Partner due to inherit 8-9 figures

[ticklety]

I am not married, but we have been dating a few years and are in our late 20s and it will happen one day. He is kind, caring, and we have the same vision for the future. Neither are ready to settle but we would love a couple of children one day.

His family live very middle class lifestyle in a foreign country, and we live very below average and struggle with money.

DP has just found out that his family are ridiculously rich. He is not surprised that there is a lot of money but he is surprised by the amount. They are mid to high 9 figures rich and a chunk of this (8-9 figures) will one day come to him.

His mum gets told off by his dad for spending money, and the whole family has the attitude that every penny must be saved for the future.

The problem is that although I am a super saver myself, I also believe money is there to be enjoyed and you can save and enjoy it at the same time.

My partner said that when he inherits this money he will keep it away and invest it so his children can inherit it. He doesn't want to spend a penny of it because he says it's not his money.

Even if we lived off half the interest generated we could live a very decent life. Or even just paid ourself a salary of £30k each from the money a year.

If I inherited this money (which I appreciate it's not my inheritance) I would make sure my partner and children lived a full and happy life. I would live well well below my means but never look at the price of the menu at pizza express any more.

This money can transform our lives, but it's not going to. If we get married would I get any say or would it always be his to decide as it comes from his family?

Should I just mind my own business?

This is probably a good stress test for both of you for future compatibility. Have you spoken to him much about it? I don't agree with the people who say it is none of your business, of course its natural to have an opinion because management of money or differences in money management can make a relationship miserable. He may be in shock slightly especially if used to living fairly frugally. Its a nice problem to have, but its a still a huge adjustment and you don't adapt to a change in circumstances overnight. I think you both need to discuss further, obviously its his money now, but if you were married one day it sounds like you (perfectly reasonably imo) want your lifestyle to improve a bit. Whereas for him he may feel guilty spending money he hasn't personally earned if he's been raised that way.

Are you sure he isn't just pulling your leg?

Did he go to decent schools and now has a good paying job?
People with money especially in China are pretty adamant on good educations for their children and grandchildren even if they live modest lives.

Ignore the jealousy here saying you're being grabby. He is the one who brought the money up in the first place.

You are not suited to this man, as you both have very different views on money. Some millionaires never touch their savings, it for future generations. You would resent it the whole time.

You might not be together in a few yrs. Having a generalized discussion just for fun is obviously going to happen. Making demands, plans and ideas is wishful thinking.

Oh so that’s ok if he dies then…..🙄🫤😠

Forget it for now. If you’re married it’ll be a marital asset and not ‘his’. It’ll be your business then.

Don’t borrow sorrow from tomorrow. Stay out of it for now. It’s not his money yet, you don’t know the terms of the Will eg tied up in trusts etc, and you’re not married.

For the future, I’d be surprised if he would let his children substantially go without opportunities money could unlock during his lifetime, for the sake of them having it when he’s dead. Sounds like his parents live a comfortable life, so he’s more likely to emulate that, and leave the capital untouched.

sorry, but this relationship is finished.

He is probably reacting to the novelty of the situation, rather like lottery winners who claim they won't give up their jobs or move house. I suspect that if he actually does inherit things will change, just as those lottery winners inevitably do pack in their jobs and move to nicer houses.

Why would you struggle and make your family do without when there is a pot of money uselessly accumulating interest? As someone has asked, at what point does he think someone is entitled to use it? Suppose there was a financial crash and its value diminished to a fraction of what it is now, he'd be well pissed off that no-one had ever seen any benefit from it.

My DH and I have been together for 18years, he has adhd and mental health problems so our marriage has been a rollercoaster due to his behaviour and attitude, lately we are not getting on at all, we barely speak and spend evenings after work separately, no arguments but no conversations either, we have DC 15,12&9 and I feel that the atmosphere in the house is starting to affect them, recently I have lost weight (3stone) and my husband is adamant I’m having an affair (I’m not) he’s paranoid asking questions about what I’m wearing, where I’m going (only go to work&gym) and tracks me on my phone and ring doorbell, I also earn more money than him as I work a lot more hours so he is leaving me to pay more than my fair share and I also do more childcare and 90% chores, my question is do I just give up on the marriage as I honestly think it’ll make my life a whole lot easier but I do love him and have put up with this behaviour for a long time why not just carry on 😣

@Crazybusy1983 I think you will get more replies if you post your own thread in Relationships.

All sounds a bit improbable to me.

You sound like a gold digger, you have only been together a few years, not married, in your 20’s and your already telling him what he should do with the money he may never get. You don’t know this money even exists or what is written in the will? It’s just hear say? Chances are by the time he gets it you won’t even be together. Just live your lives and forget about it.

I don't believe OP is genuine. All this talk of "8 figures" or "9 figures", she's planning how to spend it, but it never occurred to her to think what currency, and she still hasn't checked online?

Regardless of the unknown sum of “maybe money”; if anything, this may have highlighted that perhaps you may not actually be compatible at all when you have such diverse opinions about something which will always be integral to any future relationship.
Maybe pick your moment at sometime in the future to bring it up again in a light hearted way to delve a bit deeper into his actual thoughts on it.
It could be hugely important to your relationship whether the inheritance happens or not.

