Partner due to inherit 8-9 figures

[ticklety]

I am not married, but we have been dating a few years and are in our late 20s and it will happen one day. He is kind, caring, and we have the same vision for the future. Neither are ready to settle but we would love a couple of children one day.

His family live very middle class lifestyle in a foreign country, and we live very below average and struggle with money.

DP has just found out that his family are ridiculously rich. He is not surprised that there is a lot of money but he is surprised by the amount. They are mid to high 9 figures rich and a chunk of this (8-9 figures) will one day come to him.

His mum gets told off by his dad for spending money, and the whole family has the attitude that every penny must be saved for the future.

The problem is that although I am a super saver myself, I also believe money is there to be enjoyed and you can save and enjoy it at the same time.

My partner said that when he inherits this money he will keep it away and invest it so his children can inherit it. He doesn't want to spend a penny of it because he says it's not his money.

Even if we lived off half the interest generated we could live a very decent life. Or even just paid ourself a salary of £30k each from the money a year.

If I inherited this money (which I appreciate it's not my inheritance) I would make sure my partner and children lived a full and happy life. I would live well well below my means but never look at the price of the menu at pizza express any more.

This money can transform our lives, but it's not going to. If we get married would I get any say or would it always be his to decide as it comes from his family?

Should I just mind my own business?

I think since you’re not married and he hasn’t inherited anything, no point in discussing it now.

You aren’t married, no one has died yet, and unless you’ve seen the will you have no idea what he’s “due” to inherit. OP stop spending hypothetical money in your head and concentrate on your relationship right now. If your attitude to money is so different will you work long term as a couple?

Surely he’d want to give his children a good education and lovely house to live in and holidays beyond anyones dreams. By his logic, his kids can’t do anything with the money and just sit on it to give to their kids. I’d say he would change his mind once it comes. Nice problem to have though!

Just forget about it.
Don't bring it up and try not to even think about it until it's physically in his account.

DH thought he was inheriting money, nowhere near that sum but still enough to make a significant difference to his life, turned out to be a much smaller amount than he'd been lead to believe & he was completely devastated for a long time afterwards.

Seriously just forget it and live your lives as you would if this money didn't exist, because for all you know, it might not.

Agree

When people are married each others finances become their business.

If the way those finances are dealt by one person with make the other person feel sad or angry then it is definitely their business.

If you were married and working 60 hours a week in MaDonalds would it be none of your business if you husband won the lottery, gave up work, sat on his backside all day and said you still need to pay all the household bills out of the £500 per month he gives you plus whatever you can earn?

I suspect he knows her attitude and is taking any potential money off the table, for her, anyway.

I think that considering possible future problems that are easily predictable and could destroy a marriage are precisely the sort of things one should discuss before marriage.

If my DP / DH looked as if a big unexpected inheritance might arrive, yes, i would think about it.

But in truth it is a big danger and could cause you a lot of problems.

The value might disappear in international money transactions, a global crash, taxes, inheritance tax (40%)...and your DP has no idea what proportion of his estate his GF wishes to leave to his grandchildren / relatives. So not counting any chickens seems very important here.

And how sad that your DP does not have any relationship with his grandfather.

If your DP DOES end up with a lot of money, of course it would be sensible to use it to improve your lives, rather than leave it to generate even more money to disappear in inheritance tax. But don't even think of that at the moment. Live and plan your life based on what you have now.

I would just sit on this info for the time being, you need to play the long game. At the moment you are still young and not married. I suspect your boyfriend may have a different attitude when children come along. You want to give them the best of everything and I don’t mean material items. Having a large house, space, gardens, fun holidays - it all makes life easier. I’m sure he’ll realise this in time and with your influence you can use this insane amount of money to live a great life and still have enough money to help out the next few generous of your family. Pay yourself 100k each, not 30k. That seems ridiculous.

this is quite confusing. We are talking hundreds of millions here? If you say 8-9 figures? After inheritance tax, your partner will inherit hundreds of millions?

Confused too, surely he grew up with some trappings due to hundreds of millions?!

Sounds like a problem that you can tackle if it becomes one. He might change his mind, there might not be any money.

