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Original poster

If you have two children, do you ever wish you'd stopped at one?

156 replies

TreacsPotNoodle · 30/09/2022 11:00

Obviously I don't mean wishing your second child away!

But do you ever think if you could go back in time you would have just had the one child?

DP and I have always said we want 2 children and now DS is 2.5 we are considering TTC end of this year. Now it's getting closer though I'm starting to panic incase we are making the wrong decision?!

Financially we can afford it (money will be a little bit tighter especially with cost of living but will be manageable) I'm just starting to doubt myself and wether I can handle it! I struggle enough as it is and think am I mad to add another child to the mix? But then I don't feel like i'm "done" having children if that makes sense?

OP posts:
Hitchhikingghosts · 30/09/2022 11:41

Never. I have one of each and they are in their 20’s now and have always been good friends to each other. No bickering. I would not want a bigger gap than two years though. Our house was never scruffy or very untidy when they were young, it doesn’t have to be just because you have children. I love them both to bits.

JenniferBarkley · 30/09/2022 11:45

Never.

Mine are 4 and 2. It's getting a bit easier now, but 3 and 1 was very very difficult (as much because we both work so there's not much leeway for illness which was constant last winter).

Life would be so much easier with just the 4 year old and I see that with her friends who don't have siblings.

But. I never wanted just one child. I used to want three but now happy with two Grin I don't enjoy the baby bit so I'm glad to have that out of the way, and with the small age gap we're already starting to see them share interests.

It's bloody hard but I wouldn't change a thing.

Actually, I do occasionally fantasise about a childfree life, and I do think I could have been very happy without children. But I never regret having DC2.

anonforthis87 · 30/09/2022 12:25

No, but I only started seriously considering a second once the oldest was 3 (was not a fan of the toddler years, it gets a million times easier when they turn 3) and started preschool. (We are both only children and originally planned an only.) We had enough time to get new jobs, travel etc. between babies and felt ready to do it again. They have almost 4 years between them and it's great - couldn't have done less than 3 years though!

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prettygirlincrimsonrose · 30/09/2022 12:25

I'd never want not to have had DD, but I sometimes wish I could live two parallel lives, one with just DS and one with just DD. Both are so lovely on their own but currently they're 4 and 1 which isn't easy in terms of annoying/upsetting/hurting each other, and I know I sometimes make situations worse. But I do see some lovely moments between them so that gives me hope.

DoodlePug · 30/09/2022 12:35

I has planned to have 2 but no.1 was such a nightmare in every way and my MH was wrecked, we didn't even consider it.

But it doesn't sound like you're in the same boat. Money is usually a big issue and you've considered that so if it's just 'getting things done' you could either do less or get more help. And think about how long it'd be like that, first one would be in school soon enough.

BrownOrangeRed · 30/09/2022 13:02

Absolutely not, yes it's hard at times but I always wanted either 2 children or none, I grew up as an only child and hated it, I was lonely, everyone I knew had siblings, i couldn't have had just one child and have them feel how I did growing up. My oldest is 4, to youngest is 1.

Original poster
TreacsPotNoodle · 30/09/2022 13:04

Really helpful replies, Thankyou! x

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 30/09/2022 13:06

No.

At the time I decided that having funked my life up by having 1 and couldn't go back (I always wanted 2), I might as well have another.

2nd was MUCH harder work than no. 1, but I never regretted the decision.

He is now 16, and one of the lights of my life.

Chdjdn · 30/09/2022 13:13

One would have been a lot easier; I look at people with one and they got time to their self back much earlier and a lot of things are much easier including finances but I wouldn’t change my decision and I wouldn’t have felt satisfied/settled with just one (obviously that’s a personal thing and no reflection on others feelings or choices)

DontKeepTheFaith · 30/09/2022 13:15

Mine are only 21 months apart so yes, in the early days I did wonder what the hell I had done and why but it got much easier and our boys have been an absolute gift.

They are now nearly 20 and 18 and both boys are amazing.

Bumpsadaisie · 30/09/2022 13:21

I have never asked myself this question - but no, have never wished we'd only had one.

Even in the darkest of all my dark parenting weeks back in 2012 - when DD (3), DS(6 mths) and I all had terrible norovirus at home and DH was away for a week ... I never wished I had only had one child.

