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Original poster

If you have two children, do you ever wish you'd stopped at one?

156 replies

TreacsPotNoodle · 30/09/2022 11:00

Obviously I don't mean wishing your second child away!

But do you ever think if you could go back in time you would have just had the one child?

DP and I have always said we want 2 children and now DS is 2.5 we are considering TTC end of this year. Now it's getting closer though I'm starting to panic incase we are making the wrong decision?!

Financially we can afford it (money will be a little bit tighter especially with cost of living but will be manageable) I'm just starting to doubt myself and wether I can handle it! I struggle enough as it is and think am I mad to add another child to the mix? But then I don't feel like i'm "done" having children if that makes sense?

OP posts:
SallyWD · 30/09/2022 14:38

I absolutely love having 2 children and prefer it to having 1. The only issue is my second child is quite a handful and takes away a lot of attention from my first child. they're now 12 and 9 but my second child is still very demanding. I do sometimes feel sorry for my first child and imagine a life where it was just them and they had all our love and attention. I'm still glad I have 2 though.

Name1232 · 30/09/2022 14:44

No, there's so much that comes from a sibling relationship that can't be replicated. Ours are close with their cousin and friends but it's very different.

Widmerpool · 30/09/2022 14:51

I wasn’t sure I wanted a second, but younger DD is amazingly calm and easy and probably for that reason it really doesn’t seem that much more work to have two! There was a bigger gap than we’d hoped for ( just over 3 years) but it’s been fine. I feel very lucky.

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Arnaquer · 30/09/2022 14:54

Not once. I felt complete having 2.

thaegumathteth · 30/09/2022 14:58

No I think having dc2 was the best thing to ever happen for dc1. Before she was born I was a bit neurotic and dc1 was pandered to. Having two made me have to chill out a bit.

PeonyPansy · 30/09/2022 14:58

Nope, I do not regret it. Yes, when I brought the second home I did cry in a hormonal mess because I was convinced I’d ruined the first one’s life. But once those hormones settled down, I have never regretted it. They get on really well, they play together, and life is easier with both of them. I can’t imagine not having either of them and I can’t imagine them not having each other.

I did consider a third and we decided against it, I don’t regret that either.

Sunshineismyfriend · 30/09/2022 15:56

No never. I sometimes have a little think about ho life would be easier with one but never regret having two. However, I am sooooooooooo glad I never went for number 3 in the end. Really wanted a third when number 2 was a baby but glad we changed our minds. I think that would be too much for us.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/09/2022 16:01

God no, after the initial adjustment I think it’s way easier than an only child. No guilt, they play together, I’m able to get on with things as they have eachother, don’t have to hold endless play dates.

MissDollyMix · 30/09/2022 16:02

It was intense when they were young and I had one going through the terrible 2s and a colicky baby who screamed all day and night. All in a 2 bed terrace. Then I added a puppy into the mix 😂 I must have been crazy. I’ve never regretted it though. My 2 are now 9 and 12 and despite being completely opposite personalities they are super super close. 12 year old helps 9 year with her homework, they go off on mini-adventures together, hardly ever fight etc When we go on holiday and they have a choice of bedrooms they always choose to share. As an only child, it’s truly heartwarming to see how much pleasure they get out of each other. It was 100% worth all the crying at the beginning!

shipwreckedonhighseas · 30/09/2022 16:03

No, never.

Cameleongirl · 30/09/2022 16:04

I found my second child easier than my first as I knew what I was doing, even though DS slept worse and was generally more fussy than DD! Financially, I do sometimes think one would have been easier, but I agree with PP’s that sibling relationships are special. Mine are 17 and 14 now, and while they scrap a lot, they also turn to each other to support and advice -DS really values DD’s opinion and he’s provided her with emotional support you at times.

I'm an only and slightly envious of DH’s relationships with his siblings (one’s abit if a pain, but even she’s OK). I wanted my children to have the opportunity to have those bonds- I know they’re not guaranteed, but at least they have the chance.

Shrewsbury247 · 30/09/2022 16:04

No never, my biggest regret is I didn’t have more children.

FromageRouge · 30/09/2022 16:05

No, never. In fact I waited a couple of decades and then had two more.

