. Also things from Etsy and NotOntheHighSt.

Stuff I'm not bothered about:

• Posh chocolate - I'm a Twirl/Malteser fan
• G&T tasting gift - just a bottle of gin will do
• Wine tasting gift - just a nice bottle of wine please
• Any experience thing I have to arrange - if you book it for me that's fine
• Toiletries - unless they're Neal's Yard or L'Occitane
• Scarves/gloves - sorted for those

Stuff I do like:

• Above mentioned toiletries or perfume - I will definitely use it
• Books - I will read anything...eventually
• Amazon gift card - always handy and I might actually buy something for myself
• Gift card for Oliver Bonas - I will always find something nice in there
• Clothes/homewares from the above - you can hardly go wrong
• Flowers and plants - always happy with anything
• Cheese
• Port
• Gin
• Wine
• Food tour/cookery day
• Afternoon tea
• Le Creuset items
• Actually don't mind a candle - if it's not a really pongy fake scent
• Spa day/massage

Tat with cats on it. We have a cat and this year I got lots of cat tat from a relative for my birthday. I like my cat but I’m not a cat person in general so it was not much fun opening up several (terrible) gifts with the same tacky cat picture and slogan on it!

About two years ago a friends parent had a significant birthday and my friend paid for them to have a delivery of home heating oil. She said they were absolutely thrilled.

An ornament or object vaguely similar to one in the recipient's house. For example, the recipient has her Great-Aunt Maud's Beswick shire horse on the mantelpiece, but that doesn't mean she wants horse ornaments for every christmas and birthday.

Similar to a pp, I love DCat with all my heart but I don't want all manner of things with cats on.

I've just seen the price of Hermes nail polish (I had no idea it existed!) - £42 for a bottle!

I sort of agree with you re Etsy - unless you know the recipient likes the Etsy product/seller. Not on the high street - actually - there are loads of things I've got there for various friends and I know they've been eaten/appreciated.

I'm middle aged and I tend to find what I get:

jewellery - well yes, I do love earrings but I'm picky about what I get so please ask me.
Lush box of gifts for Xmas - again - I'm a bit picky about what I use/get. I also tend to get Rituals/L'Occitane - the Rituals I will generally use but someone got me a L'Occitane gift box in a scent I really didn't like and had to ask them if I could exchange it!
Having said that, friends have gifted me nice lavender or other gift sets via Amazon and although I wasn't sure on first glance, they were actually really nice and both have got used up!
I do have a posh lavender camomile tea bag set in the cupboard which I've never used!

I do think (I recently got a £100 Pandora gift card from supposedly close friends!) that you should be quite firm if you're fussy about what you like/don't like. Friends of mine know I love cats, clothes, earrings etc but sometimes unless you tell them what you'd like, they'd have no idea. E.g. a close friend, I know she likes Arsenal football club - big fan - so I ordered her a lovely poster - sort of Art Deco style - I sort of know her interior style but maybe I misjudged it, she liked it, but I was thinking out of the box.

There are various shops which I think I will tell people I love (Fenwicks, recently fell in love with them again when visiting Canterbury). But it was my birthday recently and DB and SIL got me gifts which DNephew (he's 4) chose - he actually has very good taste for a 4 year old! In fact, a couple of weeks later, I went to a gift shop near their house and bought two special gifts to cheer up SIL but he chose colour of one and something else.

One of my favourite ever gifts (but I chose him) was a kitten (as an adult) and I'd love for someone to give me a dachshund (yes I know I could buy one!).

In fact, I'd love to go to something like a show, have a cake made for me etc - a lot of the time, rather than other 'stuff'. Agreed with Prosecco, have way too much. I quite like scented candles but then there's the issue of if you have too many and don't burn them.

Following on from someone else posting - I sent DB a Betty's cake and he declared it the best ever. Also over lockdown, DB and family decamped for entirety to just outside Bath and I sent occasional care parcels of nice coffee for their cafetiere, Bath Buns, nice cheese etc - I knew it was a success because they loved it but also SIL texted me recently to ask the name because she wanted to send this to someone else in the area.

Well, I like afternoon tea, tea bags (posh or otherwise) and NOTHS and Etsy are fab. Something a bit unusual and handcrafted show a lot more thought that bottle of plonk or nail polish.
You can keep your fancy whiskey (ugh) or the latest artsy book, far too pretentious and if I want a book, I'll buy it.
No candles, body lotions, potions and cremes. If you know me, you'll know what I like. If not - ask!

An ornament or object vaguely similar to one in the recipient's house.

Ha ha this has reminded me that, for my first Christmas with my (now) DH, I wanted to buy him a shirt and I really worried about it and spent ages looking at shirts and trying to find one that was exactly his sort of thing, and then when he opened it it turned out to be exactly the same as a shirt he already had that he was actually wearing to open the present 😂

Nothing wrong with Etsy or NOTHS! As opposed to high street brands, a lot of the sellers (who run small businesses) can often adapt or customise things. usually at little or no extra cost depending on what it is.

So if you're into jewellery and like Citrine but the seller's only showing amethyst, you just ask. If they can get the stone they'll customise it, as they make it from scratch.

Or you want something a little larger or a bit smaller, a different colour or scent, they can often do it. Whereas with the high street brands, what you see is what you get (as does everybody else buying from them).

I bought DH some gardening tools from Etsy a few years ago. The seller offered personalised ones - not just 'dad' or 'husband' but his name. Much more personal. And I had planters made for our gardening friends with their initials carved into them.

Yes, there is some tat on both sites - but there's tat in high street shops too. Most people on Etsy or NOTHS are professionals who are very good at their handmade craft.

I should know, I'm one of them and there's nothing 'tatty' about my work believe me. Handmade doesn't mean chucked together or looking like your three year old made it with their eyes shut. It usually means made with pride, unlike factory produced 'stuff'.

The difficulty with online marketplaces is that they are flooded with products masquerading as handmade. Same as some market stalls. At least when buying from a big retailer you know it is mass-produced and you can at least guess which products or brands will be of lower quality. With Etsy and NOTHS it feels impossible to tell. With jewellery in particular I always wonder if a stone is simply coloured glass and if the metal is what it is claimed to be. With well-established bricks and mortar retailers that could still be the case but is less likely to be so. Far too much false advertising on Etsy and similar for me to part with money beyond a certain amount. It's a shame because there are a lot of beautiful things on Etsy but the trust isn't there. Not too mention it must be a massive frustration for sellers too.

I'm always slightly aghast at people who never drink ANY hot drinks! Hot drinks get me through the winter 🤣🤣🤣

Scarves.. fucking hate them....and expensive jewellery that I haven't chosen. Hubby has bought some absolute howlers lately and I've had to burst his bubble and tell him to stop. I sound like a spoiled brat ,but if he's going to spend over £300 on a necklace, I'd rathervwe chose it TOGETHER!!

I understand what you mean Mama4Weans. I'd say it was a sign of being middle-aged, but I felt like that when I was far from being middle-aged. I was bought an expensive gadget for Christmas. It was too expensive, I was expected to be delighted but would probably have not picked the model. I felt I'd missed out on the umming and ahing over buying it, and doing the research. I did like it but it felt too much.
It was out of date before long, it's been replaced by something much cheaper, but I still remember the guilt I felt.

I love scented candles but anything else that I have to clean or cannot be eaten I do not want.

Most of my friends and family have enough stuff. I love presents of things to do like castles, shows etc. But my absolute favourite present is time with them maybe over a meal. Nothing fancy either. Just time.