Partner due to inherit 8-9 figures

[ticklety]

I am not married, but we have been dating a few years and are in our late 20s and it will happen one day. He is kind, caring, and we have the same vision for the future. Neither are ready to settle but we would love a couple of children one day.

His family live very middle class lifestyle in a foreign country, and we live very below average and struggle with money.

DP has just found out that his family are ridiculously rich. He is not surprised that there is a lot of money but he is surprised by the amount. They are mid to high 9 figures rich and a chunk of this (8-9 figures) will one day come to him.

His mum gets told off by his dad for spending money, and the whole family has the attitude that every penny must be saved for the future.

The problem is that although I am a super saver myself, I also believe money is there to be enjoyed and you can save and enjoy it at the same time.

My partner said that when he inherits this money he will keep it away and invest it so his children can inherit it. He doesn't want to spend a penny of it because he says it's not his money.

Even if we lived off half the interest generated we could live a very decent life. Or even just paid ourself a salary of £30k each from the money a year.

If I inherited this money (which I appreciate it's not my inheritance) I would make sure my partner and children lived a full and happy life. I would live well well below my means but never look at the price of the menu at pizza express any more.

This money can transform our lives, but it's not going to. If we get married would I get any say or would it always be his to decide as it comes from his family?

Should I just mind my own business?

I think you're planning too far ahead... you're not even engaged! 😂

I don't agree with all the people saying it's his money/his business. If the op is thinking of marrying this bloke and they have such different attitudes to money it's a huge issue and if they marry it is their money moreso.

I don't get why someone would be content to pass vast sums of money down from generation to generation with no-one actually getting to enjoy the money. it just sits there, waiting for the owner to die, then passes on. What's the point of it? Enjoy the bloody stuff and make like easier if you possibly can.

I couldn't continue with someone whose values were so completely different to mine. There are huge arguments / resentments in the future, for both of you, if you stay with him.

You are not suited to this man, as you both have very different views on money. Some millionaires never touch their savings, it for future generations. You would resent it the whole time

this and the op only has to look at umpteen mumsnet threads to see this, if you are both not on the same page in regards to money it is very bad idea to marry him especially where a seven figure inheritance is involved.

OP I might be going against the grain here as I've not read the whole thread, but I'm with you. What on earth would be the point of inheriting a vast sum of money and carrying on squeezed-middle grind?

It's all very well saying "for future generations" but which generation then actually gets to enjoy it? As it stands, it's just a big pile of hassle of being the custodian of vast sums of money, it would be easier if the family heirloom was a silver teaspoon set or something

I'm not suggesting, as I'm sure you're not, that you blow the whole lot on yacht and villas in Dubai but surely some financial security and additional leisure time would enhance your lives beautifully and barely make a dent in such a large sum?

For me he’s right in wanting to invest and leaving his family a legacy. But until anything happens don’t worry about it. You’re thinking about what if’s. Just focus on doing the best you can financially and anything else is a bonus. As a mother I’m not worried about what type of life I have but the type of life my children will have when they are grown up and I’m focusing on them not having to struggle as adults.

Yours and his thinking may change as your circumstances change. Focus on today and if he inherits anything it will be a welcome bonus for you and your future either way.

Hi OP go look at my thread

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4582204-in-laws-doing-my-head-in-midlife-crisis-and-what-to-do-next?page=13&reply=120183389

Not the same amount of money but this is me a few years on. Money is a big family thing. Asset rich annd cash poor. Think carefully.

Look, this is all just fantasy at the moment.
DP hasn't inherited yet.
You aren't married to him. You're "dating".
Neither of you are ready to "settle".
The money is likely to be in a different currency so who knows how much it is actually worth in pounds.
The grandparent could change the will or suddenly decide to piss it up the wall.
Anything could happen.

Just get on with your life and forget about it. You can create your own nice life for any future children by getting on and working for it.

If you're wanting to be able to splash the cash without working and live off the inheritance then it's obvious that you are not compatible with him because it sounds like his family live quite humble lives despite there being money there. So they've got a completely different attitude to life.

It doesn't sound like they are struggling though so I would imagine that IF you were to marry DP and IF you were faced with financial difficulties for whatever reason, he would dip into the pot to ensure you all still have a home and food.

Honestly, you really do need to forget about it, because I can almost see the pound signs in your eyes now you know about this. Like you think you are set up for life now or something.

Surely the grandad would have helped out your DP and his parents already by now if he is so rich and can see that they are all struggling and living meagre lives? Or has he offered and its been refused? If he is 'sitting on' all that money and not needing it, why would he want to give it to his family in death but not in life, when he can see it making a difference and being enjoyed?
Very strange situation :-/
But if your DP was to inherit money and you have children together, and need/could use the money for day to day living costs or a better, easier life then IMO he would be being very selfish not to allow that. Buying you both fancy cars, other material items etc no he shouldn't have to if he doesn't want to but using it to allow you both to work less, have more living space, provide well for the kids etc, then yes.
Me and DH have inherited abit of money in recent years and it has/will in the majority always go towards things for us as a family, just like any other savings we have would (and should)

Lol @Mummyof287
Not everyone thinks they ought to help and support their dcs in that way. My parents certainly don’t (even though I will get a substantial inheritance one day)

You aren't going to talk him around on this, OP. He is coming from a very deep-seated cultural attitude to money which has been influenced by his parents and grandparents from a very young age, and tbh I understand it - he hasn't done anything to earn or 'deserve' the money and he feels a lot of pressure to act as custodian for the next generation.

The question is whether you can live with this, or whether you are going to resent him every time your engine warning light comes on or you budget for a cheap holiday. I'm afraid I also agree with pp who have pointed out that your concern might be a bit premature. If I had a pound for every couple I knew in my late twenties who were planning marriage and children 'one day' but split up when they turned thirty - well, I wouldn't be in line for eight figures but I'd have quite a few quid. Do you even live together?

For me when my husbands inheritance came in I wanted two things. One thing we had agreed on before we married that the kids education was the top priority. We would make shift with whatever was left but they get the schools and the universities that allows them to pursue a career away from the family business. Which is frankly terrifying, I’ve never met such a cut throat lot of uncles and cousins in my life.
my second request was that because women don’t inherit as much as men I want the legacy equalised in some way. I want my girls to be able to walk away if they end up in a bad marriage.
That is the bit we are having trouble with because the assets haven’t been distributed after two and a half years and I think they have a crooked lawyer. But that’s not something I can influence. I have my husband’s promise that he will do it.. whenever the money is freed up.
I guess my third wish would be that we have a different lawyer for our personal affairs because I really really didn’t like him.
But the education goal was agreed before children. The putting money for the girls came after seeing a lot of friends trapped so that one was technically not prearranged

I think we need to know if it is merely £2m (and hundreds million in a foreign currency) or UK GBP £100m - vast difference.