It’s not your money, it’s not even your partners money. You might not be together this time next year. Until you are actually married, have children and he receives any inheritance, you really have no say 🤷🏼‍♀️

His attitude does seem a bit strange. He wants to keep it to give it to his children/grandchildren? What does he expect them to do with it? Save it to give it to their children/grandchildren? Or would he want them to use it? If so, it's no different from his grandfather wanting him to use it.

If it really is hundreds of millions of GBP (or even hundreds of millions of Yuan to some extent), then the interest/investment income alone would be sufficient to live a better life on.

I can understand wanting to provide for your future children, but to make your own/his life stressful in terms of his own earnings when it's sitting there to make it easier is crazy.

I am in a situation where my DH will inherit more from his family than I will from mine. I'm only really expecting to inherit items of sentimental value, rather than financial whereas DH will inherit relatively well. Even though we're married I don't feel it's my place to comment on how he should use it though. The difference is, he's already said "it would be great to clear our mortgage and give ourselves a more comfortable life". Weirdly, I feel guilty that I won't be able to contribute, but DH sees us as a team and doesn't think it's unfair at all.

'Married one day' isn't 'married'. You might find this doesn't end up being your problem.

I agree.

It would be a mistake to continue in this relationship because you have differing views on monet which will lead to resentment.

*money

I think it sounds like your partner has a very sensible attitude towards money.

In any case, he hasn't inherited anything yet, you don't know when or even if it will happen, and perhaps he doesn't want to count his chickens before they've hatched. Since you're not married and you don't have children yet, for the time being it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

But let's say everything happens as predicted, your partner inherits this money, you get married and have children, and he wants to keep the money invested rather than spend it.

Is that actually so bad?

Will spending loads of money on non-essentials actually make your lives happier? Will growing up very wealthy give your children a normal, happy, balanced upbringing, or will it confine them to a bubble of privilege and make it difficult for them to relate to ordinary people or strive to make a success of their careers? Personally I think growing up with that kind of wealthy could be more of a burden than anything else.

What this money will do, if it remains invested and untouched, is give you peace of mind. You will never be homeless. You will never have to choose between eating and heating. If the NHS collapses, you will not die because you can't afford to pay for healthcare. That kind of safety net is something most people can only dream of.

Wow already after his money you sound entitled I hope he doesn’t marry you please stop thinking about somebody else’s cash .. Plus there is no guarantee that any money will be left to him despite what other people say. The money has absolutely nothing to do with you you’re not married anything can happen before then you don’t even have kids together seriously just stop

I think all you can do is have a discussion and express how you feel when you feel the time is right. It may be early but it might be better to have the discussion before he potentially inherits. People have different attitudes towards money and sometimes you have to explain your point of view and it depends on how much they values your opinion and is willing to look at your point of view.

My partner is a saver and I'm a bit of a spender, over the years he has relaxed bit and realised life is too short and there is not point in saving all of it and he should enjoy his money in his own lifetime. I believe in saving so you have enough for a rainy day or if you have a goal in mind but saving everything for your kids is not a good idea either because there are many pit falls of inheriting alot of money and the responsibility that comes with it. If the children know they will inherit this money they may lose motivation to work and do anything with their lives as happend with my partners brother and if they inherit young they can go off the rails get into drugs etc and blow it all as has happened to many. Even if your children inherit when they are older it will be them and their partners and children who would get to enjoy it and you don't know what your children and their partners attitude will be towards the money or if they will be responsible with it and he would have ko say in it. In theory he wouldn't be saving the money just for his children and it's not fair to deprive your children of experiences/memories you could make and tiime you could have as a family now because he wants to save all of it.

I just find it really sad that there's people who work hard all their life and don't spend on themselves and then just leave it all to children or grandchildren they aren't even close as is the case here.

Also you don't know what will happen tomorrow you could all die in a car crash or something and what a waste to not have spend any of it on your kids or yourself. That's what i would try to explain to him.

Also a compromise and sensible thing to would be to invest the money and only use the income and that way you won't be spending the inheritance money. Best best is to buy property and get rental income or even interest in a savings account.

I can see both sides - it's impossible not to consider the future if you're with someone that you love and can imagine having children with etc. However, I agree with those that have said that so many things could change between now and getting married etc., and it's probably not worth stressing about now. I can't see if anyone has mentioned this but aren't you eligible for half of everything if you do get married so you would have a say in how the money was used? (though I suppose he could get you to sign a pre-nup or it might be in trust).

Finally, to those that say it's improbable, I disagree - just because it's unusual, doesn't mean it's impossible. I know someone that grew up in almost complete poverty. Then, one day (I think it was when she turned 18) a letter turned up to let her know about her family trust. In an instant, she was worth hundreds of millions. It actually did a bit of a number on her mentally, going from nothing to everything and she gives a lot away to charity, flies economy (even though she could charter her own plane) and lots of other things, as she feels guilty about having so much money. Maybe your DP feels similarly about his inheritance, and that's part of why he doesn't want to touch it. It might be worth him talking to someone about it (counselling) at some point, like my friend did ( I believe they organise the same for lottery winners).

You should definitely mind your own business because otherwise you may come across as a gold digger and he may leave you, before marrying you.

The money isn’t his yet anyway so why try and plan and make decisions now anyway. There could be issues repatriating the money anyway if the country is eg. India etc. The shares may be held in trust and the income aka dividends only applied to children/grandchildren. There are so many things that might happen.

If one person creates a huge company and wealth then there can be lots of infights in a family and that needs to be avoided. That is probably why the rest of the family are ignoring it for now. Better that way.