<<shudders at memory of continually changing toddler bed bedding, cot bedding, my bedding, with both kids howling and trying not to throw up myself>>

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 30/09/2022 13:24

Nope. My youngest is a little ray of sunlight who has added so much to our family and she’s not even one yet. I wish I had more to give her but I don’t regret her for a minute.

PreferAnimals · 30/09/2022 13:29

I'm an only child. I had a lovely childhood and amazing parents, but now I'm older I find I'm envious of friends with siblings. I know it's not always the case that siblings are close, but a lot of my friends are close with theirs and it's something I wish I had. I also lost my Dad a couple of years ago, and I really wish I'd had a sibling to reminisce with and talk about our memories of him. Nobody truly understood how I felt and I felt quite alone.😞

RobynNora · 30/09/2022 13:36

I hesitate to say ‘regret’ because it sounds mean but we had two close together and I regret that.

Everything is stretched now - our time with the kids, our own time and definitely money. It’s all
so stressful and less fun than the first time round. Parents of onlies look saner, richer and happier!

maranella · 30/09/2022 13:37

No. My two DC were very much wanted and are so different that aside from adoring them both, they've given me completely different experiences of parenting. I always wanted two DC, so if I'd stopped at one I'd be forever wishing I hadn't.

AuntSalli · 30/09/2022 13:43

I have 5 and i wish id stopped at 1

paintitallover · 30/09/2022 13:45

I personally think two is easier than one.

Emmacb82 · 30/09/2022 13:48

No never. I was really scared the second time round as I had bad pnd with my first, and we were in the very first lockdown with my second so I was expecting the worst. But it has been the most enjoyable experience. I’m a much better parent second time round. Mine are 6 and 2, same sex and they adore each other. Of course, they have their moments but seeing them play together and hearing the older one say how much he loves his brother makes it all worth it.

Smineusername · 30/09/2022 14:08

I find the baby a lot easier than the toddler, but overall things are much easier than I anticipated. I make a point of taking time away for myself most days, which I never did when it was just me and dd1, and I'm working part time from 3 months postpartum so overall life balance is probably better now than it was when it was just me and covid baby. I find it also is a healthier dynamic with 2 because there's not such an intense focus on the eldest. Do struggle with worrying I don't give the baby enough attention as the toddler is very demanding, extra so since she feels insecure now she's not the baby. The shock to the toddler has been the hardest aspect to deal with and we are still working through it. She often tells me she is 'feeling a bit sad' and 'losing my little mummy' 😭💔But I do feel it's an investment in her future and she does love her sister. I'm delighted to have them both and wouldn't change it

Tigerbus · 30/09/2022 14:10

Actually it's more than I liked number one's company and was concerned they/i would miss out on opportunities together because I needed to focus on a particular development/milestone of number two or three.

I felt so blessed to have this small human in my life and knowing that might need to make sacrifices just came with the new title. Sacrificing their life experiences wasn't something I had factored in!

AmberGer · 30/09/2022 14:21

No but I'm so glad dh talked me round to have a 2nd.

Lewiscapaldiscat · 30/09/2022 14:25

Never, ever, ever. I had a bit of fear before the second.

I have a 5.5 year gap which I was a little concerned about but to date it’s brilliant. They are so lovely with each other.

i personally think a close age is crazy / so hard.
if you like having one the other just fits in!

On the other hand - my boss has two and I’m pretty sure he wishes he stopped at 0.

bombemma · 30/09/2022 14:27

Gosh no, they most of the time love eachother. I think either would be really lonely and have missed out if the other wasn't around

Hoppinggreen · 30/09/2022 14:30

Yes
I adore DS but things would have been easier with just DD. I actually think she would have preferred it too.
So many of my friends have 1 child and I sometimes wish I did too. I would never say I regret DS because I don’t but I think I would have been quite happy with just 1 child.
One thing though, I had a very difficult pregnancy and pnd with DD but loved DS from first sight so one thing having a 2nd baby did was show me how lovely having a baby can be.

Snoken · 30/09/2022 14:34

I don't wish I had only had my DD, but I can see the appeal of having one child especially when they get a bit older as you get your life back so much quicker. My friends who had one child had a much easier and harmonious life from when their kids were about 8 onwards, and they were able to do much more fun things one on one with their child, whereas I also had DS to consider and the two kids didn't always get along or wanted to do the same things. I also would have loved to have had my pre-second-pregnancy body back, it was definitely way more damaged after the second pregnancy compared to the first one, but I had mine quite close together (not sure if that makes a difference).