BillHadersLeftEye · 30/09/2022 16:06

I only have one tween(secondary infertility). With all the 'grass is greener/saner parents' comments - nope. You have to double as the playmate in the absence of siblings as well as being the adult. Yes you have more money and time but they lose out on a playmate.
You can end up doing double the running around as parents of multiples are, as above split in two taxiing to activities, so assume as you are 'saner and have more free time' you will be delighted to do it.
You'll end up forever hosting playdates to get company for your child too.

glamourousindierockandroll · 30/09/2022 16:06

No, but it is noticeable when my daughter is at nursery and it's just my five year old in the house how much easier and calm my life would be if it was just him. I think things will get much easier once my youngest doesn't need toddler level supervision.

IWasFunBeforeMum · 30/09/2022 16:11

Never.

anotherdayanotherpathlesstravelled · 30/09/2022 16:13

Never

My "second" was twins

My STBEXH does though. That's why he left

Bramshott · 30/09/2022 16:20

Not at all - my DC have a brilliant relationship with each other, and really benefit from having a sibling. BUT - I have 4 years between them, which has proved to be a financially good move at various times: eldest was in school before youngest needed childcare; eldest will have finished uni before youngest starts.

Xmasbaby11 · 30/09/2022 16:25

No regrets. It was tough as 2 year age gap with DD8 and 10, and DD10 has ASD (not diagnosed until later), but it's twice as many kids to love! Plus we have a small family with mostly older generations so the dc have no cousins - but at least they have each other. They squabble but are v close and enjoy doing the same things, so days out and holidays are fun for them because they have each other.

However, we basically had 2 dc because that's what WE wanted - and feel lucky we could have the number we wanted.

There are lots of advantages of having one child - I see it with several friends - just choose what's right for your family!

J0y · 30/09/2022 16:27

Yes, I could have had a nice easy life.

Aria999 · 30/09/2022 16:50

No. It's been brilliant. DD2 is a sweetheart, and it's changed the balance of the family in a nice way. They play together, it's not just a lonely kid constantly wanting parental attention any more.

larkstar · 30/09/2022 16:52

No definitely not - but I do remember thinking when our 2nd was on the way that we had not long since reached that point when life seemed so great with one young daughter - we had got through the first year and it was a hard one on so many fronts - holding jobs down, realising how much time, money, effort and energy it took, how it impacted on us both as new parents in our marriage, etc - I remember thinking I didn't have space in my heart for another as were we so in love with what already had - it seemed the worst possible thing to do - to mess it all up again with another child but of course it was too late for that. We both came from families with 3 children and knew very few only children at school - we just couldn't see life with one child. It's been great on so many levels - our 2nd daughter definitely benefited from having us as more experienced and relaxed parents. They were great playmates for each other - and supported each other in many ways through primary, secondary and even university - same degree - same university - but they are 2.5 years apart. I love that they are both so different - yet fundamentally - they do share something - it was great seeing different aspects of ourselves in both of them - I have sometimes wondered if we had had say 100 children - what they spectrum would have been like - how different they would all have been. On paper - there's hardly ever a perfect time to have kids - it impacts on careers, finances, freedom to make decisions about work, holidays, where you live, etc - in the end we decided you couldn't look at to much in practical terms - it was very much a heart decision - and if you've genuinely got the heart for another you will find a way to cope in spite of all the random unpredictable things that come everyone's way in life - redundancies, illness, deaths in the family, etc. Our kids were what helped us grow as people as adults - we took a lot from it but I don't overlook the fact that maybe we have just been very lucky in some ways with the whole experience - in spite of one of them becoming very ill for several years - she's fine now though. It really didn't take long after the 2nd was born to start feeling that there was going to be a lot of great times and great emotions ahead of us - and there were.

OnlyheretovoteonAIBU · 30/09/2022 16:52

Just when I think I’ve come to terms with the guilt I feel for not wanting a second child, I stupidly opened this thread 🤦‍♀️

I tell myself my DD needs a happy mum more than a sibling but the guilt and pressure will probably never go away.

SmallestInTheClass · 30/09/2022 16:57

No, they have so much fun together and I like having another person in the family. Nothing wrong with being an only child but personally I love having two. Mine are 20 months apart and I won't lie, the first 18 months to 2 years was exhausting. But, we get loads more time together as a couple now they entertain each other. I would want to be spending more time doing stuff with my only child if they didn't have a sibling to play with.

VioletToes · 30/09/2022 16:58

No. Very glad for my 2 DD.

But I have friends with 3 and l think I'd never cope! 2 I can mostly get the space I need but I think with 3 I'd be really stretched.