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Original poster

If you have two children, do you ever wish you'd stopped at one?

156 replies

TreacsPotNoodle · 30/09/2022 11:00

Obviously I don't mean wishing your second child away!

But do you ever think if you could go back in time you would have just had the one child?

DP and I have always said we want 2 children and now DS is 2.5 we are considering TTC end of this year. Now it's getting closer though I'm starting to panic incase we are making the wrong decision?!

Financially we can afford it (money will be a little bit tighter especially with cost of living but will be manageable) I'm just starting to doubt myself and wether I can handle it! I struggle enough as it is and think am I mad to add another child to the mix? But then I don't feel like i'm "done" having children if that makes sense?

OP posts:

MeghansBitch · 30/09/2022 11:03

Never ,don't get me wrong was hard when they were little dealing with a toddler and new born.

But they were good we buds when younger (not so much now as teenagers 🤪) and I also have a girl and boy so I have a good mixture.

ReadyForPumpkins · 30/09/2022 11:05

Never. My two are 11 and 8 and love each other very much.

rattlemehearties · 30/09/2022 11:05

Never. They are brilliant siblings. Lovely together at all the various stages and ages. In fact it's easier than a solo child as now they are old enough to play together and look out for each other, it's far less pressure than me trying to keep one entertained.

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FluffySocksAndHotChocolate · 30/09/2022 11:05

No. I found DS2 easier than DS1 and they keep each other entertained. DS1 sometime wishes he was a only child but I know deep down that's a throw away comment.

SalviaOfficinalis · 30/09/2022 11:07

I’m in a very similar position OP. I’d always just assumed that I’d have two… in the hope that they’ll entertain each other when they get older.

But now the time to start TTC is coming closer I’m starting to panic about handling two children at once… my toddler is a handful on his own!

Hesleepswiththefishes · 30/09/2022 11:07

Absolutely not
felt guilty about ‘dividing’ myself and worried dc1 would miss out, but I have endless love to give and had 3 of them…dh didn’t want a 4th!

WhenDovesFly · 30/09/2022 11:08

Haha, I often say that if I'd had DD2 first, I'd have stopped at one. She's lovely, but NEVER slept and was climbing everything before she could walk. A lot of hard work! DD1 by comparison - I'd put her down for a nap and I'd have to go and check her 3hrs later to see if she was still alive! Definitely lulled me into a false idea that all babies were easy

Tomorrowisalatterday · 30/09/2022 11:09

I do look at my friends with one child and notice the extent to which they are better able to get time to themselves and balance things - e.g. if your only child has an activity or extracurricular, one parent takes them and the other gets some free time

However, my second child is such a total joy. I found parenting so much easier the second time and I love seeing their bond.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 30/09/2022 11:09

However, my second child is such a total joy. I found parenting so much easier the second time and I love seeing their bond.

Bootsandcat · 30/09/2022 11:09

Nope. I had an awful and life threatening second pregnancy and birth and my husband had a mental breakdown aa a result of all that. If I knew it was gonna happen, I probably wouldn’t have tried for my second and would’ve just stuck to one.

However, he is delightful and I’m enjoying every moment of him. My eldest is also besotted with him so I’m very pleased to have the two despite everything that’s happened. Probably a bit contradictory I know.

99redballoonsgobyy · 30/09/2022 11:09

I'm must admit yes I did for a while after dc2 was born but I was suffering from horrendous post natal anxiety. I felt Id totally ruined my life by having a 2nd whereas I'd been extremely happy and content before with just dc1. Took me a while to realise I was actually ill with horrendous anxiety which seemed to kick in after dc2 birth for some reason. A good few years later now and dc2 is my world and so glad I had them. I do feel guilty though for the way I felt when they were a baby but I understand I was quite ill at the time.

Original poster

TreacsPotNoodle · 30/09/2022 11:10

Thankyou all for your replies!

How do you find the time to get anything done?!

Or do I just accept the fact my house will never be tidy again and I'll always look a scruff?🤣

OP posts:

Twizbe · 30/09/2022 11:11

Yes and no. Seeing my oldest grow up I do think about how 'easy' it would be to just have him.

But then I think about my youngest and how glad I am that she's here.

Hearthnhome · 30/09/2022 11:12

Yeah sometimes. I had a bigish gap. If I had only had one my house would be child free most of the time as dd is away at Uni.

