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Original poster

If you have two children, do you ever wish you'd stopped at one?

156 replies

TreacsPotNoodle · 30/09/2022 11:00

Obviously I don't mean wishing your second child away!

But do you ever think if you could go back in time you would have just had the one child?

DP and I have always said we want 2 children and now DS is 2.5 we are considering TTC end of this year. Now it's getting closer though I'm starting to panic incase we are making the wrong decision?!

Financially we can afford it (money will be a little bit tighter especially with cost of living but will be manageable) I'm just starting to doubt myself and wether I can handle it! I struggle enough as it is and think am I mad to add another child to the mix? But then I don't feel like i'm "done" having children if that makes sense?

OP posts:
Worldwide2 · 30/09/2022 19:22

No I absolutely love having 2 but I have these thoughts on going for a 3rd!
2 I can manage (3 year gap) they have so much fun together and out household is happy with the pair of them. As for getting things done I am disciplined in getting up earlier and getting things done or when they are in bed having a spruce around. I think keeping on top of everything is key as leaving tidying ect to later it just becomes a bigger job rather than 20/30 mins.

Aria999 · 30/09/2022 19:39

@Disneyblueeyes if you don't want to, don't feel pressured. Just because it worked out well for some people, doesn't mean it would work for you.

cptartapp · 30/09/2022 19:43

Never. A 2.5 year age gap which has been perfect. Watching them interact and grow together over the years has been the single best part of parenting.

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DeclansAFeckingDream · 30/09/2022 19:46

No definitely not. They got on great when they were little bit not so much for the last couple of years. Now that they're 18 and 16 they seem to be able to hold a conversation again (of sorts) without falling out. The main reason I don't regret having a second is that DD (16) is the loveliest human being I think I've ever met.

TinyTickler · 30/09/2022 19:50

Not even for a second - they are 5.5 and 4 months and he's the best decision we ever made. I adore him, as does his sister, and he has completed our family in a way I didn't realise it was incomplete.

fabbydoos · 30/09/2022 19:54

Just under 3 years apart.

I do look at friends with one and think how much easier life was. They adore each other and our second really was the missing piece to our family but life's much harder.

I'm so over these early years now though, everything's so loud and we're so busy juggling two, both working, family life etc.

Looking forward to them both starting school in the next few years and life settling down a bit.

We love being a family of 4 though, even if we're a little frazzled!

Ifyouknowyouknowyouknow · 30/09/2022 19:56

Not for a second. Always wanted at least 2. So glad I had a smallish gap (2.5 years) as we were still in the thick of it and they are growing up so close.

MsChatterbox · 30/09/2022 20:05

Mine are only 4 and 2 but I absolutely love having both of them and wouldn't change a thing.

Porcupineintherough · 30/09/2022 20:09

I felt like you after child 2 when we were thinking of child 3. Heart said yes, head said no. Was a very tough decision (taken out of my hands by dh eventually) but we stuck at 2 and it was ultimately the right decision.

Tiredalwaystired · 30/09/2022 20:22

No I really don’t. Even though child two is generally less easy than child one, I look at the beautiful relationship they have and realise what a blessing it all is. I can’t imagine having an only child now.

Also I think find milestones easier than my friends with one - leaving nursery or primary school behind the first time was hard but softened by knowing I still had another one in the pipeline so to speak.

By the time the second one got to that stage I was already comfortable with the next step and it became exciting rather than sad.

My friends with one mostly find each transition unbearable!

Tiddlywinkly · 30/09/2022 20:56

No I don't. As someone said up thread, I lost my freedom with the first. A second didn't make much difference.

PaperPalace · 01/10/2022 07:29

No, but I have three and I sometimes wish I'd stopped at two!

Stompythedinosaur · 03/10/2022 10:29

No, the relationship my dc have with each other is one of the most magical bits of having them.

Honestly, I think if I had an only they would have driven me crazy over lockdown. Having DC who can play together and support each other is magic.

I'm aware not every sibling relationship works out like than, and there are no guarantees, but I wouldn't be out off by the tricky baby and toddler stage. It doesn't last long, really.