In general though, I would tibk it'd crazy to have fuckton of money and not using any. Just the dividends from investing it would be enough to cover VERY comfortable life.

ideally if this became an issue we would talk about it and agree what money could be spent from this but it would largely be dependent on what he feels comfortable with. I would expect it to be continuing life as normal -work, 2 holidays etc. but investments for children to be able to access the money e.g education (private or uni, driving lessons), a house/flat when they’re ready and maybe a starter fund. As well as money to help when they have a child. Potentially investments that would pay in retirement and could be passed down. But I would understand if he didn’t want to use it to fund expensive meals, days out, extravagant cars, houses, or reduction in working. Those aren’t really investments where money is put to good use. It does depend on your attitude to money but I also wouldn’t see this as mine and more of a responsibility

This.
Or you're having us on 😁

Considering the partner is considering never using the money,it looks as if nobody ever benefits from being wealthy in his family! Weird.

@SuperCamp

"The value might disappear in international money transactions"

This made me laugh a bit. Do you think that someone doing an international money transaction for £100 million goes down the post office, or sorts it out with travellers cheques ?

Anyone having that sort of money would have a finance manager, or more likely an entire team of finance managers.

That isn't what I meant.

There are many ways for value to evaporate or be worth very different amounts, internationally.

But consider me an idiot, no skin off my nose.

It all sounds pie in the sky nonsense to me! If everyone is just handing money down without spending it, wtf is the point of it? Are you sure he or whoever is behind it is not some Walter Mitty type?

Even tight, rich people allow themselves some fun. I can’t imagine someone that well off living in a flat with no other homes or luxuries.
Anyhow, seems like it doesn’t matter if your OH will inherit millions or a few thousand, if he and his family are that tight-arsed you certainly won’t gain from it. And if you do have children and all he wants to do is save it and pass it onto them sounds like he’s going to be the type of parent who will brainwash them into that way of thinking. Do you really want that for any potential dc?
Anyhow, if you are old enough for life to have slung some of its shit your way you’ll find that no future ideals go to plan.
I was due to inherit quite a bit of money (not the millions you are talking about) but luckily never relied on it because my poor DM now has Alzheimer’s and she will need to go into care which will swallow a huge chunk, if not all of our inheritance but hey! that’s life for you, never, ever goes to plan.
Just enjoy you time with your partner, you’ve only been together a few years, the relationship may fizzle out and then you can look back and think you were once, very nearly, a multi millionaire lol!

I think your focus needs to be on how he manages money generally and whether he is a stingy person by nature, will he share his income with you if you have children or ever have to give up work for some reason, what is his general attitude to money and so on. Is he going to expect you to use your savings to fund your own maternity leave, does he see childcare as worthless when it's performed by the child's mother (i.e. does not recognise that childcare is a valuable service that he has a moral/financial obligation to share payment for) etc. You don't have any guarantee that he will actually get this money, or that it even exists. But if he has inherited an attitude that it is more important to avoid spending money now because of the fear of a rainy day at some time in the future, even if it means your little family lacks essentials in the present, then that is a pattern of thinking you'll have to deal with in your life with him.

There will be an expectation that he spends zero of this and that it lasts for generations. It will be seen as his to invest not to spend

What a miserable life. I expect they all vote Tory and keep as much as they can offshore so as not to pay any tax as well.

What a life. To imagine sitting on your potential hoards of gold like a dragon and 'paying' yourself a miserly £30k a year just so the money stays in the family for generations.

I think it's very strange to be 'disagreeing' with your husband about money that may or may not ever come to him. It would be one thing if it was money that he had already inherited and you were having a discussion about it, but what you describe seems to me so hypothetical, and also not really your business, that I'd simply ignore it.

Don't count the money that isn't yours. You're not married and no one died, so you don't have any cash yet.

It's not the norm to inherit a 9 figure sum. The info you've provided so far sounds really sketchy and I think is mostly BS. Or your partner has just worn the euromillions and is making a bit of a backstory🤣

It’s nothing to do with you. You aren’t married and there isn’t a certainty that you will. You could split up next year. If he gets this so called money then it is only his and his alone. If you get married and start a family then discussions can begin. Till then it’s absolutely nothing to do with you and you shouldn’t be making plans for it.