I remember dd being a few weeks old and me trying to juggle him and get dd ready for school, he always wanted feeding just as we were about to leave and thinking ‘god I really didn’t appreciate how easy one was. It’s not regret as such but moments of ‘god I didn’t realise how easy I had it’

Ds is 11. He was a fairly difficult toddler and baby, but once he hit about 4 that all worked itself out. He is ND so there’s some difficulties. But I wouldn’t swap having him for anything. He has an amazing sense of humour, is really sweet and loves a cuddle.

All in all I don’t regret having him. But I won’t lie there have been moments where I thought ‘should have stuck to one’ fleetingly.

Raidtheice · 30/09/2022 11:13

Sometimes I think financially things would have been easier. But we have come out of the other side of our financial problems now. So j don't dwell on that so much nowadays.

I had a six month old when my eldest was 2.5YO. I definitely think that smaller age gaps are better. By 3YO, life generally gets starts to get easier and it's a leap back to the baby stage again.

BridgetJonesDaiquiri · 30/09/2022 11:14

No, never - they rub along brilliantly together, keep each other entertained and play together. They're only 3 and 5 though (same sex). It was hard at the very beginning, but now it's a joy. Wanted 3 originally but very happy with our 2.

To add, I am an only child and although I had a wonderful childhood and am very close to my parents, I now think I really did miss out on something special by not having a sibling. A lifelong friend or if not close, at least a shared experience!

QueensEyot · 30/09/2022 11:17

I don't regret having two for a single second (2 yr age gap). I would never have wanted an only child, unless I'd had no choice (in which case I'd have been grateful to have the one). It was the best thing I have ever done. They have had some spectacular fallings out over the years, but now that they are adults, they are quite glad to have one another.

If I could do one thing now, it would be to go in a time machine to when they were 1 and 3. It was the absolute best period of my life. It was bonkers, but brilliant.

My only regret is that I didn't have more than two. Ex husband refused to have more!

QueensEyot · 30/09/2022 11:18

BTW, I didn't get anything done, but that was all part of the fun of it. What I did was stuff with the children. The house was a tip, but it still is so I was clearly just using them as an excuse.

TheMightyThor · 30/09/2022 11:19

It would have been easier to stop at 1, and indeed easier to have had none at all, but I absolutely don't regret my second, not for an instant, even when things have been dreadful. Seeing the DCs sibling bond, hearing them laugh and muck about together, brings me joy that I can't describe.

DancingDragonfly · 30/09/2022 11:20

I have one of each but they're older now. Boy is 18 and the girl, 14. I planned the age gap so that the eldest would be at nursery and about to start school when the second arrived. We were paying childcare too so I wanted to balance it so that I wasn't paying full time fees for both at the same time. I went part time for 12 years and returned full time when the youngest started year 5. I carried on with my career and got promotion and the best bit was childcare eventually whittled down to zero!
Of course, now, the age gap is working well as one is at university and should be finished by the time the second one goes.
It's hard work but worth it!

DancingDragonfly · 30/09/2022 11:21

Oh, and my second child was easier than the first. Better sleeper, more laid back etc.

Blix · 30/09/2022 11:26

Absolutely never.
Two year gap and any longer I might have felt different.
The first year of having two was hard work but the rest has been double the joy. Watching them grow up, different paths, different personalities. They are both adults now and I love their company. Imagine only having half the pleasure.

boredOf · 30/09/2022 11:30

Maybe yes

Testng123 · 30/09/2022 11:33

I just hate the bickering. It's lovely when they (occasionally!) get on. I love 1:1 time.

WinifridSanderson · 30/09/2022 11:33

Horrible to say but I have occasionally thought this. 3 year gap, they are 6 and 3. 3YO is an extremely, extremely difficult toddler. Older one was also hard work at that age but not as hard as this. 6YO is absolutely lovely now and I miss spending as much time with her often the younger one takes up so much of my time and attention. 6YO finds it hard to be around 3YO, she winds her up/ claims on her all time. 3YO worships 6YO really but doesn’t express it v nicely!

However I didn’t find it particularly harder when she was a baby and I’m hoping that once the younger one is 4ish things will calm down. We have to keep them away from each other a lot of the time at the moment 😫

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