ThreeRingCircus · 03/10/2022 10:40

No regrets whatsoever.

I do occasionally look at friends who only have one DC and think how much easier they seem to have it, dealing with just one child at a time feels like a piece of cake now I'm used to juggling two! However, although I'm physically busier in terms of having to drop one at school and one at nursery in two different locations/getting two children ready in the mornings/two lots of activity clubs/two DC to get ready for bed etc etc I actually think I have it a lot easier having two as they keep each other entertained. Yes, of course they fight sometimes but they also play together and I love seeing the relationship between them. My friends with only children have to work a lot harder at entertaining their DC as they don't have a sibling to play with.

I think the first couple of years are just busy but because it's a bit hectic having two time goes by quickly..... I seem to have blinked and DDs are now 5 and 3.

The early years are full on but I love that they'll have that sibling relationship as they get older. I just knew I wasn't done at one and I'd have been sat at the dinner table with one adult DC at Christmas and felt like someone was missing. Everyone is different but I knew that the business and hectic first few years were worth it to have two children, personally it's what we wanted for our family.

I'm definitely done after two though! No third child for me.

CoralBells · 03/10/2022 10:47

No I don't regret it as I've seen the benefit they've had from having each other over the years. I did find the first couple of years very hard due to dd2 being very highly strung and not sleeping, but she turned out lovely like dd1.

HorseInTheHouse · 03/10/2022 10:52

No, it's much better.

vickylou78 · 03/10/2022 11:00

TreacsPotNoodle · 30/09/2022 11:10

Thankyou all for your replies!

How do you find the time to get anything done?!

Or do I just accept the fact my house will never be tidy again and I'll always look a scruff?🤣

The feeling of not being able to get anything done only lasts while they are very little. When the littlest is 3 gets so much easier so don't panic!
In a lot of ways it's easier with two as they keep eachother company so you don't feel guilty about them playing on their own while you get on with things.

ashitghost · 03/10/2022 11:03

Never regretted for a second. I had a daughter, then a son. I think I’m extraordinarily lucky.

Questions12 · 03/10/2022 11:14

I feel lucky enough to have 1 after fertility treatment and a placental abruption. My mental health wouldn't stand up to another. Single parent since he's been 1.5 and dad only just pulling his finger out at 5. New partner doesn't want kids and tbh I feel relief not sadness

Mollymoofer · 03/10/2022 11:28

Nope, never. Life got infinitely better after number two arrived. I could see me thinking differently if we’d gone number three though. I think it’s fear of the unknown. I was so scared I couldn’t possibly love number two as much as the first and then fell head over heels instantly.

RumiGibran · 03/10/2022 15:22

Never- age gap of 2.5 years and seeing their sibling love/rivalry is something so special. I had the same concerns as you when I was considering my second. Now - I keep thinking am I doing them a disfavour by stopping at 2?

Jangletangle · 03/10/2022 15:47

Stopped at one, always knew we wouldn’t have more and dh and I both completely agreed. But I felt like I was done, I never for a moment felt any doubt. Absolutely love and adore the one we have but no regrets!

Miriam101 · 03/10/2022 15:49

No. Don't get me wrong- it's fucking exhausting and occasionally I stop to realise how much easier our lives would be if we'd stopped at one- but then I see the bond between them and I know for sure it was the right thing for our family.

TiredInPerpetuity · 03/10/2022 15:51

I love having 2. My age gap is 4 years which I love as baby gets attention when eldest is at school. I'm really enjoying it more this time as I know what I'm doing ! And my eldest loves having a baby around and is so gentle and patient - watching them together is an absolute joy

strawberry2017 · 03/10/2022 15:57

Never I wouldn't have my gorgeous boy if I did.
My first is my fabulous daughter and she has her dad's personality/attitude. She's lovely but can be hard work with tantrums independent from age 1 and such a character. .
My second is my mini me in terms of personality and so bloody sweet. They are great friends and I couldn't imagine life without either of them.