If you have two children, do you ever wish you'd stopped at one?

[TreacsPotNoodle]

Obviously I don't mean wishing your second child away!

But do you ever think if you could go back in time you would have just had the one child?

DP and I have always said we want 2 children and now DS is 2.5 we are considering TTC end of this year. Now it's getting closer though I'm starting to panic incase we are making the wrong decision?!

Financially we can afford it (money will be a little bit tighter especially with cost of living but will be manageable) I'm just starting to doubt myself and wether I can handle it! I struggle enough as it is and think am I mad to add another child to the mix? But then I don't feel like i'm "done" having children if that makes sense?

Would 1 have been easier? Absolutely but despite how hard it was when my youngest was first born I absolutely would still go ahead and have 2 even if I’d had a crystal ball. Little ones are now 5 and 2 and whilst still hard at times (there’ll always be tough times in different ways) the good definitely out ways the bad & seeing them play together is just amazing. I’ll be honest though, I always thought I wanted 3 but we’ve decided to stop at 2 (despite a miscarriage 12 months ago) because I definitely feel 2 is the number my husband and I can handle / give our best to

Never.

I enjoyed the baby stage so much more with DC2. Never found two any harder than one. (Going from none to one was far more brutal). DS (my first) was the apple of my eye but nothing could prepare me for DD, and the enormous extra love I would feel.

Theyre teens now and I’m so happy I had two. They fight like all teens, but they have a good bond and look out for each other, too. Adore them both.

I’m coming from this at a different angle, bear with…

We have one child who is fairly high
maintenance (possible ASD diagnosis on the cards), when he was three his brother died midway through pregnancy and then just over a year later the same happened again. So one living child and two babies that didn’t make it. Some days I absolutely wish there was a living sibling here as we always expected to have the ‘normal’ 2.4 children type life, however on other days when my son is being an absolute pickle and I’m knackered/harassed/over stimulated/overwhelmed etc. then a small part of me is glad there’s only one here. Obviously then I feel guilty for being glad my babies died and wish they were here which adds to the overthinking!

There are pros and cons to one or more. Logistics of weekend activities and after school clubs is far easier with one, and we can spend a bit more at Christmas and birthdays. But he’s lonely at times and that makes me sad. I try to explain to him that even though I’m the youngest of four and often felt lonely due to the age gaps/gender mix of my siblings.

We did consider adoption but it felt scary and we’re kinda happy as a three. Trying again was absolutely not an option due to the cost/risks/likelihood of a third baby dying midway along.

Having 1 was definitely easier but I adore my second just as much and wouldn’t be without her. I’m seriously on the fence about a third because I know I’d love him/her just as much but not sure how sensible that would be.

Never, can’t imagine not having either of them, my most favourite waste of time
🤣

Nope! 5 and 8 yr old boys and keep each other entertained 😆
Twice the love.
Two totally different personalities 🖤

Never. A sibling can give a child so much more than just parents, best friend, championing their siblings, so even when it was hard I never regretted it.

and I agree, going from 0 to 1 was really difficult, a real shock to the system but 1 to 2 was relatively easy. 2 to 3, now that’s proving trickier but still no regrets. And once they are school age and not unreasonable little tyrants anymore it gets easier juggling more than one

I often have thoughts that it would’ve been easier to stop at 1 but I would never be without my second. But if she’d been first she might have been an only as she doesn’t sleep very well and I’m shattered. It’s a real mixed bag, having two is a joy but we never get any time off as they tag team us. As others have said I didn’t appreciate how easy one was.
I felt very ambivalent about it but knew in my heart I wanted two - I kind of left it up to chance in the end and while we didn’t exactly try for number 2, we didn’t NOT try either if you get me.
Ultimately I have two gorgeous children but this bit at the start is relentless - it’s getting a bit easier now they’re 5&1.

Only very occasionally, mostly when they are fighting! I do look at people with one and feel slight envy at the ease once they are 5/6, but my 2 love each other so much when not fighting, and I was a lonely only child. Our second is an easier personality too and a joy, but you don’t know what child you’re going to get so for some if you are struggling already it might just add to it.

@Wickedgreengirl
Im so sorry for your loss 🤍 💐

I have a “large” age go according to some (5years) and it was perfect for us and helped me cope. I wasn’t ready for another child and I was enjoying paying my first the attention. As she started school I had my 2nd meaning I was also able to give my 2nd loads of attention. I’d say if you aren’t really ready give it some more time. There’s no rules on age gaps, make it easier on yourself.

Same here @H007. Dd2 was born about 2 weeks after dd1 started school and while the age gap wasn't originally planned that way (a few mc in between), it worked out so well. I had the early days with dd2 and dd1 was such a help (and still is!).

We had no help (family in another country) and having them close together would have not worked for us. Childcare cost wise also.

They're now 7 and almost 12 and still good friends although dd1 starts high school soon so the dynamics will change.

No way...nothing compares and makes me swell with more emotion or pride than seeing our DDs play and interact together, and watching DD1 enjoy watching DD2 grow has been magical.

I was an only child and hated it, so always said I wouldn't want the same for mine, and maybe that makes being able to give them that opportunity to have a sibling extra special, as it's something I never had myself.

I have one but wish I had two. I have had to look after my mom with dementia and sort everything . Just really starting to worry about my DS for when he is older . Will feel happier when he is settled and has his own family so he will not be on his own. I would say to you yes have another one . I wish I had thought of him more before.

@kerstina i can relate to this. I’m trying to care for an elderly parent as well ( no dementia, but v. difficult and physical health problems) and I’ve joked that I need to clone myself. It’s hard dealing with everything on your own.

Nope not at all. Feel like our family is complete now. Days are full and busy but I love them so much! I do understand one and done a bit more though 🤣

Did you feel like this in pregnancy as well?

No I didn't, I felt fine very much looking forward to the baby being born. it kicked in almost immediately after dc2 was born. I'm sure it was hormone related. I know some women do struggle throughout pregnancy though. It was after the birth for me.

Yes I’m struggling with it all through pregnancy and due in 5 weeks, I hope it settles when he is born xx

aw I hope things do ease for you once he is born. I'm still an anxiety sufferer myself and it is awful. good luck with your new baby hope all goes well.

Yes knowing what I know now, I'd have stopped at one.
But saying that, they do get on very well and have lovely times together. Maybe further down the line I'll have forgotten it all and my response would be "never". But right now, they are 4.5 and 2.5 and it's so bloody difficult.

I wish I had mine 20 years apart

Why is that?

My mum regretted having 2. I only had one and think it's perfect, I've been able to give him so much time and it's been amazing. I've seen my friends kids arguing and fighting and remember me and my brother being like that and have been so glad to only have one. One is a thousand times easier than two IMO. Oh and he is so glad to be an only.