Terrible gifts for a middle aged, or older, woman.

[Aixellency]

Can we make a list?

I’ll start: (This is adult to adult gifts - no judgment regarding presents from children!)

Afternoon tea. Just - why? Not that I don’t like cake and afternoon G&T - but this suggestion is always wheeled out as such a treat, as if one is suddenly too old to get dressed up for a night out.

Mug with a single ‘posh’ teabag. In fact, anything someone else thinks I’ll consider posh - I’m middle aged, I’ve done posh.

Anything at all from Etsy or Not on The High Street. Anything craft-y or home made, unless specifically requested.

Anything ‘safe’ or ‘nice’.

(Please, just stick to Islay single malt, Hermes nail polish, and newly published volumes of art, cookery, fiction or poetry. Thank you.)

I appreciate anything given with thought and love, even if it's not my taste. Doesn't mean I'll keep it though!
I am not keen on stuff for the house, it rarely fits with our colour scheme or style, and I'm trying to cut down on 'stuff' unless extremely special or sentimental.
My MIL has form for charity shop tat. I've nothing against second hand, but some random tights, a book, and those little weighted photo clip stands are an odd combination!

Things I don't want but always get given:
Hand cream (never used the stuff)
Bath salts (I don't even have a bath)
Chocolate (I don't have a sweet tooth - my husband ends up eating them)
Afternoon tea (carbs + daytime Prosecco = heartburn hell)
Spa Day (how is stripping off and getting pummeled & fiddled with by randoms relaxing?)

What I really want:
Meal in a nice restaurant
Decent red wine
Cheese box
(Essentially, savory food and alcohol)
If someone really knows my taste I'm open to jewelry, ornaments, candles, etc, but 9 times out of 10 it's just not 'me' and just ends up in my loft.

Has anyone mentioned socks? I love getting socks but because they come under the category of 'terrible & unimaginative present' no-one seems to buy them. I always put them on my list.

I am a big reader but never get the books I want. I like crime or quirky witty novels about bitchy women and their failed relationships (Muriel Spark for example). My mum always gets me Bernard Cornwell's Napoleonic adventures or something about Cornwall fishing villages. I will never read an autobiography or any book about the industry I work in but again, that's what I get.

Otherwise I'm quite easy to please - I like alcohol, food, skincare, body gift sets and candles. I have no allergies, sensitivities and will literally eat/drink anything and love trying new smelly products.

Are you me?

@Aixellency At risk of derailing the thread, what sort of obscure opera?

I think we have a lot of cross over in our interests!

In this house it is Rameau, preferrably DVDs of full on baroque period productions. However we will pretty much watch anything, especially if we haven't seen it before. Except for anything by Alban Berg, there I draw the line.

Yankee candles and Lush products literally make me heave

Socks?

These are very fine. And would go well with a hat I already have. #Selfgifting …

MIL loves afternoon tea
DM would tolerate it
I hate it

We're all over 40

For me, my pet hates are
Nice mugs with hot chocolate stuff inside
Anything for the 'home' because it's always generic and not to my taste
Smellies
Flowers

Gift packs of genteel toiletries like Crabtree and Evelyn. Don't get me wrong, I love pretty smells, but I don't use shower gel or body lotion so they always get passed along.
Scented candles. I've been given some eye-poppingly expensive ones (which I'm grateful for!) but DH gets migraines with them, so they gather dust for years.

Other end of the age scale, but as a young woman I was given a tube of face treatment for 'oily, spotty skin'. Gee, thanks.

Except for anything by Alban Berg, there I draw the line

PMSL. That is a reasonable line to draw.

Actually, an afternoon tea would be a great gift for MIL! Since Covid she won't go in any family's house,m and we still have to stand outside if we visit them, but they'll happily go away to hotels and eat out! 🤔🙄

TBH, Id be more than happy with any of them. What are you hoping for? Crotchless panties and a whip 🤣

I like candles, but would much prefer if someone asked what scents I like. I hate citrus or overly sweet smelling ones, so I would never light them. Also love nice hand soaps as well.

Bath/body sets are the worst, I use plain unscented soap and similarly very bland body lotion.

DO NOT GIVE ME ANOTHER MUG PLEASE. (I do make an exception for ones with photos of my nanny kids though 💕)

Alcohol is always welcome, not fussy on brand either.

Vouchers/gift cards/cold hard cash are my favourite, so that I can choose to my taste. I like vouchers from Treatwell as I I can use them for a range of beauty treatments.

I love afternoon tea!

Bad gifts for me would be:

Earrings - I have avoided piercing my ears and don't wear earrings.

Cookery/recipe books

Candles- though I have a candle-loving friend to whom I can pass them on

Scented toiletries

Spa days

Any birthday presents at all!- I don't want ever to be reminded of my birthday

Smellies!! Stupid sets of body wash, body cream etc that i will never ever use! They go straight to the charity shop.

But if someone gifted me some CBD oil that would be different.

An apron or teatowel 😆 I have had both from DCs/DH and a friend.

i’d love afternoon tea.

other crap presents I cba with:
candles
body moisturiser
any electronic device (dh I’m looking at you) Unless specified by me!!
Mugs - got too many

great presents;
books or book vouchers
nice shower gel
manicure
necklace

I think I’m easy to buy for but dh still struggles after nearly 30 years!! Even when he gets ‘on list’ he doesn’t quite hit the mark as I do like a small surprise.

@QueensEyot I remain traumatized by a performance of Lulu. I spent the interval shouting at DH 'why do they hate women?'

Back to the thread, I am delighted to find so many other people who dislike scented candles.

Any garden centre with a Yankee Candle display, I have to hold my breath and walk past as fast as possible or my inhaler comes out.

I don’t want photo frames and I certainly don’t want them with photos of your children in! I can love your child without needing to look at a picture of them 🤷‍♀️
Bloody hell! Who does this? 😂

No thank you :-

Edwardian Lady calendar
Diary
Beauty set
Multicoloured flowers from supermarket
Truffles
Sweet wine
Red Letter day voucher, lunch on Thames cruiser type thing
Lavender anything, especially pillow spray

Yes please :-

John Lewis vouchers
Port and stilton

I’d also like someone to come decorate my bathroom
Sunday roasts
if I had the space a wardrobe of loungewear and pjs I love pjs.

don’t get me another Christmas cookie or fudge jar

@Johnnysgirl You’d be surprised 🤣 I’ve had them of my godchildren, friends kids and from relatives.
Ive also seen them mentioned on mumsnet as ideal gifts for grandparents 🤷‍♀️

Flowers.
They only look good for 3 days, smell and make a mess. Just send me wine instead.

Well, I certainly wouldn't thank you for newly published volumes of art, cookery, or poetry. Fiction is quite difficult to get right, too.